Friday, February 15, 2008

The angst of circled dates

You know those innocent circles you draw around special dates in your calendar? It could be a birthday, party, anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day or any other date that is somehow different from the everyday.

A little red circle to separate it from the other common days surrounding them. A little red circle to highlight them. A little red circle that makes them special. And a little red damaging circle to jinx them.

Fucken foolproof I tell you.

No matter how low the expectations - more as a rule than the exception - those days are a disappointment.


I always thought the inner workings of a positive surprise was supposed to be simple: 50% effort + 50% money = positive outcome

Naturally, if the finances are running low, the lack of dollars can be quite easily counterbalanced with added effort and the outcome will still be at least as good, if not even better for those hopeless romantics out there. And vice versa, if time is limited, it can be covered with the wow-factor of extra cash parted with. Simple so far, right?

Then of course there's the impact of the context, in this case expectations.

If we agree that on an everyday there's no expectations on encountering excess pampering, the level required for a positive outcome is therefore very low. In fact, even the smallest gestures are appreciated since none was required.

Then again on a circled day, there is a certain level of basic expectations. Anything below this level is a disappointment, where as anything exceeding this level is of course a raving success accompanied with a stupendous grin for the following few days.

In the case of a disappointment on a circled day, the level rises exponentially in order to be able to undo the damage done.

Which leads to figures: Everyday = 10% | Circled day = 100% | Damage control = 200%+

Everyday: 10% input = 100% results
On everyday the smallest efforts count, so even a spontaneous delicious takeaway coffee can equal a blowjob.

Circled day: 100% input = 100% results
On a circle day a romantic dinner out, a pair of gorgeous heels or a sexy lingerie kit is certain to introduce the wonders of fellatio.

Damage control: 200%+ input = 50% results
But on a damage control day it will take at least a glorified (read: more expensive) version of one of the aforementioned plus an added effort of doing all the housework for the foreseeable future. And instead of a bj, it will likely only result to a truce.

What's the lesson? Do enough and do it on time! You'll save money, don't have to deal with the infamous female wrath AND receive blowjobs! Economical, ease of mind and no sexual frustration. Makes sense, right?

So why, WHY does the male brain find it so very difficult to wrap itself around something so simple?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...