recovery

while my mind is already back to normal, my body is still recovering from the past few weeks. i think i really ran myself to ground this time.

the worst bit was that since this handy lil thing called lucid dreaming, i'd be spending the nights doing mental work and planning how to use the following day efficiently and then during the day i would just execute the plans of the previous night.

quite efficient and for a night or two that might work, but do that for a few weeks in a row and you end up utterly fucked. while i was sleeping alright i was not resting.

well, that damage was fixed by the first few good nights after the scholarship interview but i am still physically very tired. since then i have been just sleeping 10+ hrs /night and napping during the day. yes. i have officially become a pensioner.

the good(?) thing is that deviant shared this hectic experience with me and therefore is equally tired and in need of resting. we spent the entire weekend just watching movies, reading books snuggled up, napping together and reading books at the beach. and i can tell you bunnies, it was just what the doc ordered. in fact i thoroughly enjoyed my low key weekend.

what worries me a bit is that i ended up losing a fair bit of weight in the process too. i mean, i don't exercise at all, i eat big meals (and junk food regularly), candy daily, drink excessively and still keep losing weight. not a good sign. i'll have to see how the dust settles and see if i return back to normal. i have no desire to turn into a bloody anorectic twig.

hard core

wow. miss pearl came back from her trip to borneo with some seriously street cred scars on her upper arm. apparently she had attempted to take on a box jellyfish*. serious ouch.

hearing this only a day after i decided to break my no-swimming rule, is kinda unsettling.

(* = for those who are not familiar with this charming lil fella called box jellyfish, here's just the first quick quote i googled:

"box jellyfish is considered the most venomous marine creature. it can kill more people than stonefish, sharks and crocodiles combined. "

"venom: you have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. the pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and drown before reaching the shore."

>> great barrier reef dangers )

john waters weekend

movies movies movies.

watched a few over the weekend. started out with blade runner (1982) as i ranted on earlier. heh. deviant absolutely hated it. tried to watch it twice. first time it took 5 mins for him to pass out. then he gave it another go the following day. 20 mins and he was asleep. i promised i wouldn't make him watch it again. he did try so that's fair enuff.

instead we watched cry baby (1990). fucken fantastic flick i tell you. i had never seen it even tho it was rather big back in the day. mr depp is absolutely edible and the whole movie is just fucken hilarious.

we continued the waters movie fest with a dirty shame (2004) the same night and had a ball with that too. fucken priceless. both highly recommended bunnies.

last night we finished the beach and movie fest w/e with the proposition (2005). which was excellent as well.

swimming counter: 4

went to the beach yesterday.

now while i can pull off the reading a book in the sun as well as prancing around in my bikini... as soon as i step into the waves i expose my scandinavian background.

usually, i don't swim. in fact, i practically never do. i've been in sydney for almost 4 yrs and i'm quite sure this is the fourth time i stepped into the surf.

see, we've got lakes. lakes mean still water. still. calm. pleasant. yes?

here? ha! the sea just bitch slaps you in the face and trashes you all over the place like the 50cent whore you are.

deviant ran straight in and i for some reason decided to follow. so i get to the point where my toes make their first contact with the water. my reaction? 'fucken freezing! no way i'm going in!' but before i had time to turn around on the spot, the next friggen wave came in and quite literally slapped me in the face soaking me. might as well go in then.

deviant seemed to have a ball pointing and laughing as i was doing my best drowning finn impression and he was bouncing around like a bloody dolphin. it was just that i was disagreeing with the seawater attempting to fill every and each one of my orifices AND trying to separate me from my bikinis in a rather violent matter.

dealing with the waves sorta got an extra difficulty factor due to one of my hands hanging on to my bikini bottoms and the other holding the top over my titties. which was prolly quite funny. i know i was having a good giggle myself.

quite masochistic, painful and embarrassing but also very entertaining.

"all those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain..."

yesyes. i'm talking abt blade runner.

see, i had watched the movie once abt ten yrs ago but could only remember the see-through raincoat replica getting slaughtered while running through a store window and rutger hauer sitting on the rooftop with the white dove.

watched it again tonight. deviant passed out after first 5 mins or so. but i watched all of it. and luveded every second.

i can see why ppl keep raving on abt this flick. fuck. ridley scott did this masterpiece back in 1982 which just abt blows my mind. half of it was copied into the fifth element (which would also be on my top-gawd-knows-how-many-movies-list).

any of you bunnies who haven't seen the flick or have seen it a decade or so ago, fucken watch it again. bloody brilliant.

graduating

its silly really. having already done grad show once, it doesn't seem like such a big deal now that i'm doing it again. i mean, don't get me wrong, i am excited abt it. but... but its just not the same.

maybe its just the graduation last april that ruined it for me. i can tell you bunnies, it was the worst fucken day of my life. you know kinda like the average birthday, christmas or nye - its bound to suck.

big dates in my life as such have turned into this anticlimax that i dread beforehand. i know its going to be a disappointment and i know its going to suck.

...so what really happens is that i most likely make it happen all by myself by fearing it in the first place. i don't know.

maybe its this whole living on the wrong side of the world thing. the vital part that is supposed to make those dates for me is missing. and i don't have enough faith in people to expect someone else - who is not obliged to by blood connection - to step in and fill the void.

maybe i'll just get too drunk to notice. maybe i'll start with tequila shots before the guests arrive. just like last year. but for that i need muscles. he cheered me up last time... let's see if he'll be there for me this time.

entertainment

alrighty bunnies, all the shit is over and done with, its time to start having fun again.

i am seriously deprived of any social interaction and in need of a night out. the fact that i ended up staying back at work for almost two hrs extra just because i was having fun is a fucken scary sign. the boys were being very entertaining and we ended up going through every topic from droolable men to scarlett johansson and everything in between.

i'll have to see what everyone is upto tomorrow, but i'd certainly be up for a drink of ten after work. mebbe even end up shaking my bum somewhere? i think i have done far too little bum shaking and attention seeking lately.

oh, bad news btw: citronella got dui'd* the other day. seriously not good. will need to bend him over my knee when i see him. such a bad boy he is.

now join me for a bowl of apple pie and ice cream...

(*dui = d.u.i. = driving under the influence)

a new beginning

here i am, enjoying a brekky at my new lil bachelorette pad after sleeping here for the first night. and tell you what bunnies, i slept like a baby!

the apartment has a very pleasant mood to it. you know that thing you feel as soon as you step into a place? this studio is calming, soothing and balancing. just what i need me thinks.

now the size of this studio is puzzling me a bit. its one of those places that seems quite small when you walk in. but then it suddenly sort of turns into something that seems quite spacious. and anyway, i thought it was abt the size of my previous place, right? well, i threw all my shit around the place and now there's still all this space. i mean, i could have a sofa with a coffee table in here and it'd still feel like there's space for more.

i think i will love it here.

i was such a good girl last night that i was able to sort out nearly all my stuff and i am ready to entertain here tonight. i have promised to cook deviant a dinner. i think i'll cook something really nice, get a bottle of wine to go with it and mebbe even do candles. he deserves all the pampering i can possibly deliver. such a good man he is.

now if only the fucken summer would arrive so that i can start abusing my new pool!

warning: system overload...

its insane how far you can push yourself before losing it.

the past couple of months have been flat out and it has only escalated over the past couple of weeks to the point that today i feel like i'm about to collapse.

would somebunny please just wrap me up in a straitjacket, wheel me into a mental asylum of some sort and just leave me there - preferably heavily medicated - to sleep for a year or two. pretty please with sugar on top?

in a nutshell? well had my final assessment on last wed (so spent the previous week setting everything up pretty much from 5:30am to 11pm every day). a job application with work examples to type up on thu. pack up for move fri-sat. come up with a concept for a scholarship interview before monday. make a scholarship interview presentation on sun. train all the way fucken west to attend the interview on mon morning. get back to city to arrange everything for the move as soon as the interview was done. EMPTY AND CLEAN MY ENTIRE APARTMENT IN FORTY-FUCKEN-MINS!!! and spend the rest of the night moving all my shit to the new place.

