Tuesday, August 30, 2005

warning: drunken entry

teeheehee. i can tell you bunnies, it is true: free white wine tastes even better in your *own* exhibition opening.

today was another lil step towards being an artist: i had my first group exhibition. a lil step, but step none the less. i've had one video played on a video screening show reel before, but this was the first exhibition opening i could actually attend myself.

i had six different print works exhibitioned, most of them series of three, totalling into 15 prints shown. heh. all the tits and arses in the show were my work. ppl seemed to be able to pick mine from the crowd pretty easily.

now i'm just utterly pissed. kinda funky.

Monday, August 29, 2005

nine inch nails - wish

"this is the first day of my last days | i built it up now i take it apart climbed up real high now fall down real far | no need for me to stay the last thing left i just threw it away | i put my faith in god and my trust in you | now there's nothing more fucked up i could do | wish there was something real wish there was something true | wish there was something real in this world full of you | i'm the one without a soul i'm the one with this big fucking hole | no new tale to tell twenty-six years on my way to hell | gotta listen to your big time hard line bad luck fist fuck | don't think you're having all the fun | you know me i hate everyone | wish there was something real wish there was something true | wish there was something real in this world full of you | i want to but i can't turn back | but i want to"
and remember to crank it out loud bunnies.


grah. look, i love sydney. i love new south wales and i love the whole friggen country.

so don't you fucken dare to read this entry as a whinge and bitch about how everything is so much better back home. ok? good. now you may continue reading.

at the moment i prefer this place over finland any day. don't get me wrong, finland's great too. for one month a year. the rest i can happily skip.

HOWEVER, some things in this country are just so incredibly illogical that it shits me to tears.

today, i wanted to pay my rent and my internet bill. sounds simple, right? wrong.

i rock up at the bank to transfer the rent money to my landlord's account. i queue up to the counter, only to hear that i need to walk back outside to get the cash out from the atm, or she'd be forced to charge me $2 for the transfer. ok. fine. i thought it would be a lot easier for her to handle numbers on screen instead of cash, but clearly i was wrong. out i go, only to find the atm's out of service. so back in, queue again and pay the bloody $2 fee. grh.

then she starts telling me off that actually the landlord's account is a special kind of an account and normally i wouldn't be able to deposit money on it. silly bridget! i thought accounts were meant for money to be both deposited to and withdrawn from them. clearly i was wrong. again.

this time she'd do the transfer for me but the next time i'd have to go to the grocery store next door to make the deposit. oh, that makes sense: i can't deposit money to an account at a bank, but i can at a grocery store.trippy shit.

then i try to pay my internet bill. but oh no, of course i don't pay bills in a bank. nono. to pay bills, i go to the post office. i mean. what the fuck?

is it just me, or does this all seem just a lil bit illogical?

if i pay bills at the post office and deposit money at the grocery store, what the fuck do we need the banks for?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

time for online personality tests

heh. lazy sunday calls for online personality tests. mind you, this one was so fucken accurate that it seems borderline scary. do you bunnies (who actually know me irl) agree?

ESTP - the promoter
your type is known as the promoter, because you have no trouble approaching strangers and you are so charismatic that you are good at pursuading people to do your bidding. your type is a subgroup of the experiencers group, also called artisans. you are a person of action - when you are around, things happen. resourceful with people is a good way to describe you. life is never dull around you. you are witty, clever, and fun. you are socially suave and know just the right thing to say to everyone you meet. you share your personality type with 10% of the population.

as a romantic partner, you are usually exciting and willing to try anything once. you are often much more responsive to your partner's physical needs, rather than their emotional ones. you tend to communicate at what other types tend to think of as a superficial level, as you don't see a big need for heart-to-heart talks. you want to be appreciated for the fun-loving responsive problem solver you are. you are happiest when your partner respects your need for freedom to be spontaneous and to enjoy life's many pleasures.

your group summary:

  • are proud of themselves in the degree they are graceful in action
  • respect themselves in the degree they are daring
  • confident of themselves in the degree they are adaptable
  • the "sensation seeking personality" -- trusting in spontaniety and hungering for impact on others
  • are usually hedonic about the present, optimistic about the future, cynical about the past, and their preferred time and place is the here and now
  • educationally go for arts and crafts, avocationally for techniques, and vocationally for operations work
  • tend to be permissive as parents, playmates as spouses, and play oriented as children

post daquiri jugs life

good morning bunnies. i ended up having a good night yesterday.

