oh dear...

i have a bad feeling, that after friday and saturday, sunday might be rather painful. i survive that far at all.

i just received a series of sms messages planning out saturday. heh. looks like there is a pre-party with the good ole boys of the boozing society in the very heart of helsinki, followed by a night out in a wanky helsinki night club notorious for all its wanna-be-famous ppl. and knowing these old drunks, there will surely be an after party as well.

i am dragging out at least one shit hot female thingie, miss s with me, and it seems quite likely that there will be another excellent example of finnish beauty miss m joining in with us. the more the merrier. and i can assure you, bunnies, that after a soaking in heavy vodka marinade, these ladies are v. good value!

heh. that reminds me. last july, i was pissing up with miss m and one of her best friends. the plan was just to show up at her friend's place, drink a sophisticated glass of wine and continue to a nice and sophisticated night club, have a drink or two and head home. right.

after gawd knows how many bottles of wine, we're still sitting at the kitchen table, in our underwear, skulling down wine straight out of the bottle and talking abt sex. i consider myself being pretty fucken frank, but hell, these chickies were making even me blush.

eventually we dolled up and headed to the city. the night itself, after we left miss m's friend's place, was a total catastrophy. but i have to admit that looking back the next morning, it all seemed a lot better: i woke up between two half nekkid, absolutely fucken stunning women and a drop dead gorgeous guy. heh. good shit i tell you.

let's see what happens this time, bunnies.

i still think this is funny

i gave a mug like this to someone speshul before i left sydney. i thought it was very appropriate since he is quite the princess...

quoting someone i know: "boring as batshite".

i don't think lapland really has that much to offer beyond reindeer stew and tacky souvenirs. which both are quite excellent as such, but entertainment-wise they wear out pretty fucken quickly.

the weird thing is, that there no people around my age in here at all. the ones that were, are either knocked up - for the third, fourth or seventh time - at home or have moved away ages ago. i dun think this poor excuse of a city has much to offer for anyone.

i'm using this opportunity to soothe my aching and beaten up body to get ready for some serious partying next weekend. i wonder, do they already offer hot swap livers behind the drug store counter?

can't - sit - still

restless as fuck. can't escape the feeling, that i'm missing shit when i'm so far away from home. the fucked up thing is that i'm supposed to be at home right now. but no.

i feel rootless (yehyeh, pun intended) in sydney, cause all my history is somewhere so far away. yet when i come here, where the little history i do have is closer, i realise that my present is not here. right now, in the present moment, my home is sydney.

the present is different. present is always volatile. present is choises, present is active. when i'm away, i'm forced to be passive. i feel like i'm queuing into the ladies room while they're serving the cocktails of my life out in the garden.

then again, i think this is good. it's good that i get some distance and perspective to some of the things that have been troubling my mind lately. big issues are difficult to see clearly if you're standing too close.

when you remove the frame of the everyday bs, you suddenly see what really matters. you can see little things that you were blind to before. and some things that seemed to fill the entire horizon shrink into right proportions. i guess it takes time and i'm sure that i'll be able to see a lot clearer picture a few weeks from now.

right now, all i see is a lack of arms around me at night. and i have a bad feeling that only that certain pair of beautiful arms can produce the safe, warm feeling that i'm missing.

i already know that the clearer that image gets, the more restless it will make me. i dare say i'll be counting the days to get back to sydney, just as manically as i counted the days left to my flight to finland.

[search and destroy: operation liver]

alrighty, looks like my time table for the rest of the week is pretty much set. i'm training back to civilization on thu night so i'll be back in tampere on friday morning.

• friday: tampere rok city
  time to tame tampere for good. few of my good ole fucked up friends are dragging their arses from jyväskylä to tampere and we're planning to enjoy a rather heavily intoxicated night out and behave extremely badly.
  
  i'm not entirely sure who's coming, but one of the guys is one of my best friends who i've known for something like 15 yrs. a married father of two, but still behaves just as badly as he did back when we were still teens. luv em. they're truly fucked up.
  
  
• saturday: helsinki cadenza
  (just in case i survive friday that is) i'm dragging my arse to helsinki, bunking at a dear friend's place and drag her out to tame helsinki in turn.
  
  this particular chicky kicks arse, and usually the arses getting kicked are male. so very entertaining to point and laugh at the poor bastards getting slaughtered. should be fun.
  

so, bunnies in helsinki, i unfortunately missed the blog meeting some time ago, but how abt a piss-up on saturday?

lbts slogan

better late than never...