i wish i will never have to live through a period as hectic as the last couple of weeks. seriously, fucken never EVER again.

i honestly wouldn't have survived this all without deviant and its no exaggeration. last night as i collapsed on his bed ready to sleep for a week (or the few hrs i actually could before getting up at 5:30am again) i realised just how much he has done for me lately.

seriously, if from today onwards i'd spent all my waking hours serving him non-stop bjs while pouring beer down his throat and massaging his feet (all simultaneously of course) i could not even dream of settling my debt before xmas.

i think i'll start by cooking him dinner. mebbe as soon as tomorrow if i get all my shit organised tonight.

shit. that reminds me: today is the sca grad show and i don't think i can make it. i really really REALLY want to. but i just got another call from my new real estate agent saying that i need to go and sign yet another form right after work. and i am struggling even getting through the day at the office. and i need to get my apartment sorted out. i haven't even opened the first box yet.

mebbe i should switch from caffeine to speed?

hectic times

ha. not only did i fuck up big time at work this week, but miss pearl pulled a very similar brainless fuckup. its so soothing to know that i'm not the only brainless bimbo in this show ;)

--

right now i'm sitting at deviant's office typing away this post while waiting for him to set up for today's construction mission. i'll be trying my best to help him while he assembles the fan for my grad show work. then we're off to the uni to build my space and paint the walls.

hopefully we get everything done today so that we don't have to drive back there till monday.

flat out

such a bloody scatterbrain i have been lately! its hopeless. there's just too bloody much on my plate at the moment. not healthy.

i managed to do a really stupid fuck up at work this week. so stoopid that it makes me doubt if my eyesight has left me for good or if the little that has been left of my poor brain has been reduced into a pink block of play-doh.

oh well, shit happens i suppose.

if i would just get this honours shit out of the way, i could perhaps take it a bit easier for a while.

i had to re-edit my entire video this morning as i found out that the fan programming can only use full seconds. deviant is finishing off the fan today as well as programming it to operate in sync with my video. then we'll spend the entire w/e way out in the bush setting up the installation space ready for my viva voce next wednesday.

yeh, i'm shitting myself.

if i survive the viva voce as well as the setting up, i then need to type and send off a series of applications and proposals for jobs/scholarships/exhibitions and shit. then the following w/e i need to pack all my shit for moving. grah.

the only thing calming me down and keeping me sane is deviant being the perfect man and spoiling me rotten.

fridge magnets. i think i'll start collecting them from now on. here's the first one to start my collection.

what a drama i am having!

*growl* network issues. serious ones. and no, i'm not a happy lil chicky. but hey, [insert here gary oldman 'zorg' accent] 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' [/accent].

so yeh, i am dropped down on 56k dial-up until i can finally get the broadband up and running in my new place after moving in.

weekend was most entertaining. on friday we had a night out with deviant, sunshine and tulip. one of the funniest night outs i have had for a while i must admit.

sunshine was sloshed already by the time he showed up at my place, deviant was cooking supa-delicious dinner and i got to be both girly and pampered with tulip.

the boys got along splendidly and did their best to entertain us chickies with live music, as deviant brought his guitar with him. tulip shares my fetish for guitar playing hotties, so we couldn't have asked for better program for the night.

i was wearing my funky candystriper dress with some serious 4.5 inch heel action and got the attention deserved both from deviant as well as other people once we ventured out into the public.

on saturday night we just had a quiet one with deviant watching thank you for smoking, which btw is an excellent flick. so many fantastic quotes.

on sunday deviant cooked me an uber-yummy brekky of french-toast with maple syrup and ice cream. yum yum YUM. and later on i joined him for a trek along the beach rocks to go squidding at sunset.

funny thing was that the spot was on an unofficial gay nudist beach... have to admit bunnies, that i have never seen so many cocks in one day. mind you, old and wrinkly most of them. funny shit.

of course there was no squid to be caught, but i was fully enjoying a chance to get the ladies out in the sun for once and honestly, watching deviant fish is fucken hilarious. he's a travelling one man's entertainment show that one. i only wish i had video footage of him doing ninja-like casting while screaming out his squid-call 'heeeeeeeeerrree squiddie-squiddie-squiddie!'

he is clearly insane. or on crack. or possibly, both.

house hunting update 03

score!

apartment no4 was just as good as the ad promised so i left in an application straight away and the agent called me back 1,5 hrs later to tell that not only was the application approved but also that she got the rent down $5.

so now i've got a new gorgeous lil bachelorette pad in a full security building with a beautiful pool, 10 mins closer to the city and $15 less/week. fan-fucken-tastic.

scandinavian efficiency hey?

couldn't really get any good piccies of the apartment cause the previous tenant is still living in the apartment and packing atm so there was boxes and shit all over the place, but here's my window with the pool view.

house hunting update 02

crap. unexpected setback with apartment no4.

i went to inspect it today and the real estate agent showing the place had the wrong keys. was not at all impressed.

however the building was even nicer than i expected and everything seems perfect so far. the pool area was gorgeous and my windows would all face the pool.

with some luck i'll be able to go and see the apartment tomorrow again and this time actually get to see the apartment too.

could this be it? keep your fingers crossed bunnies!

cupid?

uh-oh, here we go again bunnies. see, i'm brilliant with bad ideas. when ever i get bored, i'm willing to stir anything for a lil bit of entertainment.

saturday was one of those days when i felt like a lil entertainment would be nice and what's more entertaining than social experiments?

i sorta ended up playing cupid between sunshine and tulip.

you know, you've gotta pass on the good meat that you're done with, right? i mean that's how i met deviant. his ex set us up. so i thought that what the hell, this might as well be my turn to "pay it forward".

so i gave tulip sunshine's mobile number for some sms filth. and then i introduced them to each other online.

as they are both equally fucked up, they seem to be getting along marvelously! now i'm just sitting back and observing. quite like an ant terrarium. ...xcept with no ants. and no terrarium. ok, not at all alike but still entertaining.

mind you, i did add in the exclaimer that i'm not to be blamed whe-... erm *if*, i meant to say if things go sour. heh.

drukn part kazillion-and-one

yeh. i'm tiny and he's a giant. i'm on 4.5 inch insanely high stilettos and barely reach his bloody shoulder!

i think i have a thing for tall men. tall, dark and handsome. yum yum yum. i believe its called the mr. darcy syndrome?

tuesday, sunny tuesday...

well, today seems to be starting a lot better than yesterday.

not only did i wake up with deviant tightly wrapped around me (which is by far my fav way of starting a day) but also, the first thing i read this morning was an email inviting me to submit my work to another exhibition in europe.

this london based curator emailed me suggesting that i should submit my work to be considered for her next exhibition in london. the event sounds perfect for my babies and what's best, the dl for the submissions is 3 weeks after my viva voce. so i have enough time to do this one well too. sweet.

london would be cool. that'd be one of the big ones ticked off my list.