at first it looked very bad. i was jumping up and down at home, screaming my lungs out that i was bored shitless. i was supposed to go out with two of my old mates who cancelled on me at the last minute. then just as i was abt to get really desperate, one of my old mates asked me out for drinkies. the tall, dark and handsome one.

we did the jugs of daquiris ritual at cohibar and of course i got giggly off my tits. but it was all good fun.

i feel like going for a run at the botanical garden. or rollerblading at homebush. or stretching by the beach. i love sundays.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

life as timeframes

tp - timeframe 2004

"sweet, sweet lollies..." & "...i can still recall the taste"
a series of two reduction lino cuts using three colours (120mm x 120mm)

i've prolly ranted on abt this shit before. timeframes i mean. i just had a long convo with an old mate of mine. the talk was good, but i feel that she might not have entirely understood what i tried to explain. so here goes another attempt just for you bunnies out there:

i believe that things have a time and space where they exist and once that timeframe closes, they become history. i don't believe in things being meant to last forever, even though some timeframes can be longer than others.

ever so often, people who break up seem to spin the entire past around the second the relationship ends. the wonderful partner who made them happy for months/years, is suddenly a deceitful arsehole (ok fair enuff, in some cases it really might be so). suddenly the entire relationship was a lie. the partner who whispered the sweet words into their ear, must have been lying, since s/he isn't there to whisper the words in the present moment. or worse: is whispering them into someone elses ear.

it seems that ppl find it difficult to look at things within the conceptual frame of when it happened. what is true today, might not be true tomorrow as today is tomorrow's yesterday. and yesterday is yesterday that cannot be changed by what happens today.

what was wonderful yesterday, is still wonderful as yesterday. the first kiss that made the heart race is still just as special and unique as a memory. it does not matter how many people the partner might have experienced 'a first kiss' with since.

the desperate attempt of holding on to a timeframe that has already passed gives it all a bitter flavour. instead of being able to treasure it as something special that happened, it becomes a painful ongoing sting in the chest. a dragging stone that's stuck somewhere between yesterday and today. not being able to enjoy today over the bitter pain of yesterday.

as a good friend of mine always used to say 'this too shall pass'. i think she was definitely on to something there.

Friday, August 26, 2005

[insert here an anxiety attack]

shit. i have turned into a newborn corporate whore. i have no idea how it happened.

before this, it was all ok, cause i just showed up when needed, worked a bit, got paid and fucked off. but today it all went a lil bit wrong.

today, i received my official company email address. i exist within the company. i have sold my soul. i am officially sucking the corporate cock. maybe i should start wearing a tie?

a corporate whore by day, a pathetic wanna-be-artist by night. oh the joy.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

i have a confession to make

bunnies, i have been a very, very bad girl. i think i need to be spanked.

i couldn't help it. i tried to fight it, i really, really did. but nothing was helping. i just couldn't reason my way out of it. and there i was, once again, walking home from work carrying a bag full of shoeboxes.

they were just too perty. they practically had my name on them. well, if my name was pierre fontaine that is. but you know. close enough. there's a t and a p. right?

both stilettos. one pair blue suave and other grey tweed-ish fabrick. both very perty and business-like.

i think i'm running on pair 45 or 46 now. i think i might need to go through my boxes and count them to be sure.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

today, i'm an exhausted lil chicky

i've had a great week at uni. my grad show work is going great, and i've been getting really good feedback for it. i got my film studies essay on deep throat back yesterday. got very good feedback and scored full points for 'originality of thought'. heh.

i've also had a great week at work too, even tho i haven't even started yet. going in tomorrow. but i had a phonecall with good news already on monday. so it's all very, very good.

there's some social bs that i've had to deal with lately. stuff that is really no one else's fault but mine, but it's making me very uncomfortable. well, i guess i am making myself uncomfortable. i dunno. not good anyhoo. maybe this will all smooth out soon.

got a nice surprise phone call from sunshine today. always nice to hear from him. i hold my dickheads dear even after i'm done with them.

speaking of dickheads, heard that my flirty sense of humour got someone into trouble (again). heh. sorry luv, didn't mean to. honest. i hope this doesn't mean that i'll have to start behaving and being all boring and shit...

Monday, August 22, 2005

it's oh so good to be a finn down under

bunnies, you have no idea how much shit i've copped for this bloody masterfoods ad.

