dumb bint
you know what, bunnies? i think i've been bullshitting myself.
you know the way you think you want something, when in real life you want something else? well, i thought i was too smart for that shit. i thought i knew myself too well. bullshit. i'm just as much of a dumb bint as the average jill falling for the good ole "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" trick.
not long ago i wrote a rant abt labeling ppl from one night shags to partners. while writing that i remember thinking that it would be so cool if someone had the balls to ask me out on a date straight away. see, normally i only get into these weird situations where a good friendship is suddenly turned into a relationship.
well, someone did ask me out. everything was perfect. everything was just the way i always wanted it to be. i was treated the way that i always hoped my fuckwits would treat me. i heard all the nice things that i had longed to hear before. but in reality, it freaked the shit out of me. suddenly i found my hand hovering above the bright red eject button even tho there was absolutely no reason to.
it made me realise how important it is for me to get to know someone free from responsibility and expectations. it made me realise how the aloofness of the other keeps the door open, allowing me my own comfort zone. i can't handle closed doors.
now, taking half a step back, opening all doors possible, i want to see who it is that has stirred me. once the doors are open i think i can sit down, move my hand further away from the panic button and get to know him instead of bolting out.
you know the way you think you want something, when in real life you want something else? well, i thought i was too smart for that shit. i thought i knew myself too well. bullshit. i'm just as much of a dumb bint as the average jill falling for the good ole "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" trick.
not long ago i wrote a rant abt labeling ppl from one night shags to partners. while writing that i remember thinking that it would be so cool if someone had the balls to ask me out on a date straight away. see, normally i only get into these weird situations where a good friendship is suddenly turned into a relationship.
well, someone did ask me out. everything was perfect. everything was just the way i always wanted it to be. i was treated the way that i always hoped my fuckwits would treat me. i heard all the nice things that i had longed to hear before. but in reality, it freaked the shit out of me. suddenly i found my hand hovering above the bright red eject button even tho there was absolutely no reason to.
it made me realise how important it is for me to get to know someone free from responsibility and expectations. it made me realise how the aloofness of the other keeps the door open, allowing me my own comfort zone. i can't handle closed doors.
now, taking half a step back, opening all doors possible, i want to see who it is that has stirred me. once the doors are open i think i can sit down, move my hand further away from the panic button and get to know him instead of bolting out.
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