--

also, today is potentially a good day for house hunting. i'm seeing apartment no4 which is on a street i love and sounds fantastic. keep your fingers crossed bunnies!

house hunting update 01

hmmm... apartment no3 was quite adorable. i mean, there's no water views and it wasn't in as good shape as my current place is, but there was definitely something abt it.

apartment no1
big but in bad location. ugly carpet. awful condition. noisy. not good at all.

apartment no2
quite cute but small. polished floors. dark. average, but better than no1.

apartment no3
quite spacious studio in a beautiful art deco house. a good size separate kitchen (with gas stove!) and a cute little alcove separated with french doors. also, polished floors which i love. very cute and a bit cheaper than my current place. this one has potential.

scandinavian efficiency

now i wonder where i would be without my beloved scandinavian efficiency?

got a rather unpleasant phone call first thing this morning from my real estate agent. apparently the owner wants to sell my apartment. now i don't know about you bunnies, but i could come up with better ways of starting a week than 'yeh abt your home... we're selling it. pack up and fuck off!'

i know i could stay in my apartment for a month after they sell it, if they ever sell it that is. but fuck hanging here just waiting for them to tell me what to do and when. i'd rather go on my own terms. and fuck having strangers herding in twice a week while i'm not in. that's just not kosher.

so yeh. fuck them.

well, i walked into the first real estate agent, picked up the cutest boy in view and went: 'you there. i want this-and-this. now.'

so yeh, i'm seeing three apartments within few blocks from my place this arvo. sweet.

track of the day

i can't stop listening to this one. hope you enjoy it as much as i do bunnies.

definitely drukn.

tell you what bunnies, i must be turning into a bloody pensioner!

when i know there's no rootage to be achived, i am ready to pass out by 10pm. that's no good.

i went out with sunshine, since tulip bloody piked out. (that bitch, i will SO bash her for it once she pops online tomorrow). not only was i lacking the entertaining company of one hot bitch, but also i had to listen to sunshine whinge abt me not coming through with the hot meat i had promised.

well fuck them both and the horsies the rode in on.

yes bunnies, i might be slightly tipsy. or mebbe drunk.

sunshine had a plan b up his sleeve even if it didn't involve the sister. heh. poor funny bugger that one. very good value. remind me to introduce him to you irl bunnies one day. if i haven't already done so that is.

he dropped me home in a cab on his way to the city to score this glorious plan b. i know he can't blog abt any of the good shit so i'll do it for him [insert here drunken giggles]

there is actually a very funny story involving me, deviant, a drunken random chicky and sunshine from a few months back. and mebbe one day i'll blog it. but not just yet. heh. too funny.

--update

oh, what am i whinging. she's a good woman. heh. she woke me up around 11:30pm with a phone call and would have been up for joining our merry crowd... if i hadn't already been asleep and sunshine hunting meat somewhere on the other side ot the town that is. next time. there's always a next time.

sa-turd-ay

today, i feel social.

yesterday was painful and i just spent it as a trembling lil mess locked inside my luvly lil apartment not even considering seeing anyone, or even daylight for that matter. far too painful.

however, today is a new day. deviant is fishing down the coast all w/e so i am feeling like a lil my time out... cause you know, 'i am my favourite person' as my new motto goes.

yes bunnies, my narcissism has reached a new high.

i've promised to catch up with sunshine over a few drinkies. the bastard owes me SO many drinkies its not even funny.

also, there's tulip that i haven't seen for yrs so i might try to combine the two. besides, it'd be oh-so-entertaining to see sunshine bust his nuts trying to pick her up and watch her shooting him down repeatedly. the more that i think of it, the better the idea seems.

also, i want to go to the movies. haven't done that for bloody ages. so mebbe i'll try to come up with a movie-dinner-and-drinkies combo. that always works.

when, oh when will i learn?

yesterday was an abortion.

we had a preview night at work on thursday and i invited deviant along. the original idea was to have *a* glass of white, say hello to ppl, show my face and fuck off.

*sigh*

we ended up sitting there till the end, pouring cheap champers (me) and red wine (him) down our throats and eventually travel out to the cross for a night cap and oportos. while the night was great fun, we were so trashed when we got back that its not even funny.

in the morning, the poor thing had to get up at 6am to go to work but fortunately i had the day off. which was my saviour cause - and this is the lesson that i never seem to be able to learn - fucken cheap champers gives me the worst hangovers.

i woke up with a splitting headache and no painkillers in the house. owwie. i tried to get up a few times, but the headache always got the best of me and back to bed i went. eventually, i got up at 3pm, still feelin a lil bit wobbly.

so repeat after me bunnies: cheap champers - AUSTRALIA SAYS NO.

evolution?

heh. mate of mine emailed me the link to this video clip.

what really cracked me up tho, was his mate's reply:
"if you play it backwards you realise that what they actually did was take a really hot chick, and with computer manipulation make her a real munter!"

'DRUKN'? is that finnish for 'drunk'?

heh. why is it that photos from work drinkies look awful by default?

here's me and miss pearl - a few bubbly bottles prior to super mario's harem - posing with a bloke from accounts. unfortunately there was no (even remotely decent) piccies of us with mr super mario...

i am in love with her. this is my fav track at the moment. can't stop listening to her. so very quirky and adorable.

got glue?

tell you what bunnies, its a bizarre feeling not to stress.

the entire year so far has been just stressing with handing in one assignment after another and all the stress finally building up to the superstress of handing in my thesis*. in fact, that's pretty much been the story for the past four years. its kinda scary to face the end of my studies. what if i don't want to?

it feels like the precious stress - that i share such a strong love/hate relationship with - is the glue that keeps me together and operating. its the painful force that keeps the masochist going and being productive 24-7. i was kinda used to it... now i feel a lil bit alone.

after friday, i've just had this weird empty spot where the thesis-stress used to be. you know when in the back of your head there was always that something you needed to get into as soon as you had a moment of free time. now i've got free time and i don't have a clue what to do with it.

i think i need to find a new focus for my creative energy as soon as possible and keep it flowing. i should have a new project to get into as soon as my viva voce** is done. that's the only bit of uni stress left, and i can see myself hanging onto it as if it was the last pair of shoes in my size at a manolo sale.

also, it's looking like i might be facing more big changes than i was expecting, but i don't think i want to rant on about that quite yet. it would be in the 'good scary' category anyway. but more abt that later.

phew. got glue? mebbe i'll just start with a late morning coffee...

--

(* well, exegesis really, but since only someone doing practical honours knows what it is, i've grown tired of explaining the difference and have just decided to start calling it thesis to make my life easier.

** viva voce = 30min honours speach where i present my work to the examiners and defend my thesis)

super mario's harem

it was 40+ in penriff and while i luveded the heat, the first few stinky hot days do end up killing you every time. while i was all high on the 'fuck yeah summer is finally here!' feeling, it does wear you out so quickly.

i was so tired and buggered by the time i got to the city that i just wanted to go home and sleep. but there was a massive go away party at the office as one of the chickies is leaving us.

so i decided to go in for one... and got home gawd knows when drunk as a skunk.

it started off as a rooftop party at the office with the world of free alcohol. we got soooo trashed with miss pearl that it was hilarious. we decided that we were both super mario's women for the night. we walked through the city and entered the opera bar (which i hate) with his arms around the both of us.

a couple of our work mates walked in after us and heard the best comments from the other ppl walking behind us: 'fuck! either that man is gay or he's a fucken lucky guy!' cracked me up.

then as super mario was getting more booze for us (not a good idea) we got bombarded by some scottish guy with his sleazy italian mate. they thought they were The Studs[tm]. we just pointed and laughed as they were trying to start up a convo. we didn't give them much to work with.

i think i played every role from swedish to russian in that one prolonged pathetic attempt to start up a conversation. also, i think miss pearl declared that i was in fact sicilian at some point.

the poor scottish guy trying to chat me up was convinced that i don't speak a word of english, as i was switching between finnish, swedish and russian while answering him with the most convincing vacant drunken look on my face. and in the end he goes 'right. you can't understand a word i'm saying, can you?'

bunnies, you should have seen his face as i started talking to miss pearl a moment later. fucken hilarious.

just as we got bored with the game, super mario came in and stated that we were both his property and took us away from what had already turned into a nuisance. we walked out of the joint with his arms around us and he took us all the way to the cab.

now i've got the hurty head to prove that there was way too much free champers consumed. but hey, cheap and nasty: just the way i like it.

a world of weight off my shoulders

yes. as same guy already guessed in his comment, i handed in my thesis (exegesis) yesterday.

