Tuesday, February 26, 2008

An explanation?

...maybe my heart knew it was broken before I did?

Monday, February 25, 2008


Tired as all hell.

Slept really badly due to dumb cunts making a racket on my street and ended up having some fucked up hybrid nightmares.

The worst nightmares are the ones you actually physically feel instead of just dreaming it. Its bizarre how your body can memorise an event and then call upon it in the middle of a nightmare.

I swear my body replayed the insanely bizarre CT scan hot flush perfectly. Only, it wasn't in a hospital environment, but a totally different scene, which made it all even more fucked up. The sensation was so strong it woke me up.

The fact that Monday is bottle collection day doesn't help either. At 5:30am it begins and goes on for eternity. I can tell you that the endless sound of breaking glass is not a pleasant beginning for a week.


A clear case of Monday-itis if I've ever seen one.


On a slightly more positive note, I feel sore from yesterday's workout.

It must be a specific sort of masochism, but I just love the feeling of having sore muscles the day after a good workout.

Not so much sore legs, cause its kinda uncomfortable to walk around in heels with stiff legs, but sore core and upper back muscles make me feel like I've done something good for myself.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Oh so much better

I'm such an endorphin junkie. No matter how shit I feel beforehand, a good run or a workout at the gym fixes me every time.

Today I did a 5k run along the water on my way to the gym, and then spent about an hour doing weight training followed by a good stretching session.

I really quite enjoy the Body Program mode in my F55. I always keep forgetting movements and I hate dragging a piece of paper with me. The fact that the program is inbuilt to my heart rate monitor makes is so convenient to use and I love the fact that I can edit the program repetition and weight –wise as I go. And next time my lovely little red personal trainer remembers the added weights and I don't have to try to keep up on whether it was 10kg or 12.5kg bar that I used.

Love it.


I hate grocery shopping. It's expensive as all hell, you need to deal with a shop loaded full of cunts AND you always forget that one thing.

Lucky I'm the queen of whipping delicious meals out of an empty fridge.

Today's wonder concoction was a delicious couscous thingie with veggies, boiled egg and tuna. So very yummy.

Oh, and shitloads of raw garlic. I'm determined to destroy this bloody cold. I tried killing the germs by marinating myself in alcohol. Plan B is garlic breath galore.

Poor Deviant. Lucky he's fishing.

HIM does Sydney again!

I've prolly raved on about this ages ago, but I absolutely adore HIM. For those who are not familiar with the band, HIM's an awesome Finnish rock band fronted by the oh so edible Ville Valo.

They did a gig in Sydney in early 2006 right when I had first met Deviant, but the tickets had been sold out before I was cashed up enough to get my hands on them. Man did being a povo art student suck!

Despite the cheesy goth lyrics and a tad too poppy flavour, Razorblade Romance still does it for me. I can't help but love it.

However, their latest album is fucken fantastic. Much darker, less tacky and oh so much better! Ballsy guitars, dark vocals and so very rock. Love it! In fact its one of my favourite albums at the moment.

I can't even begin to describe the joygasm of finding out they're doing a gig in Syd next month! I got tickets for Deviant, Daddy-oh and myself and I can't wait!

HIM - Bleed Well

Too much drama

Grah. This week has been such a waste of time. 

Monday I had the bloody chest pain so I couldn't go to the gym even tho I really wanted to.

Tuesday was spent at the emergency as a surrogate voodoo doll pin cushion. 

Wednesday was recovering from Tuesday's horrors. [insert here shudders]

Thursday went by catching up with a friend as well as catching a fucken flu. 

Friday I was off me titties due to office drinkies.

Saturday I was hung over as all hell.

...now its Sunday and I feel like outside work I haven't achieved anything all week.

I've started the day with repentance exercises such as tidying up the place, making the bed, doing laundry and baking bread. Next on the list is gym. A good ole endorphin rush should do the trick.

The Dude abides

Mutts goes Big Lebowski. Awesomeness.

The only shame is that - for obvious reasons - they steered way clear of the juicier quotes like 'This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!'

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Please return

Excuse me, but have you seen my brain?

It's about yay big [insert here descriptive hand movements], sorta gray-ish, and despite the age in pristine condition (well preserved due to lack of use).

Last seen in the vicinity of my senses, which coincidentally went missing around the same time... which may have been somewhere between the fifth and sixth drinks, but the poor thing may have tried to keep up as far as the tenth. However, it is quite clear neither were no longer present by the time I filled the first dozen.

