you know you're in australia when...

• the mexicans next door ask you over for a bbq.
• you don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.
• you actively dislike americans, but watch their telly, eat their food and worship their idols.
• democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of john howard.
• a posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet.
• your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"
• you don't drink fosters, but you let the world think you do.
• the only thing better than beating the poms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it.
• you can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' this allows for more space for profanities.
• you have a customised stubby holder.
• your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.
• you use the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. and then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
• your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it.
• the "aussie aussie aussie! oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past.
• the blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date.
• the bbq is a male-dominated arena. and the women do the salads.
• 'fair go for all' excludes indigenous people.
• an eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.
• you take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all poms and kiwis are fair game.
• slick pick-up lines like 'wanna shag?' and 'carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation.
• you say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

[orig. edited rather heavily on the way]