[insert here a big woohoooo]

it was so fucken unreal walking into the office and handing my baby in as 4 binded copies, that it felt like there should have been at least the press present to wittness such a grand moment in my life. instead there were two giggly overweight registrars who frowned at the title of my exegesis.

it was great none the less bunnies.

i had a major drama with printing my baby, as our fantastic office printer - that we have NEVER had problems before - mystically empties it's toners and killed it's drum the day before i needed to print. and of course the replacements never arrive on time.

then on the day that i'm supposed to hand my thesis in, i end up calling through all the bloody printers in the city who are all too busy to get anything done before monday and cost an arm and a leg (literally). i ended up calling the same printer that pg was using and got a quote that was half the price than the cheapest one in the city and the guy knew his business.

pg and retro doll picked me up from the station and then drove me around so that i could get mine printed and handed in on time. i couldn't have pulled it off without them! then we hit the pub by lunch time to celebrate. all in all a very good day.

one of my fav songs ever...

reamonn - supergirl

doors

opportunities are like doors. they're all around you but the difficulty is choosing the ones that are right for you. this can be applied to all the four main areas of life: home, passion, relationship and career.

for the past four years i've been living with my passion ranking as the top one. passion in this case being of course my art studies and all the three other areas have been following in it's lead.

however, now i'm nearing the end of my studies for the moment, as i am not planning to continue straight into another degree but instead plan to take at least a year or two off uni to get my head straight first.

now i find myself in a situation where i'm forced into choosing a new balance between the four main building blocks of my life. the natural choice i suppose would be career, but i'm not convinced if i want to live a career lead life again.

if i want to arrange things around my home, i need to get a high paying job to be able to afford living in sydney. this would eat away time from my passion.

if i want to keep letting my passion lead my life i am facing moving away from sydney in order to afford a house big enough to include studios for both printmaking and digital creation.

while i'm not ready to let the relationship part lead my life, it will definitely be included in the decision making process no matter which way i decide to go. i have been very happy in the relationship that i am in and don't wish to change that. hopefully i will see the doors that allow me to keep the relationship in healthy balance with the other areas of my life.

i know that the right doors will reveal themselves when i most need it, but this confusion is always as frustrating. waiting for the dust to settle down in order to be able to see clearly must be one of the hardest things in life. its so tempting to play it safe and leap through the first door that seems decent enough to compromise for. but then you miss the right one. and once you miss the right door, you miss all the consequent ones as well.

now if that bloody dust would just settle...

save uws arts

i received this email from sari and decided to post it since i know a lot of uws ppl read this blog.

Dear all,

As past students of UWS Fine Arts and as Western Sydney artists we are concerned both about the future of this course and effectively the resilience of art in the west without such a course to nurture and support future generations of Western Sydney artists.

We have set up a blog to initiate dialogue for all interested parties and on which we will post details of any upcoming events or protests that will promote the necessity of preserving Arts in the West. Please forward this email to any current students, past students, Western Sydney artists, and other interested parties.

Click on the link below to access the blog and please post or email any comments or suggestions you have as well as any relevant websites you would like us to link up to the blog.

http://saveuwsarts.blogspot.com/

From: Sari Kivinen (Spokesperson)

catheter kim & the crow

deviant's young padawan (his apprentice) had his 21st on the weekend and he had put up a massive horror theme party.

deviant decided to dress up as the crow and since i expected the place to be filled with black fishnets (and oh so right i was) i opted for the white ones and dressed up as a candystriper (thanks to muscles for the costume hint).

i didn't want to drag my beloved camera along with what was about to be a major piss-up and trusted that other people would take the pics instead. the only downside is that i have no piccies to post up now as we were in too much of a hurry to remember photos when we left.

fuck me it was difficult to find white stay up fishnets! i could find every bloody colour of the rainbow, but all the white ones were fucken tights. fuck that. eventually after going through *every* adult store in the cross i was able to find one pair of white fishnet stay-ups tucked away behind a pile of black ones.

i found the perfect dress for the outfit from newcastle and i already had the perfect uber-hot candy apple red high heels. all i needed was an enema bag, nurse's hat and an apron to finish off the outfit.

deviant was lucky enough to have such a professional make-up artist to provide him with the perfect face paint for the night. his hair was perfect for the look as it was and all he needed to finish off the look was a black pair of denims with a tight black long sleeved shirt. yum.

let me tell you bunnies: he'd make a shit hot goth boy.

half way through the night he confessed to developing a major shoe fetish during the past few months. fantatic. what could be more fitting to accompany mine - having a fetish for wearing beautiful heels - than someone who has a fetish for seeing them on me. sweet as.

done done DONE!

fnished my thesis. fucken fantastic! now i'll just workshop it through with my supervisor next week and i'm done.

time to hit the piss bunnies!

what a kerfuffle!

i haven't been able to login on blogger since my last post, hence there's been no ranting lately.

however, today i was saved by a knight in shining armour from blogger help and pointed out that this was - as usual - yet another case of s.u.e.* silly bridget.

really need to do some work now, but a lot has happened within the last week and a half and i'll fill you bunnies in as soon as i have the time.

however, now its thesis time and then some major preparations for tomorrow's fancy dress party.

(* s.u.e. = stupid user error)

south coast rok big time

as much as i love sydney, fuck its good to get away every now and then. especially when - like this time - you happen to score the perfect weather for a weekend by the beach.

deviant took me four hours down the coast for a late bday celebration with his family. which naturally meant fishing, piss-up and most of all the beach.

the weather was seriously spoiling us and i just pranced around in my luvly new bikinis pretty much the entire time... also, managed to provide the ladies with a lil bit too much sun and now my poor titties are lobster red and sore as all hell. not good.

on the first night there we were visited by a few very hungry and equally adorable possums. apart from them being cute as all hell, i am still enough of a tourist to get excited abt the hairy lil oz natives.

what made it especially cool was that the mummy on the rail here had a lil baby in it's pouch. now i have to admit that i don't know what to call the lil one... a baby roo is called a 'joey' but i'm not sure if a possum baby has such a default name?

--

you know the way every tv-show always has the comic sidekick? well, as far as our trips and piss-ups go, that's citronella. and fuck he does it well.

on saturday we went for a long walk along the beach to get to this specific fishing spot. the walk takes about an hour but the scenery was stunning and the spot was good so it was worth it.

we got to the spot and the men fished until sunset. when it started to get darker, we packed up and headed back towards the car hoping to make the whole one hour walk back before it gets too dark.

we were all pretty much buggered from the long walk in as well as spending the entire day in the sun fishing (or in my case going seriously snap happy). after walking for 10 minutes or so citronella started having some serious drama with the long walk ahead of us and suddenly decides to take a shortcut heading straight into the bush. yeh, not good.

abt 10 mins later the rest of us come to a clearing and he's nowhere to be seen. we sit and wait for him and start to get a lil bit worried since we can't see him and he's not answering our calls.

after waiting for a good 15-20 minutes we really start to get worried and plan what to do in case he's tripped on something and knocked himself unconscious somewhere in the thick bush around us.

just when we are getting both really pissed off and worried, he suddenly emerges all scratched and fucked up from the middle of the thickest part of the bush. before we had a chance to tell him off - and keep in mind that we were worried sick and seeing him still alive and relatively well turned all the worried energy into homicidal rage - he just goes "well, that sure wasn't the fastest way!" and nonchalantly marches past us to continue along the beach.

fuck i cracked up. i mean, you can't even be angry with this fuckwit. he's just too fucken funny.

we were keen on getting back as soon as possible and admittedly were walking pretty fast. poor citronella didn't agree with the fast pace at all and for the rest of the walk he was just ranting, raving and whinging on non-stop about - and i quote - "what a drama i'm having!" poor bugger.

later on we were sitting indoors enjoying a glass of laphroaig being all civilised and shit when citronella storms into the cabin. "well, i just did something i have never done before... i pissed on a kangaroo!" and after a lil think he continues "that was cool. i'm gonna go and do it again!"

bunnies, this man is truly an asset.

i have to tell you: there is nothing quite like seeing a six-foot-five giggling drunken bastard running around the camping ground with a beer in one hand and his cock in the other, chasing roos trying to piss on them.

absolutely priceless.

iggy & tom - coffee and cigarettes

fuck me jarmusch is brilliant.

somewhere in california
iggy pop & tom waits
from coffee and cigarettes (dir. jim jarmusch)

chocolate makes the world a better place

grh. got home and stuffed half a block of fazer blue chocolate down my throat, fetched my credit card and got the bloody tickets. so now i've got tickets to both field day and muse. mebbe it's not such a bad day after all...

quite excited abt field day actually. both the presets and crazy penis are playing. joy.


muse:

crazy penis:


the presets:

fuckshitfuck

this is just so not my day.