Needed back as soon as possible, as my communicational skills have been reduced to that of a pink block of play-doh. Apart from the occasional bursts of Norwegian that is.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Keming: A new typography term

keming. (kěm'-ĭng).
n. The result of improper kerning.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What a drama I was having!

Right. Yesterday was one of those days. Actually, prolly the worst of those days. Ever.

It started with innocent chest pain on Monday. At first I thought it was heartburn but ruled that out as Zantac did fuck all.

The steady series of knives remained on Tuesday so I thought I'd discuss it with Deviant. He decided to consult his doctor about the symptoms and promised to call me back.

Well, two minutes later Deviant calls back saying 'Pack your stuff, I'll pick you up and take you straight to the emergency'. Fucking great.

On arrival to the emergency, instead of the usual several hours of waiting, Nurse Sour has me strapped to an ECG sooner than I could spell 'chest pains'.

Enter Male Nurse Evil - a funny young dyslexic guy with a very strong Irish accent and sadistic tendencies. Things start turning from bad to worse when the nurse announces that he'll have to do a blood test.

Bunnies, at this point I feel I should share with you the fact that I'm needle phobic. And by that I don't mean that I find vaccinations and blood-works unpleasant and don't like to get them done. By needle phobic I mean that I was the kid who bit the doctor and had several nurses and a very pissed off mother chasing me down the hospital corridors for every shot... and not much has changed since.

Male Nurse Evil returns with the dreadful blood-works kit and I announce on spot that I'm severely needle phobic. He kindly reassures me with the words 'oh don't you worry... I've read the book so I should know how to do this.' Fantastic. How come I always score the sadistic hospital comedians?

Deviant is sitting on a chair next to my bed and I try to relax and focus on him. I concentrate on my breathing and try to calm myself down.

I'm in a party, there's groovy tunes in the background. Having a great time. All my mates are there and someone hands me a drink... no?

I open my eyes and stare straight into Deviant's face and he looks like he's about to shit himself. He's holding my head in his arms and I remember that we're at the hospital. I still have no fucken idea what has happened so I ask. Then I hear Male Nurse Evil chuckling in the background and respond 'Guess...' I remember the blood test and realise that I must have once again fainted. 'Fuck'

Deviant keeps staring at me like he's seen a ghost and later on tells me that I had fainted full on Exorcist style - gone all yellow, eyes rolling back in my head accompanied by muscle spasms and twitches. Great.

And this was only the beginning.

I had a free ride all through the torture chamber and collected enough material for a lifetime of hospital related nightmares.

I can safely say that having a cannula put it and getting hooked into 'the injector' [insert here shudders] in order to have a CT scan done (to rule out blood clots in my lungs) was the most traumatising event of my fucken life so far. I am aware of how piss weak that sounds, but my needle phobia really is THAT bad.

My heart is peachy, my lungs clot free, blood pressure too low if anything - in short: I'm healthy as a fucken horse, just happen to have a freak chest pain.

The doctor felt sorry for me in the end and told me that I 'must have had a very traumatising night. In our books you're healthy as can be. Go home and have a glass of wine. Looks like you could use it.'

Gee, thanks. Now what do I do with these track marks? I'd pass for a professional junkie.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Finnish pronounciation and The Unknown Soldier

Awww... sometimes they're just so very cute.

I bought Deviant a translated copy of Väinö Linna's 'The Unknown Soldier' on my last trip back home. He's reading it now and while he really seems to enjoy the book, he is struggling with the names a bit.

Last night he began asking me how to pronounce the names.

We went through what he had read page by page, and I taught him how to pronounce the different 'weird Finnish names'. 'Rokka' and 'Koskela' are his favourite characters, because they're the easiest ones for him to pronounce. Heh.

Because of his NZ background and knowing a bit of Maori, he knows how to roll his 'r's properly and every r-letter is pronounced with such vigour, he's got a definite Tampere accent coming through. Hilarious!

I taught him how to pronounce Finnish vovels: the difference between 'a' - 'ä', 'o' - 'ö' 'e' - 'i' and the most challenging one: 'u' - 'y' - and I even taught him how to try to break the words into syllables so that they're easier to read.

And I have to say, he did incredibly well! At the end of it he was able to read whole new long names on his own and get them right on the first go. I was very impressed.