«you better get inside
life between the shoeboxes»

slogan by sloganizer [via]

labels

blame sauna, the hatchery of useless deep thoughts that i just have to share with you bunnies. here comes:

one-night stand/fuck-buddy/boyfriend/partner/whatever... what do you call that significant (or not so significant) other? is there a universal set of rules that can be applied when trying to solve this problem? who is what and when do people transfer from one box to another?

well, as you prolly guessed already, you're abt to hear my precious theory on this shit.

first of all, i think it's time based:

• one night stand = one shag
  
• fuck buddy = several shags
• date = one or more dates
• boyfriend = several months
• partner = several years

second big give away is how you talk to or abt them:

• one night stand = "nice arse, wanna fuck?"
• fuck buddy = "hey, you're no genious, but you're quite the cunning linguistic..."
• date = "the dinner was fantastic, maybe we'll to do this again some time..."
• boyfriend = "i'm looking forward to falling asleep in your arms at night so that i can wake up next to you in the morning..."
• partner = "oh, we do these trips every year. we've seen more than dozen countries so far, but there is still so many on the list..."

unfortunately i'm too old and boring to do one night stands... not that i'd have anything against them as an idea, i just happen to enjoy the attention, the flirt and the tease more than the potential result of an average fuck. so instead of going to bed with someone i wouldn't want to wake up next to, i skip the rest and just enjoy the tease phase of it.

and as for fuck buddies, i don't really know if i'd want to do them either. to me sex is a physical way of showing my feelings towards another person. to desire a person, i need to like that person a lot. and if i like someone enough to want to have sex with them, i do think that i would want to have all of him, not just his cock. no matter how nice it might be. besides, the best part is the sweet morning cuddle that suddenly turns into an insanely horny morning fuck. that just doesn't happen with one night stands or fuck buddies. tho i have to admit, that i haven't been in a situation where i'd need to make this call for yrs and yrs, so this is all theory based. i'll keep you updated if i change my opinion on this one.

heh. i was concentrating on dating for the whole of last year and that was kinda fucked up. wonderful, but fucked up. but that's a longer story. yes, i do love a quality date with a hottie in a suit. now that i think abt it, i think i've only done one or two *real* dates in my life. like, you know, the usual movie set up where a guy walks up to a chick to ask her out. or asks for a phone number and then calls to ask her out. i dunno, if i come off as scary ballbraker, but atm i can only recall one person, who has had the balls to ask to take me out for dinner so that it wasn't covered in a "how abt a nice night out as mates (that might end up being something different if you don't bite my head off...)?

i did the boyfriend thing for the beginning of this year and it was wonderful as well. and i have to admit that from these five different categories, boyfriend would be the one i enjoy having around most. you know, cuddles and falling asleep in each other's arms, agro quarrel sex, make up sex, that sweet little gesture of him bringing you a coffee in bed in the morning when you least expect him to... the little things. that's what counts in the end. and that's what you miss afterwards.

i would love to meet a boyfriend that would one day turn into a partner, but i'm not too optimistic on this one. i'm way too difficult and picky to expect this to happen. but i guess you never know, do you? maybe there is a fuckwit out there, who can balance me out and make me happy just like i can make him the happiest guy on this planet and then we can just drive each other insane as well as insanely horny and fuck each others brains out for as long as we can still figure out which part goes where.

*sigh* men, oh wonderful, fucked up, men. what would i do without you?

*pa-pow*

that was a quick mid-summer.

due to a sudden death in the family, the rest of our mid-summer festivities got cancelled. it's time to leave eastern finland behind and head to lapland, the land of lap dances. well, actually the land of reindeer, but lap dances just sounded better.

i'm getting a lil bit fed up with this constant traveling from one place to another. first by plane, then by train and now by car. *sigh*

i'll leave the rest of the pissing up to you bunnies, skull a few for me too.

mid-summer rok

say what you will bunnies, but finnish summer is fucken beautiful. tomorrow is mid-summer's day, so it's all bbq, alcohol and and behaving badly. sounds pretty good if you ask me.

i did my 4hrs for 45€ train ride from tampere to lapinlahti today. i made the mistake of enjoying a cider or few in the restaurant car only to find out, that not only was the cider fucken expensive along with the trip itself, but i had to pay 1€(!!) at pieksämäki train station to get into the ladies room to seek relief. for that money i would have expected a gorgeous young lil muscle thing to hold my hand while peeing. bloody hell.

when we arrived to my aunt's place, the first thing she does is mix a punch from pirtu (98% alcohol). heh. i have a feeling that this mid-summer is going to be just fine.

go on bunnies, skull down a beer for me and enjoy the sunshine. cheeppis!

fin: 6 sanaa

koroillaan huojuen, hän kantoi pakattua laukkuaan.

pakko kai tähän sitten oli osallistautua, kun kerran kaikki muutkin. tosin oli pakko tehdä suomeksi, kun lontoon murre vaatii kovasti enemmän sanoja.

ten years worth of sparkling wine

bad influence, those finns. now i'm hungover with headache and shit. not cool, not cool at all.

you know that you're getting old as fuck, when you hear yourself saying that you haven't seen someone for ten years. another alarming sign is when the usual catching up bs requires years instead of just dates: "well, first, in -95... and then, in -98... oh hang on, was it -99...?"