--the morning.
great news: deviant calls telling me that muse is doing another gig in syd and the tickets are on sale. yay. so online i go buying the tickets.

*pa-pow*

the gig is on the same date as the bloodymotherfucking tool gig, so its a no go. grrr.


--walk to work
walk to the coffee shop to get my morning coffee.

*pa-pow*

i realise that i left my wallet home >> no money >> no coffee


--office part 1
decide to get two tickets anyway and get someone else to go with me. sit in front of my comp, surf to the ticketek site to buy tickets.

*pa-pow*

no wallet >> no credit card >> no muse tickets. growl.


--office part 2
email/message/call my mates to see if anyone would be interested in going to the gig and would have a credit card handy.

*pa-pow*

find out that all my friggen mates are going to the tool gig so they can't come to the muse gig.

--

as a bonus the tool ticket incident with deviant seems to drag on as a day-long sms fight that makes everything just that little bit worse.

in fact, this entire day has been a full on fucken abortion and i am quite convinced i should have fucken stayed in bed.

motherfuck!

somebody fetch the baseball bat so that i can do the bitch-on-a-homicidal-rampage-thingie.

[insert here a heart attack]

less booze, more health health health. fuck. went for a run by the beach with deviant today (no, he refused to run topless). i died. and he just fucken caned on. was not fair.

need longer legs. and a new pair of lungs. also, a new liver wouldn't go a stray...

speaking of business ideas, i can't wait for them to come up with off the counter hot-swap-livers.

supermassive black hole alright...

fuck. what a weekend. i feel like i need another one just to survive from saturday.

was pissed off to start with, which didn't really help. deviant confessed that he had got himself a ticket to the tool gig without getting me one. cunt. was NOT impressed. so yeh there was a world of rammstein and nin cranked out LOUD while dolling up. *growl*

my old flattie dui had a rooftop party and 'pretty much everyone we know' was attending. got sloshed, nearly punched deviant in the face, made up while still agreeing that he in fact was a cunt, drank some more, stole every ciggie i could see while knowing that it was a bad idea, felt sick and smoke some more, drank some more, took a cab home. all in all a great night out.

i might have been a bad girl and missing out on most of the piss-ups with my mates recently, but when i show up i *really* do put the effort in. fuck half arsed drinkies. if you do it, you might aswell do it properly. or so i thought on saturday. wasn't quite as convinced when i woke up on sunday morning. but that's a whole other story.

on sunday deviant went for a fish at sunset. when we arrived there was this wanna-be-stud teaching a couple of asian chicks how to fish. heh. we rock up and deviant catches a squid on his first cast. of course the chicks (who apparently hadn't been able to catch fuck all) run in to worship 'the real man' and the poor fucker who had been working on it all day lost all his bushman points straight away. so funny.

plus the calamari rings were delicious too.

today i've been grilling my fluorescent white arse in the sun by the pool (well, the imprint of the bikinis is still just as white) while typing away my exegesis. nothing quite like getting your tits out in the sun to provide that lil edge to your academic bs...

muse rok

muse - supermassive black hole is my fav track atm. strongly recommended bunnies...

spoiled rotten part 198

deviant came back on monday so i've been a very happy lil chicky for the past couple of days.

before he came back, he teased me over email telling me that he got me prezzies and of course refused to tell me what it was. all he said was that he got 'some kiwiana for a finnish princess'.

he gave me two lil parcels, first one containing a pair of beautiful round jade stud earrings and the second revealing this gorgeous jade carving pendant.

the shape is a traditional maori design named 'eternity' and there was a little note with it explaining the meaning of the design:

'eternity - the soft curves and crossover form symbolises from beginning to eternity in life and relationships'

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm being spoiled rotten. but i'm loving every second of it. such a good man he is.

those groovy ducks rock my world!

[via]

a new era?

rightio bunnies and possums,

life between the shoeboxes has now started using blogger beta with all the new cool gadgets and thing-a-magics. let's see if it's worth the hassle.

as i transfered over, i lost my old template so i had to modify the look of the page a little. also, i lost the links that were hardcoded on the old layout. will put them up soon again tho.

lucid dreaming

i prolly haven't ranted on about this before, but i am a lucid dreamer. it's not something that i have learned to do on purpose, but instead i always have been ever since i can remember. this has not always been a pleasant experience and especially as a kid it was rather daunting and even traumatic.

for those who are not familiar with the phenomenon, lucid dreaming is dreaming while being consciously aware of the fact that you are dreaming and often in control of your dream.

"lucid dreaming is the conscious perception of one's state while dreaming, resulting in a much clearer ("lucid") experience and usually enabling direct control over the content of the dream. the complete experience from start to finish is called a lucid dream. ...defined ... as "dreaming while knowing that you are dreaming."
...
although clear and consistent knowledge is difficult to find among the many interpretations of the experience — especially considering its highly subjective nature — the validity of lucid dreaming as a scientifically verified phenomenon is well-established."

[wikipedia - lucid dreaming]

lucid dreaming as most of the vividly recalled dreams happens in the rem (rapid eye movement) state of the sleep. in rem sleep the entire body apart from eyes is paralysed. the typical lucid dreamer is not supposed to be encumbered by the sensory system of the body but instead free to explore the world of the mind with a perspective not available while awake.

my problem is that when i realise that i am dreaming i also become very acutely aware of my physical body. i can feel the position of my body lying down in the bed, the pillow under my head, the sheets touching my sking and the weight of the doona on me. and if i am sleeping next to someone i am aware of their presense as i can feel them beside me and hear their breathing.

last night again started with some rather unpleasant lucid dreaming. instead of taking control of the sleep, i get too focused on my physical body. the rain drumming on my window got mixed in the dream giving it a very dark undertone and instead of engaging with the dream using my mind i tend to try to use my physical body and the feeling of being paralysed is far from pleasant. most of the times my dreams end up with me forcing myself awake. and this was no exception.

i got up and walked towards the kitchen feeling a little wobbly. by the time i walked past the mirror i noticed how warped everything seemed and i realised that it was a bloody false awakening instead of the real thing. i got pissed off and started stomping my foot repeating 'wake up you dumb cunt, wake up wake up WAKE UP!' after running around the place for a while going apeshit trying to wake myself up i finally managed to do so for real and found myself once again lying down in my bed.

it was only 5am but i had no desire to go back to sleep anymore so instead i googled up lucid dreaming. after reading a few websites raving on the positive aspects of lucid dreaming and how everyone who knows how to do it describes it as the most wonderful experience of their life. after reading how some people use it to realise their sexual fantasies not possible in real life, i was inspired enough to give it another go. if they can turn it positive then so fucken can i.

i went back to bed for a few hours and surprisingly managed to have a positive lucid dream. when i fell asleep i was aware of the dream straight away and instead of giving away to the panic of feeling paralysed, i told myself to calm down and go with it. and it was great.

no i didn't end up having a mass orgy or anything cause i was too swept away by flying around and through things and flying into class rooms through the walls being invisible and picking up the teachers white board marker and drawing big cunt symbols on the walls while the class cracked up and the teacher watched in panic.

i think next time i will try to come up with some ideas for artworks...

first draft of exegesis 90% done (raw text 9k/10k) - 2 days to go.
video work finished.

little parcel of happiness

nothing is better than receiving a post package from home.

mum sent me shitloads of finnish candy along with mätitahna (fish egg/kaviar paste), hotchocolate-powder (dairy free) and two bags.

i don't know how long you've been reading my rants, but there is a history behind the kitty bag that makes it oh so much sweeter to recieve this one from mum

see, i used to have a kitty bag. since i couldn't find one that i liked (they were all too plasticky, busy and pink) i designed and made one myself. it was wonderful and i loved it with all my heart. then i got robbed (well burgled) in newtown and some worthless piece of shit ran off with my priceless kitty bag and all of its contents.