I went to bed and he continued reading on the balcony. It was so difficult not to crack up when I heard his mumble from outside. 'RRROKKA!' 'Hei...He... Hi? Hie- Hie-tanen Hietanen' 'O... Hon-ka-jo-ki Honkajoki' 'RRROKKA!' 'KOSKELA' 'Van-ha-la Vanhala' 'RRROKKA!'

As the next step he asked me to start labeling things around the house so he can learn a few everyday words.

So very cute. He cracks me up

Monday, February 18, 2008

The pain of inspiration

Oh gawd. That time is starting again. The frustration of the moment before the beginning of the creative process is stepping aside and the pain of inspiration is kicking in.

It started last night. I went to bed normally, but instead of falling asleep instantly as I usually do, I was lying wide awake staring at the ceiling coming up with ideas.

As always, it started with a title. And after that it just escalated. I came up with the idea for the whole video, how to film it, edit it, the lot, all while I was supposed to be sleeping.

It got so bad I had to get up just to write it all down so I wouldn't forget it. Now I can't shake it out of my mind.

The creative process has started and I can't wait to begin the actual production.

No porn this time tho bunnies... this video will be an honest confession without the aid of pornographic material.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Mac OS X compatible software needed for Polar products!

In fact, I thought I might shout this out a bit louder, just in case someone happens to be listening:

Polar is producing excellent heart rate monitors with only one flaw: the lack of Mac OS X compatible versions of up-link and web-link programs!

Shame on you Polar! Shame on you for not keeping up with the times. PCs are the ugly and clunky dinosaurs of the past and Macs are the way forward.

Bring out OS X versions of the up-link and web-link software and redeem yourself!

Gadget-holics Anonymous

Hello everyone, my name is T.P. and I'm a gadget-holic.

I really can't help it. It must be the inner geek in me, but I just find gadgets totally irresistible. Especially when I can justify that this particular gadget is good for me somehow.

Exercise aid gadgets would be the category I enjoy most. I've got a lovely little new iPod Nano with a Nike+ running system on it, and it makes my morning runs oh so much better.

The Nike+ running system is great, but its not accurate by any means. It's all based on averages and estimates. Great for running, but offers you absolutely nothing in the gym as soon as you step off the treadmill.

My all time favourite gadget would have to be a Polar heart rate monitor. I had a Polar M21 for years and years and it was my trustworthy training partner on every exercise I embarked on.

If I remember correctly it was one of the first - if not the first - Polar models made specifically for weight management and when I first bought it, it did make a major impact on my workout routine and the results really showed. I absolutely luveded it.

Unfortunately my baby broke early last year... I thought it had ran out of batteries, but a new set of batteries would not bring it back. Exercising just hasn't been the same since.

Yesterday, I finally replaced my baby with a perty bright red Polar F55 model.

I didn't see any reason for sticking with a weight management model, since it's not losing kilos I'm after, but improving my level of fitness. F55 is the best one out of the fitness models Polar offers, and therefore contains more goodies than the other models in the series. Much more sophisticated than my old simple M21, it'll take a while for me to learn all the features.

A fantastic aid in weight training, this baby stores a customisable workout program that even comes with a starting recommendation of repetitions and weights based on my gender, age, weight and height. How awesome is that?

I took it for a test run at the gym last night and I love it! On top of the body program, it's got everything that a fitness fanatic might wish for. I can strongly recommend this to any lil fitness bunny out there.

In fact the only thing I see worthy of bitching about is that its not Mac OS X compatible. Shame on you Polar! Shame on you for not keeping up with the times. Bring out OS X versions of the up-link and web-link software and redeem yourself!

Apart from the lack of compatible software I am very impressed with my new training buddy, and I dare say it will be much more cost effective than hiring a personal trainer. Besides, its red. All things red are good. Oh, and also, Polar is a Finnish company. That's always a bonus.

I do love my gadgets.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Ultimate Come-Fuck-Me Boots[tm]

It was meant to be bunnies!

I saw the PERFECT pair of boots last year, but they didn't have my size left... in any of the stores country wide! I cried over them for two months. And I cried blood. For I have tried to find The Ultimate Come-Fuck-Me Boots[tm] for years.

Today, we were doing our weekly shopping with Deviant when I accidentally strayed into a Wittner store. And there they were! The same wonder boots that had been out of my reach a year ago were now screaming for me to own them!