i met up with these two lovely ladies yesterday, that i used to go to school with. both delightfully twisted and funny as fuck. of course the original plan was to go out and have a cider in the sun, but somehow that one glass turned into a few bottles. i have no idea how that happened.

catching up started with men, moved on to sex pretty quickly and stayed there for the rest of the night. suddenly all the posh people who had been enjoying the sun around us, started to dissolve into thin air. not that we were at all that loud, but you know, always a lil bit offensive. besides, we had to get the third one of us free from that bloody apron. she did do a swell job with carrying in more food and drinks tho. or at least that's how my poor head feels atm.

which reminds me:
you bunnies reading this, who i know in real life, should bloody well start reporting in! only too often i start to tell something just to hear the other person finish the story after confessing that they read my blog. trippy shit i tell you.

besides, i would be more than curious to find out what kind of a sick freak do you have to be, to be interested by my mindless rants. or disgusted. whichever brings you here. heh. let me know by dropping a line to lifebetweentheshoeboxes [at] gmail [dot] com. that's a good bunny.

back to sex(ual frustration) and the city

i happened to watch an episode of sex and the city on telly last night. kinda exotic since i haven't been watching telly at all for the past 6 months. like not at all.

i think it was one of the very first episodes (i only saw the end of it) and one of the very first meetings with mr. big. heh.

the funny shit was, that after she got pissy at him, she stormed out of the restaurant and her only worry was to ruin the expensive pair of shoes by having to walk too far. and after waking up in a wrong place she decides to make herself feel better by buying shoes. i find it scary how easy it is to relate to her. shoes, the re-usable prozac of single life.

to quote carrie: "i realised that i've left the boys of my past behind, but i haven't yet met the men of my future". i think i know exactly what she means...

couple of other sex and the city quotes:

miranda: "you haven't had a crush since big."
carrie: "big wasn't a crush. he was a crash."

charlotte: "how can you forget a guy you've slept with?"
carrie: "toto, i don't think we're in single-digits anymore."

carrie: "i'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. it's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it."

--

heh, talking abt shoes... i managed to make a total arse of myself again yesterday. tho it's not my fault that this friggen country is not made for stiletto heels!

i went shopping with mum and on our way home, we stopped over at alko (bottle-o) and bought a bottle of talisker. so far so (very) good.

well, i'm carrying a massive heap of shopping and shit as we were walking out of the shopping complex, and then my fucken heel gets stuck on the rubber carpet! frig. there i was, dragging the bloody 3m by 6m carpet behind me cause i had too much shit to carry to untangle my pretty lil shoe from it. my mum's pissing herself pointing and laughing and not doing a thing to help me. bloody hell.

who designs those stupid rubber things anyway? what kind of a sick idea is it to make the lil holes the exact right size for a stiletto heel to slip in? grh.

yay for finnish laziness!

ok, let me be all patriotic and shit for a lil while longer. just a lil while.

i'm going to eastern finland for mid-summer and thought that it might be an idea to buy tickets beforehand. just in case mid-summer's eve got rather busy on the trains.

i thought that i'd have to drag my arse to the ticket office to buy it, but no. the website of the national railway company is fucken fantastic. i could type in the trip i wish to make straight away on the index page, then it gave me several options to choose from and after i found the one i liked, i could buy (with an option to use more than 5 different methods of paying) and get this: print out the ticket myself after paying! no queuing what so ever. i got my tickets in less than 5 mins with no hassle at all. fucken fantastic.

mind you, the quality of the service means that the prices are fucken ridiculous. 4 hrs on the train, one way costs me abt 45€!

i feel raped.

tales from finland

there are moments in life, when you don't know quite how to take things. and then you point and laugh. long and hard.

i went to sauna with my mum, straight away on sunday. there we are, walking into the finnish official temple of relaxation and serenity in the basement of our house. carrying a towel in one hand and a dry apple cider in the other.

mum rushes into the sauna, while i'm trying to get out of my clothes, that still carry the dust and grime of several different continents, not even mentioning filthy airports. as i turn around to follow her, i face the most weirdest sight i have seen for a long time. mum has just stepped out of the shower and she's pulling on a fur winter hat before stepping into the sauna. fur winter hat. sauna. wtf?

"oh you little brat you, don't you dare laugh. there is a perfectly sane explanation to this. really!" well, i'm already well into pointing and laughing to the point that my tummy hurts and it's difficult to stand still on the slippery shower floor. heh. crazy mum. apparently, she get's a headache from the big heat difference in the sauna, so she wears a winter hat to prevent that. and apparently the winter hat works too.

funny as fuck anyhow. a fur winter hat in a sauna. this time she's really lost her marbles. love her tho. my mum rocks.

correction

grh. bloody information age my arse.

to keep my old mobile number, i would have had to wait for a week without a phone. fuck that. so bunnies, i have a new mobile number, old one doesn't work.

comment or email me if you don't get my 'here's my new mobile number' sms(*).