about a year ago my mum visited austria on business and emailed me afterwards that she had found the best bday gift for me but that instead of sending it wanted to give it to me the next time i visited home. since i was unable to visit home this year and was pestering her for sending me finnish candy, she now remembered the gift and included it in the parcel.

mums rok big time.

kitty bag resurrected:

its boring times bunnies

i've been squeezing every ounce of creativity in me into my exegesis and lately there has been none left for anything or anyone else.

deviant is still in nz and returning on monday. the reason i've been so busy is that i want to get the first draft of my exegesis ready the day before.

to relieve this state of boredom, i had a massive night out at an exhibition opening yesterday. took miss pearl and bella with me.

i ended up drinking with a random crowd of artists, lecturers, students and piss-heads and thank gawd couldn't remember their names for the life of me.

xcept an sca lecturer ranting on about experimenting with viagra. that shit was just too funny to forget. and jon wah snogging an older male artist after i introduced them. fucken priceless i tell you. good one. also, i think i was teaching some finnish swearing to an asian chicky with a voice like bjork's.

also, i think i promised to appear in some shortfilm as 'the loud drunk one' as well as had a heated argument with a lecturer of mine on 'corporate cock' vs. 'THE corporate cock'. there was lots of foot stomping until he claimed that it was in fact his language and that i should just stfu. did. and got another drink.

the funny thing was that after being very loud, rude and obnoxiosly drunk all night (yesyes, very ladylike indeed), this one charming young man asks if he had heard correctly that i 'had a partner' cause otherwise he'd be interested in asking me out. both honestly surprised and flattered i thanked for the compliment and took it as my cue to go home.

all good fun. xcept waking up this morning. owwie.

sweet dreams are made of this...

quoting a mate: '...i think something died with that doll!'

first draft of exegesis 85% done (raw text 8.5k/10k) - 5 days to go.
video work finished.

while you are away | my heart comes undone | slowly unravels | in a ball of yarn | the devil collects it | with a grin | our love | in a ball of yarn | he'll never return it | so when you come back | we'll have to make new love | björk - unravel

crikey. its a sad day.

tip for mac using bunnies

this lil app has seriously made my mornings just that little bit better.

as an application, alarm clock is very simple: at the set time, it starts playing your choice of music starting very quietly and building up the volume slowly until it becomes loud enough to wake the user up.

the trick is, that this lil thing can wake-up your macbook from sleep and turn it on at the time of the alarm.

i can't begin to tell you what a difference there is between waking up gently and slowly to the pleasant tunes of air - la femme d'argent instead of the brutal and sudden screaming of my phone alarm.

the music seems to bring your consciousness up slowly until you are ready to wake-up, where as the normal alarm just jerks you from dreamland to harsh reality with no cushioning what so ever.


warmly recommended bunnies!

too much thesis not enough fun

you know you've been working too hard when you continue working after you fall asleep.

not good.

for the first half of the night i was forming sentences for my thesis and the latter half i had a very unpleasant dream. not quite a nightmare but not far from one either.

you know when in your dream you go through a scenario you fear in real life? it gets even worse when its a 'reality dream' - a dream so realistic that it doesn't feel like a dream at all. so yeh, i woke up all fucked up and confused and not in my bestest of moods at the moment.

i think i need a cup of coffee and a mind clarifying run. hopefully that'll do the trick.

also, i think i'm having lunch today with the finnish chickie who knocked my drink over at my local a couple of months ago. that should be fun.

time for a lil break

fuck i've been a good lil chicky today!

i started my day with a mind clarifying jog and after that spent an hour or so reading welsh's ecstasy by my roof top pool in bikinis trying to soften out the tan lines i got while running. the water felt too cold for me to jump in quite yet, but it was a beautiful hot day otherwise.

the rest of the day has gone by with a glass of white and my exegesis. i was finally able to create a proper working file for it. now i have a clear idea of the structure of the document as well as balancing out the different parts to right proportions.

now i'm just too overwhelmed by all of it to continue working on it anymore tonight. i need to get the document printed out and start blowing holes into it with a red pen.

the text is still very much raw and far from the final polished goal, but its a start and a good one too me thinks.

join me for a glass of white, will ya? now if only deviant was here to snuggle up to and watch a film with, this would be a perfect day.

first draft of exegesis 76% done (raw text 7.6k/10k) - 8 days to go.

first draft of exegesis 72% done (raw text 7.2k/10k) - 8 days to go.

musica

today, as i was going through my ipod to find some music to listen to during my run, i came across prodigy's experience album. i had managed to forget how brilliant it was. it made me think of music in general while running.

see, in the years 87-89, the first three albums (good ol' c-cassetes) that i bought were michael jackson - bad, alice cooper - trash and technotronic - pump up the jam. so my taste in music really could have gone to any possible direction.

however, it was prodigy - experience in 1992 that blew my fragile lil brain and shaped my taste in music for the last 10 years that i spent in finland.

i became a full on lil raver chicky and between 93-99 i dragged my arse to any raves available starting from the illegal warehouse ones set up in the middle of the dodgy industrial districts and carrying through to the massive commercial ones that ended up fading my interest to the rave culture as such.

the last big rave event that i took part in was love parade 99 in berlin. while i had the best time ever at the lp98, lp99 sucked balls big time.

from then on i was more into clubbing and groovy tunes to wriggle my body to.

the funny thing was that i never got into the candy raving thing. i still to this day have never popped a pill or done any other common party scene drugs. not that i'd have anything morally against it or that they wouldn't have been available. i just never felt the need for it. alcohol, caffeine and sugar seem to fuck me up just fine.

also, iam aware of the fact that i've inherited a rather fragile brain chemistry. having been on anti-depressants once was enough. i have no desire to fuck with my poor lil brain now that its even somewhat working.

mind you, this whole being an artist and not doing drugs sorta makes me feel like a bit of a cop-out. i mean, i am expected to destroy this body of mine both physically and mentally in record time, right? i guess i just have to go twice as hard with the booze...

oh, back to the music.

once i arrived in sydney, my taste in music has grown alongside myself and now covers pretty much everything as long as its NOT rnb, rap or post-millenium hiphop (old skool from late 70s to mid 90s still does it for me).

in fact, my taste in music is so broad that it feels impossible to answer when someone asks what i like. all i can really say is to list the last few albums to visit my itunes playlist.

so right now, i like: air - moon safari, prodigy - experience, eskimo joe - black fingernails red wine, black label society - mafia and nine inch nails - halo 02 pretty hate machine (the last 5 played albums according to itunes)

spring

tell you what bunnies, this must be by far my favourite time of the year.

you know those days when you can clearly see that winter has already given up and the spring is taking you step by step towards summer. a beautiful hot sunny summer.

every day, you can feel that it's just that little bit warmer, the sun shines just that little bit brighter and the days are getting just that little bit longer. every single day.

today was the first day when it was warm enough to run in hot pants instead of the normal long pants. since i'm not a beach person, this is the only way i'll get a healthy colour on me really. so it's a very good thing and this is a very good day.

now i feel great and can get back to editing my video.

today, i'm a good girl.

inspired out of my brain

funny times bunnies.

i've been so incredibly inspired this week that its borderline scary. i'm coming up with new ideas for art works every day and its getting so overwhelming that i'm starting to forget them. i've actually had to start a new journal on macjournal just to store the ideas.

i've got 5 new works on my to-do list and all of them have formed in my head between monday and thursday.

mebbe the inability to vent out the creative energy through sex has transformed into a need to create? fuck. does this mean that to be inspired i must stop having sex? now there's a scary thought if i've ever seen one!

anyhoo, the latest one popped up in my head yesterday as i was walking home from work. and now i need a polaroid camera. i've always wanted one but since the film is sooooo bloody expensive, i've never been able to justify buying it.

what's a good (and cheap) polaroid camera? where can i buy one around cbd sydney / online .au stores?