They had only one pair in my size left, and that pair now securely rests in a beautiful shoebox in my collections.

Bunnies, these boots are PERFECT. Black leather, totally seamless apart from the sexy zipper running up the back of the calf. The sexiest sky high thin stiletto heel and the perfect rounded toe. Flawless!

I was just going to get them on lay by and fetch them next month, but Deviant wouldn't let me walk out of the store without them.

So very hot. So very perfect. So very mine-mine-MINE! Muahahahahahaha!

Damage control = success

How to get out of the dog box after fucking up Valentine's Day?

• A good start is cleaning up the entire house before the mistreated party gets home from work.

• Flowers on the table - even if they are obviously stolen from nearby - add a nice touch.

• A dinner out fully dolled up in a glorified romantic restaurant (read: v. expensive) containing an oyster entree, incredibly delicious meal, nice wine and yummy dessert drinkies.

• The best night in the sack post dinner.

• Taking the post-coitally glowing missy shopping the following day.
Deviant can be such a male sometimes, but he does do very well when he puts his mind to it. Damage control successfully completed and all is well again in the world of shoeboxes.

Friday, February 15, 2008

The angst of circled dates

You know those innocent circles you draw around special dates in your calendar? It could be a birthday, party, anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day or any other date that is somehow different from the everyday.

A little red circle to separate it from the other common days surrounding them. A little red circle to highlight them. A little red circle that makes them special. And a little red damaging circle to jinx them.

Fucken foolproof I tell you.

No matter how low the expectations - more as a rule than the exception - those days are a disappointment.


I always thought the inner workings of a positive surprise was supposed to be simple: 50% effort + 50% money = positive outcome

Naturally, if the finances are running low, the lack of dollars can be quite easily counterbalanced with added effort and the outcome will still be at least as good, if not even better for those hopeless romantics out there. And vice versa, if time is limited, it can be covered with the wow-factor of extra cash parted with. Simple so far, right?

Then of course there's the impact of the context, in this case expectations.

If we agree that on an everyday there's no expectations on encountering excess pampering, the level required for a positive outcome is therefore very low. In fact, even the smallest gestures are appreciated since none was required.

Then again on a circled day, there is a certain level of basic expectations. Anything below this level is a disappointment, where as anything exceeding this level is of course a raving success accompanied with a stupendous grin for the following few days.

In the case of a disappointment on a circled day, the level rises exponentially in order to be able to undo the damage done.

Which leads to figures: Everyday = 10% | Circled day = 100% | Damage control = 200%+

Everyday: 10% input = 100% results
On everyday the smallest efforts count, so even a spontaneous delicious takeaway coffee can equal a blowjob.

Circled day: 100% input = 100% results
On a circle day a romantic dinner out, a pair of gorgeous heels or a sexy lingerie kit is certain to introduce the wonders of fellatio.

Damage control: 200%+ input = 50% results
But on a damage control day it will take at least a glorified (read: more expensive) version of one of the aforementioned plus an added effort of doing all the housework for the foreseeable future. And instead of a bj, it will likely only result to a truce.

What's the lesson? Do enough and do it on time! You'll save money, don't have to deal with the infamous female wrath AND receive blowjobs! Economical, ease of mind and no sexual frustration. Makes sense, right?

So why, WHY does the male brain find it so very difficult to wrap itself around something so simple?

Thursday, February 14, 2008


Cut Copy 'In Ghost Colours' preview gig

We were supposed to go and see The Golden Compass at Moonlight Cinema last night, but I wasn't too keen since its been pissing down non-stop again. While I'm really looking forward to seeing the movie, fuck freezing outdoors sitting in the rain!

Luckily work came to rescue. I got invited to go and see Cut Copy doing a preview gig to promote their new album In Ghost Colours. Very cool indeed.

Apart from queuing in, everything was great. It was an intimate lil venue, with all the cool cats from advertising, journalism and record company front present - all stacked at the bar of course.

It was quite funny actually: everyone looked the same. Apart from the obvious kiddies who had won entry through a competition of some sort, everyone present had that hard boiled professional alcoholic look about them. Too cool for school and not quite drunk enough yet to enjoy the company.

We just stayed upstairs on the balcony observing people and once the gig began, we had the best spots in house.