(*= this is for the people that i know irl or who would for some other reason have my phone number. just in case some poor fucker thinks i'm putting out for everyone. again.)

yay for finnish summer!

mmm... karjalanpiirakkaa. yumyumYUM. say what you will bunnies, but finnish food is fucken delicious!

oh, just in case any of you bunnies (that i actually know in real life) has tried to contact me through my phone, i'm afraid that it's not going to be any good at the moment. as i marched towards the check-in desk at sydney airport, i realised that i lost my finnish sim card along all the other shit that went with my dear hello kitty handbag that was stolen in december. i am going to go and get a new sim card with the same number today, so hopefully i will have my old number operating today.

oh and i finally got my suitcase! it was delivered around 11pm last night. so it's all good.

now it's time for me to finish my morning coffee, slip into my trainers and go for a nice relaxing morning jog in the beautiful finnish forrest and enjoy that gorgeous summer day outside. i love this country.

sauna is where it's at!

man. that trip was hard core. i was so friggen tired that when i finally got to tampere last night, i don't think my head had enough time to hit the pillow before i passed out.

my mum rocks. she picks me up from the airport and as i sit on the backseat of the car, the first thing she does is hand me a bottle of salmiakki vodka. then a block of fazer blue chocolate and to finish it off, a dark rye loaf sandwich with salmon and polar cheese on it. heaven.

airlines piss me off tho. there i am, tired as hell after 38hrs of fucken flying, just waiting to get my suitcase so that i can finally fuck off the airport. then the loud speakers go: "passenger p, passenger p, could you please contact the finnair arrival desk." fuck. my suitcase is still at bloody heathrow. i knew i hated that airport for a reason. grh.

today, all i've done is eat real finnish dark rye loaf with polar cheese, walk in a real finnish forrest, had a picnic out in the sun with my mum and then sat in a real finnish sauna for an hour or so. fantastic day. couldn't ask for a thing more.

...except maybe my suitcase. i would definitely like to have my suitcase here. right now. bloody british airways. damn them. damn them to hell.

jolly good, how about a cup of tea?

phew. london: done.

man, i hate these friggen "feed me a fistful of coins and i may operate for a few mins" internet booths. but then again, what can i do? 3,5 hrs before my plane leaves, so i have to entertain myself with something. but i can tell you bunnies, this poor excuse of a keyboard is evil.

london was awesome. even though it's the official capital of shitty weather, it was an absolutely beautiful day. i walked around and enjoyed a fantastic full english breakfast in the sun while enjoying the view of the millenium bridge and then od'd on fantastic artworks at tate modern. its fucken mindboggling what they have there.

anyway, i think it's time for me to beeb my way through the security check and get myself a bit of that heartwarming rubberglove action.

ps. owwie. hurty feet.

rightio bunnies, i'm nearly off...

i prolly wont be able to access a computer before i leave for the airport, so i reckon that the next time i'll be blogging, it'll be from good ole tampere rok city.

i can assure you, that i'll whinge abt the horrors of heathrow as soon as i can reach a keyboard.

so until then bunnies, so long and thanks for all the fish!

p a n i c

wow. done.

all my uni work is done and handed in. i moved all my shit into a storage yesterday and all that's left to do is to stuff my shoes into my suitcase and head for the airport tomorrow. sunshine promised to take me out for dindin tonight, so that'll be a nice way to spend the last day before i go.

my work evolved a bit yesterday during the assessment. i set INNER BEAUTY up on the wall as in the pictures before and after i had finished my rant, the teacher goes: "i'm sorry, but i just HAVE to do this..." and he walks up to the wall and removes the 'o' letter from the title so that the wall read:

INNER BEAUTY

it's what's inside that c unts

another quote from this morning: we were sitting at the bar with a mate of mine and couple of teachers. this funny lil woman walks up to our table and starts ranting on something to one of the teachers. she's making absolutely no sense, but then again she never does. as she walks off, the teacher goes: "she's a lovely woman that one... just completely MAD."

heh. art schools, gotta luv em.

a quick translation

i saw this poem by an unknown author(?) at elämänpolkuni. i just had to do a quick translation in english and post this up.

only once
i will spread myself at your feet
and say
take me.

if you hesitate, stay there
i'll move on.

if you want to lay down your rules
tell them to a tape recorder
i will close my eyes and smile quietly.

if you don't want me as i am
then no go.

if it is too much for you
that i accept you
not as a statue of god
not as a sign post
not as the law
but as a person
then go and find yourself another
goddess.

