can't - sit - still
restless as fuck. can't escape the feeling, that i'm missing shit when i'm so far away from home. the fucked up thing is that i'm supposed to be at home right now. but no.
i feel rootless (yehyeh, pun intended) in sydney, cause all my history is somewhere so far away. yet when i come here, where the little history i do have is closer, i realise that my present is not here. right now, in the present moment, my home is sydney.
the present is different. present is always volatile. present is choises, present is active. when i'm away, i'm forced to be passive. i feel like i'm queuing into the ladies room while they're serving the cocktails of my life out in the garden.
then again, i think this is good. it's good that i get some distance and perspective to some of the things that have been troubling my mind lately. big issues are difficult to see clearly if you're standing too close.
when you remove the frame of the everyday bs, you suddenly see what really matters. you can see little things that you were blind to before. and some things that seemed to fill the entire horizon shrink into right proportions. i guess it takes time and i'm sure that i'll be able to see a lot clearer picture a few weeks from now.
right now, all i see is a lack of arms around me at night. and i have a bad feeling that only that certain pair of beautiful arms can produce the safe, warm feeling that i'm missing.
i already know that the clearer that image gets, the more restless it will make me. i dare say i'll be counting the days to get back to sydney, just as manically as i counted the days left to my flight to finland.
i feel rootless (yehyeh, pun intended) in sydney, cause all my history is somewhere so far away. yet when i come here, where the little history i do have is closer, i realise that my present is not here. right now, in the present moment, my home is sydney.
the present is different. present is always volatile. present is choises, present is active. when i'm away, i'm forced to be passive. i feel like i'm queuing into the ladies room while they're serving the cocktails of my life out in the garden.
then again, i think this is good. it's good that i get some distance and perspective to some of the things that have been troubling my mind lately. big issues are difficult to see clearly if you're standing too close.
when you remove the frame of the everyday bs, you suddenly see what really matters. you can see little things that you were blind to before. and some things that seemed to fill the entire horizon shrink into right proportions. i guess it takes time and i'm sure that i'll be able to see a lot clearer picture a few weeks from now.
right now, all i see is a lack of arms around me at night. and i have a bad feeling that only that certain pair of beautiful arms can produce the safe, warm feeling that i'm missing.
i already know that the clearer that image gets, the more restless it will make me. i dare say i'll be counting the days to get back to sydney, just as manically as i counted the days left to my flight to finland.
No comments:
Post a Comment