Booze was plenty, I got to wear heels and stay dry indoors, music was great, and the performance itself very inspiring. Couldn't have been better really.

Got a lot of visual ideas for work purposes and now I can't wait for the album to come out.

Cut Copy - Lights and Music

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Back on the horse - in more ways than one

Such a good girl I am. I *finally* dragged my arse back to the gym last night.

It's been way too long since I stopped going and it felt so good being back. Mind you, I could have thought about my approach just a lil bit further. Just like getting back to running by rushing on a quarter of a marathon, I decided to give the cycle classes a go.

There was a few points in the program where my heart rate got so high that I nearly hurled. BUT I did survive the class, even if I had to take it a bit easier at some stages. Felt fantastic as soon as I got home tho.


On another front, looks like my sneaky artist friend has finally found a way to force me back into creating work. He's been giving me these insane lectures every time I see him - telling me that I have got to keep doing stuff and get back to my art practice.

I've been able to escape it so far, but now he emailed me informing that he's reserved a screen for me in a 13 screen exhibition he's curating. How could I say no to that?

Well, I'm actually super excited about this and have some new ideas racing in the back of my head already.

I think this will be good.

Will keep you posted bunnies.


And last but not least, here's a few piccies from Miss Pearl's wedding. Don't have a good shot of the happy couple yet, but will surely post one as soon as I get my hands on one.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Mondays are a crime

I had an absolutely fantastic weekend... which of course leads to a Monday morning that feels like death reheated.

Miss Pearl got married to her Hero in Forster on Saturday. The ceremony was beautiful, the bride absolutely stunning and the booze aplenty - in other words all was good. Apart from the way too much traveling and not enough sleep that is.

On the way back to Sydney, we stopped at Seal Rocks for a swim. The place was gorgeous and I fell in love with it straight away! Now we are planning to head there for a weekend soon for fishing and tit grilling purposes. The spot is perfect: the cabins are right next to a gorgeous beach - which will of course entertain us chickies - and the men only have a short walk to the fishing spots.

While we were exploring the area, we found this gorgeous empty beach nearby. There was no one there, it was endless and the weather was absolutely perfect - so it was practically forcing us to do a nudie walk along it. Which was hilarious.

While it was the first time I have walked a beach in my birth suit, the whole nudity thing is no biggie for a Scandi - you know, due to sauna and shit. But for Deviant it was a first time and a whole new experience. Heh. He was just walking along with this huge grin on his face and kept repeating how liberating it felt. So very adorable!

...I'm just waiting for him to wake up now and start whinging about having sunburns where one most definitely should not have any.

Friday, February 08, 2008


Why is it that sometimes communication just seems so very difficult?

I feel like I've been given red and green light bulbs to communicate an intricate message to a paranoid and volatile colour blind audience.

The message in my head has nothing to do with the jargon that somehow escapes my mouth when I open it. The jargon has nothing to do with the garble the other person hears. And to make matters worse, the heard garble is translated into the worst possible scenarios in the brain of the receiver.


Worst case scenario

Worst case scenario
Aggravated Jargon
Hostile Garble

Naturally the distortion pattern accelerates exponentially as the number of communication attempts increases.

I'm gonna sing the doom song now.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

The difference between men and women

An anonymous comment made me think about the difference between men and women when it comes to shoes. While I'm a total shoe fanatic, I don't think I'd feel comfortable with a man who had a collection to match mine.

In my little world men are only allowed the luxury of shoe fetishism one way: drooling at high heels on female feet. You Tarzan - me Jane. Full fucken stop*.

None of this metro shit for me, thank you very much.

I reckon men need healthy blokey addictions like fishing gear, beer or porn... and of course shit hot sky high stilettos on female feet. Especially now that its been proven beneficial.

(* Of course, gay men are a delightful exception to the rule and make the best shopping company.)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Inspiring right now...

The Presets - My People

Cut Copy - Lights & Music

Today I feel like a lazy old cunt

I'm the worst slacker out there.

I haven't been running in the mornings, which I suppose is sorta understandable considering that torrential downpours have been more of a rule than an exception for the last couple of weeks.

While the running may well be tied to the weather, that doesn't give me a reason to skip the gym tho. It shits me to no end, that I'm paying for a gym membership and not using it. How stupid is that?

I signed up for a membership with Deviant quite a few months ago, but haven't really used it that much lately. When he fucked his back up and had to stop going to the gym, I stopped going as well. So slack.