(unknown author - quick translation [with few liberties] from finnish to english by tp, so sue me.)

inner beauty - all set up and ready to go!

here's my new work set up as an installation. i chose a spot *right* in front of the main entrance so that i could get everyone's attention. heh. i think it's working too.

and here are close-ups of the images.

i hate, i hate, i hate, i hate, I HATE PACKING! maybe i'll just waste a lil more time surfing through useless crap. that's always fun...

i just love this shit

a song for the day

ursula rucker - circe (jazzanova mix)

i've watched you for so long
i must have you
sirens have nothing on my song
my song is ageless and perfect
angels envy my song
you must be strong to resist this
i've seduced men you thought were myth
gods have murdered mortals over me
they died with my name on their lips
my taste on their tongues
my love is the only one you need
come rest your earthly burdens on my breasts
you'll find them firm like virgin's
irresistible like goddess'
my breasts are filled with neptune's nectar
one sip and you'll be mine

now sink into my sea soft skin where your fantasy begins
don't fight, you'll never win
i know, my hair is mesmerizing
it reflects the colors of suns rising and set
you'll never forget my wet
wonder, come under
my kiss will keep you safe
what seemed to you like minutes in my world are endless days
ride my waves of pleasure, forever
your human hands like magic from my coral strands
as our bodies melt into the sands of the ocean floor
i'm deep into your love...

but wait, my seduction
has now become a dangerous attraction
i can't breathe ... i... i can't breathe
i’m drowning in you love, drowning...

i’m drowning ... who, who are you?
and why are you saving me?
he said: "i've loved you from afar
with a child's heart and a man's longing.
i know you better than you know yourself.
better than any man, myth, or immortal.
i've watched you seduce for centuries
in the search for a creature who could please... you."

the men between the shoeboxes

eviiliä writes about the romantic loves of her life. this made me wonder about the men in my life. looking back now, they have no doubt had a major influence on me. some more than others, but every single one of them has left me with some sort of mark or a trace. a lustre of the life lived perhaps?

• the dropdead gorgeous dj boy
  - first slow dance
  - first kiss (followed by the first make out in the movies)
  - first broken heart
  - jamiroquai - too young to die, alphaville - forever young, jam & spoon - right in the night, u2 - lemon (perfecto mix), deee-lite - groove is in the heart
  
  i was abt 14-15 and he was one year younger. and the most gorgeous thing i had ever seen. it was love at first sight.
  
  i remember running into him at a school cafeteria once and got so startled that i dropped my tray on the floor. heh. being a teen was so embarassing. i luveded it.
  
  i saw him at poing (teeheehee... anyone else have nostalgic memories from these good ole tampere teen discos?) and asked him to dance the slows with me. alphaville - forever young. still remember how my heart was beating like crazy and how it was the most happiest and exciting moment of my life. of course he broke my heart a week later. there was a sequal few yrs later that was a bit more succesful, but i ended up breaking his heart after a couple of months. he has the most sexiest voice, and the things he said just made my heart skip a beat. wonderful, wonderful memories.
  
  he is still a weak spot in a very nostalgic way.
  
  
• bunnyboy
  - first real relationship
  - enya,
  
  it was the years between 17-20. he was the same age as i was. he brought me sunflowers. in fact, when we first hooked up, he brought me flowers every single time we met for the first 6 months. think candle dinners, think picnics, winter weekends spent on a secluded cottage making love on a bear skin rug in front of an open fire. it was intense, it was romantic, it was beautiful and it was non-stop steamy and exciting sex. it was everything that a first real love is supposed to be. naturally we were very young and burned the candle from both ends.
  
  
• the boy
  - he showed me the world
  - ultra bra, u2, röyksopp, manic street preachers,
  
  from 20 to 24. and he was one year older. he got me interested in travelling, movie festivals, art, whiskey, everything. he taught me how to snowboard and snorkel. he made me hot chocolate with rum. he showed me the sunrise in abu simbel, sunset in thailand and the leonids in the caribbean.
  
  he still holds a very special place in my heart and he always will. and he is the only person on this planet who can drive me into homicidal rage within 5 mins without even trying. heh.
  
  
• the russian boy
  - first foreign bf
  
  from 24 to 25. he was few years younger than me. heh. he was gorgeous, he was flirty and he was hot. it was amazing sex for a little over a year. unfortunately i think i ended up breaking his heart pretty badly in the end even though i honestly did not mean to. my future plans just didn't match with his. settling down with a family was not my cup of tea. the need to see the world was too strong and it lured me away from him. but i've got to tell you bunnies, that 6pack was just phenomenal... not even mentioning that bum. yumyumyum.
  
  
• tall, dark and handsome
  - first bf down under
  - love outside andromeda, dj scott - overdrive, john mayer - your body is a wonderland, gary jules - mad world
  
  from 25 to 26. he was my age. and tall, dark and handsome he was. all three to the extreme. he showed me sydney and he showed me australia. he showed me good times but somehow it never went deeper than that. really can't understand why. all the elements were there, it just didn't happen.
  