by the way, if any of you mac using uber-bunnies are also blogger / livejournal users: macjournal kicks arse.

first draft of exegesis 50% done (raw text 5k/10k) - 13 days to go

warning: ranting ahead

ok. i tried to be good and tried to let it go but fuck if i can. so here goes.

i wouldn't necessarily consider myself a grownup, but as i am nearing the daunting three-o i do expect myself as well as the people i interact with to be able to discuss and process situations as grownups. logic and reason are far underestimated if you ask me.

what brought the wrath on this time?

see, last night i was thrown in the middle of a situation that i was not expecting. a mutual acquaintance of me and my friend suddenly popped back to say hello after a break of a few years.

back in the day the three of us were in daily contact and on one memorable occasion shared a very entertaining brunch.

well, this acquaintance of ours, she thought that it would be a fantastic idea for the three of us to catchup since it was fun yrs ago and so much time had passed since. surely this was a lovely idea.

or had been if it weren't for the fact that this friend of mine had cut off all contact with me nearly a year ago with no apparent reason or a prior warning.

while romantic relationships are fickle and due to the depth of the emotions and the intimacy involved can result into situations so inflamed that it would seem justified to perform such an abrubt disconnection, aren't platonic friendships supposed to be far more stabile and open even if between a female and a male?

i do have a hazy theory based on the personality and life situation of my friend as well as the pre-disconnection behaviour of people close to him. however i can't be sure since it really was a total surprise. if i had done something to bring it on, i - still to this day - am entirely oblivious to it.

no, logic or reason didn't help with this one.

the awkwardness of the conversation brought back the frustration that i had felt when the communication was cut off, and his behaviour made no effort to correct the situation.

while i believe he is entitled to cut off and/or continue any friendship as he wishes, i do believe that the 'right' way of dealing with situation such as this would be to provide at least some level of explanation and/or warning of what was to come.

wouldn't you agree?

now i'm just annoyed that a kind gesture of an old friend brought back an issue i had filed away already ages ago. *growl*

'that's it, i'm done! behind the barn - off you go!'

a very productive day

[insert here a slightly less stressed chicky]

i had a very inspiring and beneficial meeting with my supervisor today. suddenly the exegesis seems less daunting.

i have decided to write up the first draft of my exegesis within the next two weeks and thought i'd better get right to it.

i wrote about 1k on blogging on my way training home and just finished ranting on another 1k on the idea of the accompanying stories as well as the importance of text in my work.

in total, i have almost 5k of raw text accumulated towards the 10k of finished text.

suddenly it seems possible to actually pull this through after all. who would've thunk it?

wake up it's a beautiful morning...

i do really, REALLY love my view. in fact, i think i am quite the happy lil chicky existing in my lil bachelorette pad.

procrastination

i really should be getting into this exegesis shit now that deviant is away for a couple of weeks. yet i find myself reading every bloody book i can get my hands on. and no, these are in no way related to my exegesis subject.

well, i suppose irvine welsh goes from sodomy to necrophilia and any other form of sex pretty easily, but i dare say i'd still find it difficult to argue it within my focus of studies...

prolly a good thing now that i think abt it.

but hey if i aroused your curiosity, get your hands on irvine welsh's ecstasy. well worth the giggle.

all that's missing is a bloody apron!

i must be hormonal or someshit. i've been cleaning up like a madman all day. first my computer and then my apartment.

it started with sorting out my iphoto, continued as an innocent act of wiping the desk and suddenly i have went through all those piles of papers that mysteriously pile up in certain spots around the place. and then it got out of hands and i've pretty much gone through all the junk that i have and tidied everything up.

you should see the mountain of excess crap i have piled up for throwing away. i reckon that's at least three trips to the bins.

i feel heaps better, but now i feel like i need to do something to myself. mebbe a run would help? the weather certainly seems nice enough...

exegesis 30% done (6 stories - 3k/10k)

yay for finnish design

i was able to acquire a half a dozen of tsaikka glasses in their original box from a local auction house for $5. score.

timo sarpaneva designed the tsaikka glass for iittala in 1957 and it has always been one of my iittala favourites. in fact, some of my earliest christmas/winter memories include eggnog/glög served from these glasses at my grandparents' house.

mebbe during the next xmas holidays i can hook up some glög from ikea and serve it hot from my own tsaikka glasses. its really quite funny how these lil patriotic things pop up once you're far enough for long enough. honestly didn't think i had it in me before i left the country...

abt a friggen time...

there's something abt bikinis that just makes it borderline impossible to find a pair i'd be willing to pay the price for. the last bikinis that ifound and bought was in 2001.

however, by some miracle i found these yesterday. there was only one pair left, they were my size and a *perfect* fit. it was meant to happen.

they're gorgeous and i can't wait for summer so that i can start wearing them!

rock and/or roll at penriff heights

phew. that was a big one.

pg and his lovely gf retro doll had invited us over for house warming drinkies on saturday. on our way to their place we visited swinging susan and discoman.

swinging susan is preggers BIG TIME and about to pop any day now. she was wearing a bright red polka dot top that amplified the belly into gigantic proportions and i can tell you bunnies, that it was one of the most beautiful things i have seen.

see, while i do hate kids i still think that the belly of a pregnant woman is incredibly beautiful.

they had created the perfect lil love nest ready for the baby to arrive they seemed very happy and excited about this new project about to launch.

--

we arrived at pg & retro doll's house 4pm on the dot. heh, i bet they were expecting me to arrive at least a few hrs late as i usually do. we were treated with a delicious dinner cooked from scratch (everything dairy free too!) and to top off a perfect dinner, retro doll whipped up a divine berry pie for dessert.

we marinated ourselves in hefty quantities of alcohol throughout the night and by the time someone brought out the single malt and the cards, deviant gave up and passed out on the couch.

i pissed myself laughing with retro doll trying to make the bed for deviant while he was passed out on it and growling like the piss monster he was. we were only trying to make him more comfy but i think he just thought that we were poking him with sticks just to disturb his sleep. hilarious i tell you.

--

the next day i was hoping i would have passed out when he did. i was pretty fucken fragile all day. we went to katoomba and did the whole touristy snap-happy thing before driving back to the city.

i honestly didn't think i'd make it back to deviant's house and i dare say it was the most painful car ride of my life. after arrival, i crawled into his bed and curled into a small trembling ball while he carefully glued the broken pieces back together and let me sleep it off in his arms. to finish off the recovery process, he cooked a delicious dinner carefully listening to my hangover cravings.

such a good man he is.

the little sources of disgust

you know how everyone has those little things that they just can't stand?

someone goes apeshit after finding the toilet seat up, somone can't stand the toothpaste being squeezed from the middle and someone can't handle their cd collection out of order.

well, i can't stand sticky things. you know, little sauce bottles in your fridge that are sticky around the neck. little patches of floor that your sock sticks on or the glue of a price tag remaining on the bottom of a bowl and endlessly sticking to your fingers. i fucken hate sticky things.

well, i just discovered that a tub of hair removal wax had leaked and created a whole world of sticky in my cuboard.

i am not happy.

bloody gadgets

well, there's one night of my life that i'll never get back.

as i've been ranting apleanty already, i bought a macbook. since i already have a desktop pc, this is the second computer in my lil bachelorette pad and of course both of my babies need to be online.

i walked into this computer store near my work and asked for a router. the response was a blank stare. after a very meaninful silence the guy behind the counter goes 'sorry, i don't mean to be sexistic, but its not often that a lady walks in and asks for something like that...' managing to swallow my annoyance, i eventually walked out of the store with a router.

as soon as i got home, the trouble started. i couldn't get the bloody thing working. i know i'm no tech head, but i'm not that much of an airhead either and that fucken piece of shit was driving me insane. at the end of a very fucken annoying fight, i gave up only to realise that i can actually hook up both of my babies to the adsl2+ modem that i had. silly bridget.

even tho i got my money back the next day as i returned the router, i did have to pay a very high price: i had to play the dumb lil woman role complete with the '...i'll just stick to my lip gloss from now on and leave this tech stuff to men...' line.