"a whimsical finnish couple living in australia are the stars of this quirky new tvc from masterfoods to promote its range of finishing sauces.

while they’ve embraced their new home in ‘australia land’ in their hearts they yearn for things that remind them of home.

one day the wife discovers masterfoods ‘finish sauce’. the tvc shows her excitedly showing her find to her husband, having a little joke by covering the ‘ing’ on the packaging with her finger.

the later recount their tale to friends, who miss the joke that the couple find so hilarious."

milking the cow video mockup done

still from milking the cow video mockup
such a good lil girl i have been today. i finished the mockup of milking the cow video and prepared all the images for screen printing as well. i was even able to find a wav file for the sound. so in other words: it's all good.

the idea evolved a bit in the process as always. i was playing around with decoding/converting/editing the stills, and in the process somehow managed to accidentally squeeze the images into squares instead of the original 4:3 proportions. i quite liked the effect and decided to stick with it.

due to the new proportions of the images, i decided to skip the idea of doing a double projection and creating a single widescreen video clip instead. i also ended up turning the whole thing upside down.

the effect of the video is surprisingly hypnotic and mesmerizing. i wish i could upload a mockup for you bunnies to see as well, but at the moment you'll just have to take my word for it.

dumb bint

you know what, bunnies? i think i've been bullshitting myself.

you know the way you think you want something, when in real life you want something else? well, i thought i was too smart for that shit. i thought i knew myself too well. bullshit. i'm just as much of a dumb bint as the average jill falling for the good ole "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" trick.

not long ago i wrote a rant abt labeling ppl from one night shags to partners. while writing that i remember thinking that it would be so cool if someone had the balls to ask me out on a date straight away. see, normally i only get into these weird situations where a good friendship is suddenly turned into a relationship.

well, someone did ask me out. everything was perfect. everything was just the way i always wanted it to be. i was treated the way that i always hoped my fuckwits would treat me. i heard all the nice things that i had longed to hear before. but in reality, it freaked the shit out of me. suddenly i found my hand hovering above the bright red eject button even tho there was absolutely no reason to.

it made me realise how important it is for me to get to know someone free from responsibility and expectations. it made me realise how the aloofness of the other keeps the door open, allowing me my own comfort zone. i can't handle closed doors.

now, taking half a step back, opening all doors possible, i want to see who it is that has stirred me. once the doors are open i think i can sit down, move my hand further away from the panic button and get to know him instead of bolting out.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

"life is like a box of chocolates..."

...and i'm fucken lactose intolerant.

the nin gig was un-fucken-believable

the energy of the nine inch nails gig was just something that i have never experienced before. and i wasn't even in the pit. trent reznor is truly amazing. i'd give up tits & arse for him. for good. honestly.

(i was too busy having my mind blown to take pics. this is just one that i found off the net. i was straight in the middle so i had a way better view)

we arrived late, right when the warm up gig was finishing so we thought we'd get really shitty spots, but no. there were two empty seats, right in the middle at the back, just waiting for us. we saw it all, heard it all and we definitely felt it all.

for the lack of a better word: it was fantastic. the wretched just blew my mind and of course closer as the crowd pleaser was just phenomenal live. and on the other hand right where it belongs was just such a total contrast and so incredibly beautiful.

i wasn't so much listening as feeling. soaking in all the energy and letting it take me along with it.

everything was spot on: the lights elevated the performance into something amazing. the music was just loud enough, any louder and it would have been too much. the mixing was spot on (or at least so said the expert company). and there were absolutely no dickheads blocking my view at any point. at all. it was all just too good to be true.


in fact, everything last night seemed to just work out perfectly. to a point that it seemed scary.

from my date's timing to show up *just* as i was walking home from the store. the way every time we needed to park, a perfect spot just appeared, right there, right then. getting caught up in conversations before leaving to the venue, ending up leaving very late, yet arriving at the perfect time. having no idea how to get there and having no street directory, yet ending up choosing the exact right way to drive. nailing the perfect seats for the gig without stressing. absolutely everything.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

ooh, this should be good

tonight, mr. reznor, you have the permission to blow my mind. thank you very much.

i'll have to run to the city straight after the gig and join a mate's bday party. of course this bloody party is in a fancy club, so that dressing for both events at the same time is going to difficult as fuck. i don't see myself doing the nine inch nails gig in stilettos and there's no fucken way i'll go clubbing in sneakers. grh.

and yeh, before you ask. out of those 43 pairs: there's one pair of sneakers, one pair of running shoes, and apart from the few pairs of compulsory aussie thongs, the rest are high as fuck stilettos. i just don't do comfy of sensible shoes. i'm not a nurse for fuck's sake.

this might call for a change set of clothing in my bag and a superman-like striptease attempt in whatever equivalent of a phone booth i can find.

but bunnies, this gig is going to be so good!


thank you, mr. reznor for being just as fucken mind blowingly porn as i expected. an amazing gig. honestly blew my mind. blew my fucken mind right off the top of my head. incredible.

now bunnies, crank out loud nine inch nails - the wretched with me.