  
• mr. pinstripe
  - mr. big
  - air - you make it easy, air - all i need, air - biological, morcheeba - over and over, incubus - i miss you, incubus - stellar, a perfect circle - weak and powerless, nine inch nails - something i can never have, the loners - never, kurtis mantronix - how did you know
  
  i was 26 and he was younger. heh. shit hot date in a pinstripe suit. what else can i say. he had the most fucked up sense of humour and he nearly killed me with whiskey. he made me laugh. we shared a taste in music, movies and white wine. his mind was as twisted, dirty and fucked up as mine and we entertained each others with hours and hours of fascinating conversations.
  
  abt once a month he took me out on a fantastic first date, but that's as far as it ever went. we never actually hooked up. he was loyal to his more demanding lover: his ambition.
  
  i still think that he kicks arse.
  
  
• my american boy
  - tori amos - a happy phantom, arab strap
  
  i was 26 and he was way younger. so, so very perty.
  
  i was living on campus and in the beginning of the semester this gorgeous lil bearded dancer boy moved into the room opposite my window. every night he'd strip in his window and every night i'd drool. he was a fantastic flirt and had a major fetish for my toes. he taught me that even an anorectic teddy bear can give great hugs and beards are very endearing and fun to play with.
  
  he was incredibly warm, spiritual and energetic. his mere presence cured my stress and headache. it was very intence and it only lasted a little while cause he had a plane to catch. i still think he is truly wonderful and i hope i will run into him one day again.
  
  i made him muffins. there we were, wrapped up in a warm planket, eating muffins, watching the sunset and getting lost into each others eyes.
  
  
• sunshine
  - most recent ex
  - radiohead, live acoustic guitar music in general
  
  i was 27 and he was a few yrs younger than me. an intriquing packet of contradictions. bi-polar in every sense of the word. he could make me happier as well as sadder than anyone else. very intelligent and the most moral person i know. and the most naughtyest, bold flirt ever. entirely irresistible. gave great hugs and luveded back tickles.
  
  a bit too recent to see the big picture. but he taught me that body hair and manly muscles are very sexy, a guy playing a guitar is fucken hot, and he brainwashed me into radiohead.
  
  heh. the fuckwit locked me into the backyard once and bought his life with goon. good times.
  

i hold them all dear for providing my life with the rollercoaster ride i hate to love and love to hate. thanks bunnies, you rok.

celebrating the newborn carnivore me

seriously, nothing's better on a hangover day than a massive pile of fat on a platter.

we cooked up a late brekky with sunshine today. and we cooked the whole lot: sausages, bacon, mushrooms, onion, tomatoes and toast. and oh it was so fucken good. first taste of bacon for ten years. i have to admit that the looks and smell was quite off-putting at first, but after tasting the first bit, i was loving it.

i think i'm in a movie kinda mood. i don't think i can do anything more constructive today. i'll start packing tomorrow. honestly couldn't be arsed today. no way.

ooooooooof...

bunnies, i have a confession to make: last night i got drunk. well, ok, i didn't get drunk, i got tanked. like fully, honestly, tanked. in fact, i think i am still a bit drunk. so for all i know, this might be a drunken blog entry.

it was miss denmark's bday last night. quater of a century she was. and drunk she got. we did the usual drinkies and pool routine. i sucked balls so i decided to give the balls a miss and concentrate on the essential: drinking. oh and i did.

we did a pub crawl from the marly to kelly's and finished it off at zanzibar. heh. fucken zanzibar. as we walked in (me, sunshine, matty, timmy and denmark, so i was several years older than the others) and the fucken bouncer picks me up from the crowd to ask for my id. of course i didn't have mine with me. so there i go, running back home to get my fucken passport to get into a pub. bloody fucken hell.

fair enuff if i was closer to the age limit, but i've been able to piss up legally for nearly 10 yrs! grh.

INNER BEAUTY- it's what's inside that counts

double penetration


cunnilingus


missionary

here's one of my most recent works, bunnies. these are the three prints that i had framed for studio arts.

the original images are stills that i've extracted from deep throat (a 1972 classic hard core porno). the images are named according to the sexual positions/acts during which the face shot was taken.

the prints are colour separation silk screens, printed using three modified colours. the print area size is 390mm x 240mm.

5 days to go!

sometimes i forget that being an art student doesn't have that much to do with the real everyday life environment.

i took the train home from campus with a teacher of mine one day last week. as we were talking abt the usual shit, she suddenly asks me: "oh, did you say that you have deep throat on dvd?". i admit owning the movie and promise to lend it to her.

i go and visit her the following day and take the dvd with me. she grabs it all excited and says: "oh great, i'll watch it straight away tonight!"

so there i am, handing my female feminist teacher - who also happens to be a very well established sydney based artist - a hard core pornorgaphy dvd, which she accepts gleefully announcing that she'll spend the night watching it. and it didn't even seem weird until someone else pointed it out to me.

awesome.

ooh, a challenge?

accepted, hanna dear. so, i'm supposed to name 6 songs and throw the challenge onwards to 6 people?

schizo mentioned a problem of having too many songs to choose from, and ended up naming his 6 heartbreak songs. that's how i feel. too much good shit going around to name only a few. i need a theme. heartbreak? rage? luv? good mood? sex? party?