*growl*

widget testing

fantastic things these widgets really. now i found one that allows me to blog straight from my desktop with a single button click.

mebbe this will inspire me to rant some more?

honeymoon

i cannot begin to tell you what a pleasure it is to be a mac user again. everything just works and looks so perty.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: fuck pcs.


quoting a hot-momma-to-be friend of mine: 'comparing macs and pcs is like comparing jamiroquai's car to john howard's car...' and johnny dear, i'm done with your oh-so-boring wheels. i need some eye pleasuring excitement. yes.

oh, found another perty addition to my baby. since the macbook only has 80gigs of hard drive space, i opted for an external one to store my working files on:

>>> lacie brick 250gig external hard drive

isn't she perty?

and she's mine, all mine!

...yeh, the tax returns came through and i marched straight into the closest apple centre and walked out with a box full of black & beautiful sleek portable perfection. sooo perty.

the world is feeling smaller by the day

its funny what a difference the technology can make.

my mum has finally got her webcam purchased and installed at home. only took abt half a year of whinging to get her to do that. well, since that i've been able to transfer myself in the middle of our livingroom weekly while catching up with my family almost face to face. makes such a big difference compared to just hearing the voice.

(oh btw, any of you irl bunnies around the world are using skype, you can find me under the skypename 'firstname.lastname')

also, technology would make my jogs more interesting if i'd finally get the battery changed to my heart rate monitor watch. now i just have to go for my runs without recording the data.

oh well, its a beautiful enough day here is sydney again and for two days in a row the weather has provided enough motivation for running.

[insert here a chicky as sweaty and pink as a piggy on a barbie]

tomorrow deviant is driving me down to kiama and back to shoot my next video. such a perfect man he is. which reminds me, better go and scrub myself up so that i'll have enough time to doll up before he gets here.

simply brilliant

'i am here to fix your computer miss...'

tell you what bunnies, i'm getting spoiled rotten.

my home desktop was dying. the two case fans had died a long time ago and the cpu fan was on it's last breath. the poor thing threw a hissy fit every time i tried to work it any harder than the usual web browsing. first the bloody overheated drama queen would freeze and then crash like the pc it is.

naturally, this was pretty fucken annoying.

yesterday, deviant hunted down the right parts for my computer, picked me up from work and fixed my computer straight away. such a good man he is! now my baby is purring like a kitten again. well, mebbe a kitty with tb, but purring none the less!

since my baby was able to handle a proper workload again without spazzing out, i started working on the layout for deviant's article while he cooked me a gourmet dinner. he truly treats me like a princess. tho i am certainly not complaining - i am luvin every second of it!

mmm... there is just something so incredibly porn in a real man fixing things with tools. it just does it for me.

so close yet so far...

don't you just hate life's lil unexpected disappointments?

the day would have been perfect if you had no knowledge of it, yet the lil possibility of something nice suddenly fucking up dulls even the things that are going good.

take this for example:

i joined arts hub the other week. (for those who are not familiar with the site, its an australian job site for people working in the arts industry.) well, apparently you got a lil merchandise mug sent home after joining in.

i just got out of shower when the buzzer went off. it was the mailman informing me that he had a lil parcel for me. so i had to quickly dress up in something and run downstairs. it was a lil mug sized box with arts hub logo on it so i guessed what it was straight away.

excited over this lil unexpected positive surprise, i ran back upstairs opening the box as i go. really, i felt like a lil kid on xmas. well, not only was the mug broken in pieces, they had thrown in a lil freddo chocolate to cheer up my day. well, i'm lactose intolerant and can't eat chocolate.

so instead of cheering up my day, i was delivered with a double disappointment and now have a bloody chocolate on the desk making me crave something i can't have.

*deep sigh*

scientific vs. arty

you know what bunnies? even tho i am hardly the stereotypical chick, i do think i can still play the good girlfriend part pretty damn well when i feel like it.

see, i was waiting with a delicious spicy tomato pasta dinner and a glass of white when the tired fisherman returned from his trip last night. even tho he is the master chef and i do feel slightly intimidated cooking for him, i think i've done well the times i have. at least the feedback has been positive.

we just have entirely different ways of cooking. he's the perfectionist 'everything must be done from scratch' and 'presentation is everything' kind of chef with near scientific precise method for cooking and cutting every part of the meal.

where as i am more of the 'mmm... let's throw in this, some of this, pour more wine into the chef, add a lil bit of this and some of that and see what happens...' type. surprisingly my method seems to work too. mind you, it doesn't look as convincing during the process and the presentation is usually just chucking it into a bowl. next to a glass of wine of course.

but i have to say that its all good. instead of causing arguments or disagreements, the two very different approaches seem to compliment each other and i for one have learned a lot from my borderline pedantic hottie chef already. we just take turns in cooking and while one's cooking the other one is assisting without meddling in. works like a treat and the food is always uber delicious.

chicks & champers

last night was our soon-to-be-a-tradition chicky night out with miss pearl, kato and the ever beautiful gaia.

the pre-party was at miss pearl's new apartment. she's been talking the place up for couple of months already, but i have to say that it was even better than i expected. incredible lil nest with fantastic location, harbour bridge & opera house views and funky lil decor a la miss pearl. such a perfect lil love nest for her and mr hero.

and i have to admit bunnies, seeing her apartment did nearly jumpstart my bloody nesting instinct too.

we started out with way too many bottles of white outside on the balcony eating lil nibblies and once it got too chilly we moved indoors to the cozy lounge room. we were very drunk, bubbly, giggly, girly and quite loud i'm affraid. once the first neighbour appeared behind miss pearl's door to politely suggest that we could turn the volume down a bit, we decided it was time to move on.

we ended up sloshed and giggly as all hell, dancing, drinking and teasing poor lil men at the cross. i entertained myself by shooting the poor bastards down after their cheesy lines or boring compliments. mind you, it does grow old pretty fast. i'd rather go out with deviant, cause his mere presence is usually enough to repell any unwanted male attention.

i do think i'm a bit of a cunt to strangers approaching me in a bar. i just can't help it. they are so transparent and simple with their attempts to stick their man meat into any hole available and i'd rather make it clear from the start that they're wasting their time in my case.

i'd never start anything with someone i meet in a bar anyway. not that i'd have anything morally against it - i'd have to have at least some level of morals to begin with - but it just doesn't do it for me for some reason. *shrugs*

in the end every boring cunt trying to pick me up just makes deviant look better and better in my eyes.

exegesis: 25% done. (2 500/10 000 words)

one step closer to portable perfection?

yesterday was good. had a day off but spent it doing my taxes online, sorting up my costume jewellery (and throwing out 60% of it) and cleaning up the place here and there.

i realised that my tuition fees are tax deductible and since they pile up to nearly $17k over the last tax year, its a big deal. if the e-tax program is right, i should be getting enough money back to buy the macbook that has been causing me wet dreams for quite a while now. *drools*

*fingers crossed*

oh, and last night was great. deviant cooked up a massive feast. the biggest and fattest steaks i have seen in my life with roasted potatoes and sweet potatoes accompanied by his trademark chilli salad. sooo yummy. and of course we marinated ourselves with a couple of bottles of red wine while cooking.

the routine lately has been to walk to the store, pick up stuff for dinner, walk home via the liquor store that has wine tasting every night, grab a couple of bottles of the best one, consume the wine while cooking and then just feast till we both resemble beached whales and fall asleep half way through a twin peaks episode.

heh. good stuff i tell you.

which reminds me: bunnies, if you like red wine, make sure you give peter lehmann barossa range cabernet sauvignon 2003 a go. best red i have ever had. or to quote citronella 'this is the hook-up!'

wasn't the dudesons (male) pig named britney?

i think she is my favourite celebrity of the day.

its people like her that make it so easy for the rest of us to appear intelligent, charming and beautiful with no effort what so ever.

tell you what bunnies, gotta luv her.