Now I've even got brand new runners and gear, and I'm still not going. The problem is that I could really use the extra energy provided by an active exercise routine.

I think I'm going to make it my mission to attend a class either tomorrow or Friday morning. Need to check out the timetable.

I hate wasting money I could be buying shoes with.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Shopping list

You know what bunnies? I'm starting to think that when ever I buy shoes, I should buy at least two pairs of the same!

Every time I find a pair I *really* like - you know those shit hot every day shoes you find every now and then - I wear them out in less than a year and never find a replacement pair.

My gorgeous black rmk stiletto pumps are a perfect example. They go with everything, look shit hot and are even remotely comfortable to wear. I've been fearing that the left heel is about to give in and today I felt it start wobbling while walking. My favourite pair is on its way out the door.

[Insert here immense sorrow and sobbing]

To my surprise and joy, I found rmk still advertised the shoes on their website, so I might have a slight chance of getting a replacement pair after all.

If I'm able to find a store that still stocks these beauties, I'm ordering a pair in each colour and the black ones in double!

I also really liked the look of these shoes and think I'll have to add a pair (or two?) of them on the shopping list too...

I just KNEW there was a justification for all the pain!

Great news bunnies! Look what I just stumbled into during my morning blog roll:


STILETTOS can be good for a woman's sex life, says a study which claims wearing them ``directly works the pleasure muscles linked to orgasm''.

Experts found the high heels toned women’s legs and strengthened pelvic muscles.

In tests, Dr Maria Cerruto, of the University of Verona, Italy, discovered that wearing a pair of ‘‘moderately high heeled shoes’’ had beneficial effects for a woman’s sex life.

‘‘Heels work the pelvic muscles and reduce the need to exercise them.

‘‘Wearing heels during daily activity may reduce the need for the pelvic floor exercises necessary to keep that part of a woman’s anatomy toned and elastic,’’ Cerruto said.

She asked 66 women under 50 about their sex lives, exercise regime and shoes.

In tests, their pelvic muscles were more relaxed in higher heels, increasing their strength and ability to contract.

‘‘Women often have difficulty in carrying out the right exercises for the pelvic zone and wearing heels could prove to be the solution,’’ Cerruto said.

Manolo Blahnik, whose shoes are worn by Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw, said: ‘‘This is wonderful news. I’ve been hounded for years about how bad it is for posture, but . . . when you put on a high heel it makes life more exciting. For women, it’s a way to appeal to the male species.

‘‘There’s a limit. Anything over 11.5cm, you can’t walk properly; it’s no longer elegant.’


Monday, February 04, 2008

Weird weekend

Its been a weird weekend and unfortunately not such a recharging one.

Apart from Miss Pearl's hennies, we spent the majority of the weekend on an attempt to get through a whole season of a certain TV-series.

I need to come up with a concept for a campaign for the series, and since I don't have a telly - and refuse to get one - work bought me the DVD box set to go through before Monday morning.

I thought it wouldn't really be any different from watching a movie or two over the w/e, but to be perfectly honest, I feel like I haven't had any time off at all.

Even tho the series is not too painful - once you get past the atrocious acting - and the storyline is actually quite interesting, my brain is still in work mode while watching it. Instead of relaxing and clearing my head, I've been thinking about concepts and copy and visuals for the entire weekend.

Now I feel like I'm over Monday already, and I haven't even reached the office yet!

Not good.


On a brighter note, here's a couple of shots from Miss Pearl's hennies:

Saturday, February 02, 2008

I see bubbly coctails and giggly chicks

Tonight is Miss Pearl's hens night. The invitation mentions cheese and bickies on her balcony, followed by dinner, cocktails and dancing.

Cheese and bickies? Excuse me?

I mean, this is Miss Pearl we're talking about. What the fuck happened to donkey shows? Or at least pointing and laughing at cheap and dodgy strippers?

Bunnies, if my sanity ever fails me for long enough to end up in a situation where I'd be planning to tie the knot with some poor bastard, I'd be fucken expecting at least a hobo death match, doing lines off a donkey's stomach (strippers are so last year), a threesome with Diggnation and waking up on another continent with no recollection of leaving the country in the first place.

Fuck cheese and bickies.

Well, at least the dress code is 'frock, high heels and big hair' which provides me with the perfect opportunity to take my new heels out for the first time...