Friday, August 19, 2005

'grrroar!' said the paper tiger...

i think i need chocolate. chocolate always helps.


you know what, bunnies? finland is so in and pop atm. well at least if believe aussie telly that is.

first law & order: s.v.u. uses alvar aalto design chairs as a sign of having shitloads of cash. man, i nearly pissed myself when i heard the actor pronounce 'alvar aalto' with a horrid american accent. not perty.

then i watched some weird fucked up travel show abt a german freak in thailand. i was pissing myself laughing all through the program and then he bumps into a danish guy or someshit.
narrator: "i met this lovely danich fellow, but since he didn't speak any german or english and i can't speak any danish, we had a chat in the common language of northern europe: swedish"
[camera shows two twats in ridiculous 80's speedos, having a convo by the beach]
german guy:
"so, ever been to finland?"
danish guy:
"those finns are filthy animals."
and that was the entire conversation. heh. fantastic. yes, yes we are.


oh, also finally found my webcam again. thought i'd take a more recent pic for my profile. this is it: here i am, right here, right now.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


dammit. i feel like being all social and girly and giggly and shit tonight.

i blame my boss. entirely. she wasn't working today, so i was bored and sitting alone all day. no one to bitch and gossip with. unbelievable.

tomorrow i'll be concentrated on my uni work, like the good girl i am. but tonight, tonight i want to be entertained. i was counting on this certain good quality source of fucked up entertainment, but no. he was all busy and shit. how unlike him. heh.

a pleasant early morning

this is a new experience. i've slept extremely well and the full 9 hrs too. i woke up all alive and shit and now i'm a bit lost. what's going to take me through the morning if not the usual cranky mood of mine?

maybe i should drop something or fuck something up, just to be back in my comfort zone.


i'm starting to get really excited about a potential small collaborative group exhibition. i got the idea last week during a tute. i've got the perfect space thought out, i've got three ppl that i really want to do it with and i've got a loose timeframe when to do it. now all we need is a theme. a title. and we're all go. i'm trying to arrange a dinner out this friday to talk and plan this shit.

collaborating is interesting as fuck. the scary part is that you need to find excellent ppl to do it with before it works, but once you do it's fucken fantastic. it can fuck up really, really badly if you choose your partner wrong, but if you're carefull with your decision and lucky, you might end up doing the most interesting and successfull thing ever.

a good collaboration is so much more than the sum of it's parts. i feel that my previous collaboration projects with pg have been like that. he's brilliant and for some reason we work together really well. i have a feeling that that this group exhibition has potential of being just as good if not even better. i reckon that the four of us would compliment each other really well.

bunnies, this might be very good.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

high heels and all things girly...

ok, the hair brush got dropped out. however i do think that we came up with a really cool idea for a collaborative video performance piece with the c-word girly. (i've got to call her that, because everyone is always calling her 'cute' and she hates it. she is the only person i've met - other than myself that is - who prefers 'cunt' over 'cute' as far as the c-words go.)

the video performance will be based on the idea that "the high heel has been modelled based on the foot of an orgasming woman". i reckon it'll turn out quite funny and perhaps even entertaining. now all we need is a good camera man...


speaking of men, my uni mates kick arse. most of them are just clearly insane.

i sat through a two hr tute about 'bright red monkey penises' and 'pizzas' today. words 'chaos' and 'millieu' came up a lot too. well, actually only an hour and a half. the lecturer was crying and/or pissing himself laughing most of the time. but then he started to crack slowly and our endless rants ended up exhausting him completely. after banging his head on the table for a while, he told us to fuck off half an hour early.

such a fantastic tute group i'm in!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005


i don't know what to say. it's not often that someone positively surprises me. i think i'm more familiar with being disappointed with ppl. but today. today was quite different.