i think i'll name my 6 favourite 'new start' songs:

1. björk - 5 years
2. prodigy - no good
   
3. smg - onnellinen nainen
4. jamiroguai - feel so good
5. toby neal - lost in thought
6. röyksopp - beautiful day without you

and the challenge bit? tira, eg, kennu, kari, melanooma and vilpponen, consider yourselfves challenged. that should cover female beauty, hard core tech nerds, misbehaving journalists and finns on this side of the planet.

good girl i am

such a good girl i've been today.

i've spend the entire day on my uni shit and i've got shitloads done. i picked up my prints from the framer and they looked absolutely gorgeous. i spent half of the day at my video teacher's place fixing the problem i had with capturing the footage from the camera. it all worked out in the end and i just finished editing my video too. yay for me!

funny guy that framer btw. i took my prints there on wednesday. as i unwrapped them he seemed impressed by the images and asked if they were my work or if i was getting someone else's work framed. i ended up explaining the work to him and he seemed quite suprised to hear that the original images used were stills off a hard-core porno.

today when i showed up to pick up the prints the guy goes: "i still can't understand why a lady like you would be watching hard core porn... " then after a short pause, he continues: "but the next time you're having a porn night, gimme a call..."

heh. right. men are funny creatures.

oh, and i have a new theory that i've discovered during the past couple of weeks:

doll-like shoes + white kneehigh socks + skirt
= tenfold flirt and attention level

6 days to go! *panic*

ooh! almost forgot to tell you bunnies: wednesday was a historical day. i drank my first beer ever. toohey's extra dry. the whole bottle. and you know what? it's wasn't that bad at all. still prefer my whiskey/white wine/cider tho.

after i finished my beer i realised that i just proved my own theory. see, i believe that chicks who drink beer don't shave. i've heard this theory from a few friends of mine (who claim to have done an extensive empirical study on the subject) and i am a strong believer. and what do you know, the first day in over ten years that i don't, what do i do? i drink beer!

"i'm right. and when i'm right, i'm right. and i, i'm always right." (i know that's a quote from somewhere but i have no idea where i've picked it up from. if anyone can correct me or point me to the origin, pls do)

dominance

i have to admit that this shit has some point in it: [via]

"if there is one thing that turns women off more than anything else, it's a man with a lack of dominance. and an attractive woman can smell a lack of dominance like a shark smells blood.

no one is attracted to someone who conveys a sense of being powerless. when it comes to being a man, however, power is not only important, it's everything. ... a woman is never attracted to a man who seems to be 'equal' with her. in some major way, he has to be more than her. ... to feel feminine, she must be with a man who is masculine. when a woman is with a guy who is not dominant, she feels like he is just another girl.

tho i have to admit that i'm not sure if i agree with it all the way. i do believe in equality above all, but, BUT for example physically, i do expect the male to be stronger and bigger. physically the most important things would be: taller, stronger, more muscly, bigger hands, bigger feet and more body hair. other shit on the list would include: more balls, more brave, preferably more brains, bigger income, more sensible, the usual shit.

most of that is just because men seem to have major issues with this shit if it's the other way around. if i make more money than my bf, they seem to feel inadequate. if i have more balls, they feel pussywhipped. and more sensible? well, if i'd be the more sensible one, the male would have to be pretty fucken ditzy and ditzy men really don't do it for me.

"...one very high dominance woman searched for years for such a male and when she found him she was finally happy. but he wasn't quite dominant enough, and so she used to provoke quarrels that would end with him slapping her about, hurling her on a bed, and raping her. these sexual experiences she found most satisfactory of all."

mmm... agro-quarrel sex. (as mentioned by tira - in finnish)

7 days to go!

heh. i went to see my new place last night. the deal on the apartment is that one of my teachers is moving to germany for the rest of the year. she promised the place to me dirt cheap cause she'll leave her stuff in and i will also take care of the kitty.

the place is absolutely beautiful. a perfect lil artist abode. the first thing i felt as i stepped in, was all soothed and relaxed. i think soothing is just what i need right now. i wish i would have taken some photos while i was there. i luveded it. absolutely luveded it.

afterwards i ended up walking into the city with my teacher. as we were passing the big church next to hyde park, she says: "i don't know if you're a church-going person, but if you wish to go on sundays, this would be the church." she walks quietly for a few more steps, glances at me and continues, "tho girl, i have to tell you: i don't think they would let you in." cracked me up.

then we drank our way through two exhibition openings alongside the other teachers. they're all good value.

i still love this quote

"poor baby, can we make spoons?"