i was supposed to do a quick lunch with someone. naturally due to my ridiculous alcohol intake the previous night, around lunch time i was still reduced into a trembling and weaping pile of meat, lying on the bottom of my bath tub. there's just something so calming and soothing about water.

however, as i started to slowly regain consciousness as well as the use of my limbs again, i decided to be a good girl and go to the galleries after all. and i am very happy that i did.

the quick lunch was replaced with an entire amazingly beautiful spring day filled with deep and interesting conversations, walking around the botanical garden and glancing at some good quality art. and yes, we saw milk.

i had a wonderful day. totally unexpected. in fact, i was so impressed that i think i will meet him again tomorrow.

i've got to tell you bunnies: quite the prince charming, this one.


i think i might die. tho i have a feeling, that within a couple of hrs i'll be praying that i will.

note to self: 'a couple of drinks after work' on a monday will end up badly. very badly.

Monday, August 15, 2005

monday, bloody monday

hrrrrrr. here i am, wrapped in a doona, hugging my radiator and drinking my morning coffee. have i told you bunnies, that i don't rate monday mornings that high at all?

today is work day. i'll have to check the info on the new catalogue. the bonus is that the other desk in my boss's office is still free, so i can work with her today. the room is heaps warmer than the rest of the building and she's very entertaining. she is one of the few people i've met, who use the word 'cunt' as much as i do. that's always a good sign.

oh, and i got a surprising phone call yesterday from sunshine. i haven't heard from him for a while so it was nice. i promised to catch up with him after work today. should be fun. he's always good value.

Sunday, August 14, 2005


it was such a cool light i had to go a lil bit snap happy. the full body ones actually turned out really good and i might turn them into lino cuts...

Saturday, August 13, 2005

...and a hairbrush?

heh. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i love being a fine art student.

see, there's this pretty lil chicky in my class. full on creativity and adorable 'fuck-you-i'm-not-cute' attitude. great fun and fantastic fucked up ideas she is. anyhoo, she has this theory. or actually, i think she said she heard/read it somewhere. but she told me, that the reason why high heels are so sexy, is that they are modelled based on the feet of an orgasming woman. sounded fantastic i thought.

we had this girly giggly talk during one tutorial, where we came up with an idea of making a work based on this. she had some ideas for a video/performance piece.

well, she just smssed me asking to bring "two pairs of the highest of heels, a very short skirt and a hairbrush" with me to uni on monday.

ummm... a hairbrush?

Friday, August 12, 2005

nothing quite like those cranky mornings

and i bet all that white wine still desperate to leave my system didn't help either.
"...still, carrie can't separate herself completely from big. big becomes a special friend and in spite of (or maybe because of) their complicated past, he manages to ground her when she's feeling scared or alone..."
complicated. sometimes it's so very difficult to figure out what to think of some people. how can a fuckwit be trustworthy and aloof at the same time? always reliable and never there? how can one conversation make me feel like a real valued friend, and then end up in haggling that makes me feel cheap?

heh. some bunnies are just priceless, but that doesn't mean i wouldn't want to punch them in the face. hard.

i am annoyed.

woke up cranky as hell and coffee doesn't seem to be helping.

my tolerance towards bullshit from other people has been slowly sliding lower and lower, but recently it plummeted like a drunken fat bitch from the rooftop terrass of a skyscraper. screaming.

i have no patience for people getting difficult on me anymore, and rather than bending over backwards like i used to, i just tell them to go to hell. i'm fed up with setting my own priorities aside and adapting to the required mindset to please other people. fuck that.

i've been surprised to notice that this goes with people that i actually really care about as well. i used to think, that there are people who matter and people who don't. well, still think so. most of the ppl i meet, i dun give a shit about and i show that quite clearly as well. but for the people who matter, there's a whole different source of patience and tolerance. a whole different level of effort i am willing to put in for them.

for quite a while already, i have felt that some of the people i count closest to me have been blatantly abusing this. and i guess it's fair enuff, if they can get away with less, why put in more?

no more. not from you luv, not from anyone. stop fucken bargaining and have some respect.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

"just point me to the porn" ...?

i did a gallery run with my uni mates the other day. we went to the mca to see the situation exhibition (utter crap) and the kutlug ataman exhibition on upstairs (much more interesting).

as soon as i walk in the door, this one teacher walks up to me and says: "hey, there you are! if you go upstairs, the work on the left is very explicit. you'll love it!" erm... right.

i checked, but no, my shirt did not say 'just point me to the porn'.

the lady behind the mca counter had warned the teacher, that one of the works upstairs was very explicit, just in case she wanted to warn the students. heh. instead her reaction was: "oh no, i don't believe in cencorship! but hey, thanks for telling me, i've got one student who's going to like that one. better go and tell her straight away..." great. i seem to be the official freak.

mind you, she was right. i did like the work. it was a 180min video work of a transvestite prostitute telling the story of her life. i did put up a good fight, but i only sat there for an hour or so. then i gave up.

i dunno if there was more explicit parts to the work, but the part i saw included a meat shot of a customer blowing her, and later on her giving a handjob to the same customer while telling the story of her abusive father. i found it quite wrong and amusing at the same time. it was interesting to see how other people reacted to the work. almost more interesting than the work itself.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

life's so good it's starting to get scary!

honestly, shit just works out! today was yet another perfect example.

i was walking through uni, minding my own business and suddenly i bump into this guy from first year. i've met him a couple of times at uni and shit before, but don't really know him that well. he seems like a cool and interesting guy and i've heard the teachers mention his work. which is always a good sign. anyway, he comes over to say hi and offers me a ticket to see the nine inch nails gig that's on in couple of weeks. just like that, out of the blue.

fucken fan-tas-tic! i wasn't able to get a ticket before the sydney gig sold out and i just missed their gig in finland. i really, REALLY wanted to see them, but had lost all hope long time ago.

i've had to listen this one old mate of mine, going on and on abt how fucken awesome the nin finland gig was and how my life must suck since i missed it. every time i talk to him, he starts the conversation with the words: "oh, did i already tell you? NIN WAS FUCKEN AWESOME!" heh. funny fuckwit that one.

oh well, this shall shush him for good! yay!


miss s. just send this to me saying that she thinks it's my exact twin. ok, i can see the brainless grin and the messy hair, but wtf is it with the wings and shit? heh.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

shit just works out

i dun know what the fuck is in the air, but shit just seems to work out. like to the point that it's starting to scare me.

i had a great day at work yesterday. i got to do some really cool and fun shit. i got free hands with a handout and my next project is to design an add for the next auction. i heard some other fucken fantastic plans. fucken fan-tas-tic. but unfortunately i can't really say anything more abt that stuff yet.

my social life is starting to get so bloody busy that it's starting to steal time away from this precious blog of mine. sorry abt that bunnies. but it's very good. i've met a lot of interesting people lately and i seem to be magically getting in touch with my old mates as well. i think i've got the next 4 weekends booked full of parties, piss-ups and trips.

oh, and yesterday i read my artist bio published somewhere for the first time. scary shit.
feature artist: [ tp ]

art form:
film and audio-visual

artist bio: [ tp ] is a finnish video artist and a printmaker, interested in experimenting with combining the two very different mediums. during the year she's been experimenting with screen printing video clips (in collaboration with [name removed]) as well as continued creating video works from digital still images.

her work often plays with contradicting elements to engage the act of spectatorship as a part of the work. she aims to deliver a strong statement, but instead of dictating what that statement is, it's left as a blank line for the spectator to fill.
oh, and i'm still grinning. heh.

Monday, August 08, 2005

good ole aussies...

heh. this is exactly why i'm such a big fan of australia. the ppl here are honestly fucked up and i luv it!
on an air nz flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. this is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

"there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft."

as the plane landed and was coming to a stop at auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

after a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in adelaide, a flight attendant on a qantas flight announced, "please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as f*** everything has shifted."

"in the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. if you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. if you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

after a real crusher of a landing in sydney, the flight attendant came on with, "ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until capt. crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. and, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

a plane was taking off from mascot airport. after it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. welcome to flight number xyz, non-stop from sydney to auckland. the weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have smooth and uneventful flight. now sit back and relax - SHIT! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "ladies and gentlemen, i am so sorry if i scared you earlier, but, while i was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. you should see the front of my pants!" a passenger in economy said, "that's nothing. he should see the back of mine!"