- fabienne in pulp fiction

8 days to go!

heh. you know what bunnies? life is all fun and exciting again.

when my phone rings, i don't know who it is before i check the name on the display. when i get a message, i have time to guess through several names before reading the actual message. and i have no idea what i'm doing next weekend, where i'll end up going and who with. well, there's a tempting plan already, but nothing is certain. nothing is boring. nothing is like it was for the gawd knows how many weekends in row before this.

all my uni works are turning out great and i seem to be getting everything done on time. i can't wait to get a place of my own and start living like the home nudist finn i am. no need to worry abt scarring my flatmates with full frontal nudity, the only one who'll be there to see is the gorgeous 15 yrs old kitty i'm adopting with the apartment.

i'm stuffing myself with candy, junk food, alcohol and what ever else i can think of indulging in, yet i'm getting thinner and fitter every day. i've found all my sexy skirts again and spent a fortune on the luxurious stockings i can wear with them. i love playing dress-up games every morning before i walk out the door.

i know i'll get bored with this too, if it lasts too long, but fuck, who cares? i'm having the time of my life right now. and right now is all that matters. i'll wing the rest...

tonight i'm going to go to an exhibition opening in the city, all dolled up, ready to meet new ppl and drink my martinis like the art wank i am. cheers bunnies!

fairy tales

"Once again the little princess found herself sitting at the window, buried deep into her thoughts and staring at her red shoes. She realized that the window shelf she had been sitting on all along was the throne she had been looking for. But no matter how comfortable it had felt for a while, in her mind the window shelf was already turning into a throne that was too high, too wide and too hard all at the same time. The little princess sighed deeply as she took off the last pair of shoes she owned and placed them on the window shelf next to her. She wiggled her toes in the sunlight and it felt quite refreshing. The little princess knew that she would be free as soon as she took that first step, but for the first time in her life she hesitated. Secretly the little princess longed for someone to come and put the red shoes back on her little feet. “But that,” she thought as she focused her eyes on the distant horizon “I shall never admit to anyone.”

- The Restless Little Princess

quality trash! - 9 days to go!

I HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS FLICK! i haven't seen such promising trash since john waters! thanks for the tip schizo.

[via]

weird times - 10 days to go

last week was weird. it started out really bad, but at the end of the week a stroke of luck followed another and everything just seemed to work out. can't complain.

i am still having a bit of that "just before major change anxiety", but i know it'll go away as soon as i take that first step. after that everything is always new, exciting and entertaining. and i'm good at it. i'm very good at leaving.

the anxiety is always related to that slight "what if?" ringin in the back of my head. the two words that i hate more than anything. i don't believe in unresolved shit. i wouldn't want to look back and think that i bailed out of something because it was the easier choice. just because i know that it's so much easier to leave than to stay.

i know how to leave. but at the same time i realise that one day i should learn how to stay too.

but hey, enough serious boring shit. i have a 'clean' flower in my very messy hair and i feel perty. it's good to feel perty when the sun shines.

"...fourtynine percent,
one percent short of happy
and less than half ain't really much of nothing..."

oops - 11 days to go

i knew i'm no angel, but didn't really think i was this bad:

genghis khunt

master of man, bringer of pain--riding your way to conquest after conquest.

your sexual avarice is legendary. you've already had an unusually high amount of experience, and, still you look for more. you intimidate many. you make no apologies.

personality-wise, you're carefree and relatively easy-going. you don't plan things out ahead of time; you tend to live in the moment. of course, this can cause some damage when the moment happens to include a screaming orgasm with his younger brother. hence the 'brutal' tag we've given you.

but you know what, take five seconds to lock the doors, and you'll be fine. there's nothing wrong with a little sex, or a whole lot.

AVOID: the slow dancer
CONSIDER: the 5-night stand, the hornivore, the playboy

--

cracked me up. especially since my ex (sunshine) scored the hornivore. heh. this explains a lot... no wonder everyone kept telling us that "you two deserve each other!"

go on bunnies, give it a go: what are you? comment and let me know too!

woohooo! - 13 days left

you know what bunnies? sometimes shit just works out!

i scored a big one bedroom apartment for myself, from the very centre of the city for the money that i'm paying for this tiny shithole of a room in this cockroach infested house. i am going to be sad to see newtown go, but hey, maybe it's for the best.

today, i'm a happy lil girly!

hello! loud voice! very pain!

yes. i have been a bad and neglectful lil girly recently. sorry about that bunnies.

heh. you know that shit is going to go bad, when the first thing you do after you walk into a bar, is to order 8 tequila shots...

i had a nightful of weird conversations with people, but with my tendency to reality dream lately, i have no idea which of the conversations were real and which i dreamed. fucked up. especially since the conversations were about pretty volatile current issues...

today i'm only a shadow of myself. well, a trembling cranky lil shadow with a hell of a headache, but you get the picture. pretty much everything i've tried to do so far has fucked up big time. e v e r y t h i n g . instant karma from waking up under a wrong coloured doona cover?

i am a bad girl. maybe a lil spanking would help? oh wait. hang on... was that what got me into trouble in the first place or was that one of my dreams?

i need fatty food. shitloads of it. later bunnies.

ps. i wish i had slippers, so that i could take a pic of them...