Sunday, August 07, 2005

silly bridget!

the local telly showed bridget jones's diary again. i hadn't seen the first one in yrs and it cracked me up. that shit is just WAY too straight out of my fucken life.

not just the way bridget fucks everything up, the way she's desperate abt being single (mind you, i honestly don't day dream abt wedding bells! *shudders*) or the way her age crisis seems only too familiar. but the men.

bridget's men cracked me up the most. i can honestly say that i have dated both of them recently. exact fucken copies. so exact in fact, that if i'd start listing all the similarities, i'd be giving away way too much info abt these wonderful fuckwits of mine. scary shit.

ok. i've gone from sex and the city to bridget jones's diary. what next? supersize me? texas chainsaw massacre? deep throat?

owwie. loud voice. very pain.

jugs after jugs of daiquiris. do i need to say more?

heh. i just woke up to a funny as fuck text message. made me laugh out loud. and then grin. and grin some more. it was a nice flashback from the past that no doubt distracted my thoughts into a direction they really shouldn't be going. but hey, i'm still grinning. fucked up.


i went to the beauty expo yesterday with a mate's gf. the thingo was trade only and she didn't have anyone to go with. due to my teen genious, i am a fully qualified hairdressed (dun ask, a LONG story). with my diploma i could get in, so i promised to go with her. it was actually pretty good.

i went a bit nuts with the nail polishes, because the colours were just so perty. like candy! i chose mine based on the names tho. heh. the favs were 'souvenir junkie', 'glam queen', 'satin sheets' and of course 'dark secret'.

my toenails are very pretty in 'hot chilis' atm. and yeh, they are hot. very.

it would have been such a good perve for you male bunnies out there. everywhere, there were these fit as fuck chickies walking around, hiding their enormous fake tits and tighs arses in next to nothing, advertising spray on tan. only one hot muscle thingie getting sprayed tho, but that was prolly a good thing cause i nearly walked into a wall because of the distraction. heh.

we tasted a few shots of these natural elixirs that were supposed to boost up your energy levels and then i sat in front of this funny bright light. i dunno which it was (or maybe the muscles?), but i was fucken hyperactive for the rest of the day!


in the evening we desided to rock up at my fav bar in sydney: cohibar at darling harbour. excellent drinkies, fantastic music and the boys behind the bar are very good value. always gets you in a mood for a fantastic night out. well, we did quite a few jugs of daiquiris and they were all just soooo yummy!

after that we went club hopping, and once again i remembered exactly why i will never, ever find anyone when i go out. after dancing a bit, this boy rocks up to have a bit of a chat. the boy was very cute in a lil shy way, of course once again young as fuck, but a good entertainment value conversation-wise. we end up chatting our way through a couple of clubs (i was interested to see the places cause i had never been there before) and he seemed alright in a mate sorta way, but definitely not my type.

then his sidekick shows up. this dickhead asks straight away if i wanted to be the meat in their sandwich. right. i piss myself laughing and decide to call it a night. i was nice and wished them good luck in further meat hunting that night and walked home.

Friday, August 05, 2005

paranoid android

weird. i've just been labeled as a 'close personal contact'. listed on an official form too, to make it even more freaky.

if you've been exposed to my rants for longer, you might have already noticed that labels make me uncomfy. the only labels i feel comfortable using when referring to myself are 'scandinavian meat', 'pathetic wanna-be-artist' and 'an old cunt'. maybe i should make the latter 'a paranoid old cunt' from now on.

labels are interesting yet difficult. i often ponder what labels to attach to the people around me, but not too often do i find out abt ones attached to me by other people. i guess it's things that you don't normally hear, unless you ask. and no one wants to ask.

today, i was labeled by someone who i did count as a 'close personal contact' some time ago. but this was quite a while ago already, and after that i guess i expected him to feel more comfortable under the label 'friend'. i guess i just didn't really expect my name to be listed in his 'close personal contacts'. if that makes any sense.

not sure if it really means anything in the end, but there is just that healthy dose of common sense (read: schizophrenic paranoia) making me curious every time i have to add my details to an official document of some form.

ok, ok, OK. if i'm honest, it made me smile. it was a pleasant suprise that made me feel just that lil bit special. a lil reminder that i was still someone's 'close personal contact', even tho in my everyday life i'm 'a sad old celibate fuck'. heh.

sweet of you luv, and i promise you that if i ever get a chance, i'll get you into trouble in return. heh. just remember: if some 'good looking officer' approaches me on the street to ask me abt your character, i'll tell him that you're fucked up. fully fucked up. just the way i like 'em.

a mini pilgrimage that found it's way to me

ooh, i have got to tell you this bunnies: i just found out that i did something very cool yesterday. without even realising it!

i was working with the photographer yesterday. i was helping with the photo shoots as well as edited all the images he took. well, in the morning we were photographing vintage clothing. one of the outfits was the ugliest thing i've ever seen: a rainbow coloured catsuit in size XXXL with supa-flared 70's trunks.

well, what makes it so cool, is that today i found out why that hideous thing ended up to a high end auction house: jennifer saunders wore the suit as edina monsoon in the cult series absolutely fabulous!

being a hardcore abfab fan, it was like a mini pilgrimage that walked to me. heh.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

a happy lil chicky

today, it happened again. for the first time in a while.

i was walking home from work, and it suddenly hit me: that stupid grin with the euphoric rush of feeling good. that sudden 'i am happy' feeling, not triggered by anything external. that ever so satisfying realisation of the happiness in the present moment. right here. right now. i am happy.

no. there no boy behind this. i'm not high or drunk. i did not win the lottery. nothing like that. everything is just really very good. everything is working out. uni, work, social life. everything. (okok, still dun like the idea of being celibate, but hey, it wouldn't be the first or the last time. besides, sexual frustration does wonders for creativity.)

i am content. i don't need anything that i wouldn't already have. anything else that comes along, is a bonus, not necessary.

en tee mitään
laitan luurini kiinni
en kaipaa rakkaitani
enkä toivo että joku minua kaipaisi

mulla on vain yksi huone
se ei ole kovin suuri
syön silloin kun tulee nälkä
yleensä aina samaa
ja juhlin liikaa jos mua huvittaa

pitkään se vei
vihdoin voin sanoa
ei ei
ilman ehkä jään
niitä jotka taakse jää

olen onnellinen
olen onnellinen
olen onnellinen
onnellinen nainen

scandinavian music group - onnellinen nainen

so very tired

do you know those mornings when you are just incredibly tired? mornings when you just want to tell the whole world to go to hell? you'd think that the world could survive one day by itself while you were sleeping.

you have no idea, how beautiful, soft, warm and inviting my open bed looks right now. i think it must be the prettiest thing i've seen all week.

however, today, i'm not lucky. i am forced to skull down my coffee, hit the shower and drag my sorry lil old arse to work.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

emily rok

i couldn't help it. i just love those kitties.

there i was, wasting yet another few hr uni break skank spotting at penrith plaza. even the good company wasn't enough to distract me from a lil shopping. but it's small. small things don't count. right? you only have to count the big bags...?

isn't my new wallet perty? can't fit shit in it tho and i do feel a bit bad abt abandoning my 'it's bambi abt to die in a raging bushfire' wallet.

but you should have seen the baby blue hello kitty bag that my mate bought. he needed a new man bag. that bag was SO utterly manly, that i reckon he'll have to rock out with his cock out to reveal his sex from now on...

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

this, my dear bunnies, calls for an experiment!

still remember my rant abt online dating services? heh.

of course i could't just let it be. there i go, creating a profile and shit. as we all know, curiosity killed the cat. see, the one thing that i could not get past was: if i'm there - for one reason or another - isn't it quite possible that there's some other similar curious fuck online as well?

well, last night, against every rule i have (xcept 'say no to american meat' and 'you don't screw the crew' rules which have gone down the drain ages ago) i end up meeting someone from this bloody dating service. and of course, to make matter's worse and break one more rule, this bloke's also swedish(*).

it was not exactly planned. see, i was bored in the city. and boredom is the seed of all evil. and i just happened to have the phone number of this funny bloke on my phone. and there we are, suddenly sitting and chatting over a coffee.

was quite nice actually. this bunny was no sam simple, i can tell you that. he was young, attractive, funny and intelligent. and he smelled nice too. heh.

(* = sweden to finland is what new zealand is to australia)

Monday, August 01, 2005

plan for my grad show work:

milking the cow is a double wall size video projection with sound.

a video work featuring a pornographic loop of a fellatio scene, accompanied with the sound of a cow being milked into a metal bucket in sync with the movement of the image.

both projected images consist of the same video loop, but screen printed frame-by-frame in different colour schemes. the loops will be synced into opposing rhythms, so that when the movement in the first one goes up, the movement in the second goes down. the aim is to create a continuous balanced movement that creates a visual link to the sound, even though the imagery itself contradicts the sound.

original stills from deep throat

sketches of how the images will look like screen printed.
the loop itself is extracted from a 1972 classic pornographic film deep throat, and it features linda lovelace performing the title fellatio scene.