must - stop - watching

ok. this is not healthy anymore.

see, unfortunately most of the ppl around me have been exposed to bloody lil britain lately as well. i've gotten used to everyone quoting the idiotic one-liners all the time and do the same myself. unfortunately, the reality is that not everyone has seen it. at least not all friggen three seasons of it. so i really, REALLY have to stop quoting it all the time.

heh. i rocked up at my mate's place on sat night and was buzzing myself through the downstairs door. i expected him to respond, but it was his flatmate.

[bzzzzzzzzzt-bzzt-bzzt-BZZZZZZZZZZZTTT]
- yes?
- 'hi martin, it's linda... '
- ...? [hang-up]
[after realising that my witty line did not go down too well i call my mate's mobile]
- hello hello!
- FUCKEN LET ME IN!

also, the continuous use of phrases like 'i want that one', 'yeah i know', 'i don't like it', 'i look a pillock', 'the computer says no...', 'but i'm a lady!', 'a right kerfuffle' and of course 'eh-eh-ehhhhhh!' have caused a series of odd looks and uncomfortable silences among the normal people at work.

'well, the past is gone, i know that. the future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. so, all there is, is this. the present. that's it.'

- don johnston, broken flowers

stove 4 - 0 tp

note to self: must buy a water boiler kettle thing-a-magic. really very soon. running out of small pots to boil water in.

[warning: following text classified as whinge and bitch]
weak fucken pieces of shit they are anyway. pots these days. i mean, a pot is meant to be heated up on the bloody stove, right? then why the fuck does a lil thing like forgetting it on full heat for a lil while... like an hour (well, a few at most, not more than that!) burn it useless?

and how many fucken pots do i need to go through before i learn? four down, one more to go.
[/whinge and bitch]

'i look a pillock.'

broadcast media bad?

ooh, blame it on the unhealthy amounts of alcohol consumed lately, but i've just had yet another revelation. wait for it... wait for it! here it comes:

i don't do broadcast media.

no telly, no radio. nonono. i just realised that the reason why is that it does not operate on my terms.

movies, tv-shows, the lot. i want the good stuff, when i want it and with no additives pls.

with telly i can't choose when to receive my entertainment and my choises are limited based on what other people like. and everyone knows that other ppl are bloody mindless waste of time and space. as a bonus, with my limited and always unconveniently timed little pieces of entertainment, i'm being force-fed ads in attempt to brainwash me even further. i don't think so.

with radio it's slightly different.

i listen to music non-stop and quite often use it to either alter my mood or reinforce the mood i am in.

where as with radio, i'm rendered into a receiver with no control over the transmission. listening to radio means giving the control over my mood to someone else. by playing tracks that i associate with memories involving certain people, time periods or situations, i can end up on a fully uncontrollable rollercoaster ride going from one end to the other and back again.

meh.

ipod and dvds, please. and yes, i'll have some chips with that too.

sandpaper kisses

i heard this amazing song yesterday and now i can't stop listening to it... it sounds like something straight off a quentin tarantino soundtrack. very bewitching and hypnotic. strongly recommended bunnies.

martina topley bird - sandpaper kisses

sandpaper kisses, papercut bliss
don't know what this is, but it all leads to this:

you're gonna leave her
you have deceived her
just a girl

ooh just a girl with featherweight curls
to expose all she knows you play like tease
just a girl with featherweight curls
to expose all she knows you play like tease

you're gonna leave her
you have deceived her
just a girl

i want the soul of something simple to
take home with me
the world as someplace simple it's my
home you see

you're gonna leave her
you have deceived her
just a girl, a blood red pearl

good times

tell you something funny bunnies...

i was supposed to catch up with the frenchman last night over season 3 of little britain. well, he seemed to be taking bloody ages at work and just as i was abt to get fed up with waiting, sunshine called me up and invited me out for a few drinkies. and of course, there i went.

we had a fantastic time doing the usual d&m's avec pointing and laughing over way too many drinkies and at some stage we found ourselves travelling towards the cross for some lil britain and more alcohol.

as we're walking towards my place, of course we run into the frenchman who's just making his own way home from the bar. heh. it would have been awkward if it wouldn't have been so damn funny. we stopped to exchange a few words and the boys shook hands while i pointed and laughed. heh.

the following morning i get a phone call from the frenchman inviting me out for brekky which i had to turn down. a few hrs later we end up going for a nice lil cafe brekky with sunshine. and sure as fucken hell the frenchman is sitting a few tables away with his friends, grinning and poking his tongue out at me. once again i crack up inhaling my coffee.

again, we stop over for a lil polite chat and the boys shake hands. i set up a date with the frenchman for tonight to watch the lil britain and then go and see sunshine off before walking home laughing my arse off.

sometime's life's just too fucken funny to take seriously.

i've had the bestest of times lately and there's been entertainment aplenty. what more can you ask for really?

posting spam again

i found some of these mildly amusing. blame it on the lack of caffeine, but i'm posting them for you bunnies too...

--

DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

• 40-ish = 49.
• adventurous = slept with everyone.
• athletic = no breasts
• average looking = moooo.
• beautiful = pathological liar.
• emotionally secure = on medication.
• feminist = fat
• free spirit = junkie
• friendship first = former slut.
• new-age = body hair in the wrong places.
• old-fashioned = no bjs.
• open-minded = desperate
• outgoing = loud and embarrassing.
• professional = bitch
• voluptuous = very fat
• hugh frame = hugely fat
• wants soul mate = stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

• yes = no
• no = yes
• maybe = no
• we need = i want
• i am sorry - you'll be sorry
• we need to talk = you're in trouble
• sure, go ahead = you better not
• do what you want = you will pay for this later
• i am not upset = of course, i am upset, you moron!
• you're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

• i am hungry = i am hungry
• i am sleepy = i am sleepy
• i am tired = i am tired
• nice dress = nice cleavage!
• i love you = let's have sex now
• i am bored = do you want to have sex?
• may i have this dance? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• can i call you sometime? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• do you want to go to a movie? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• can i take you out to dinner? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• i don't think those shoes go with that outfit - i'm gay

meh. australia day

day off, but since i'm paid by the hr it just meant that i need to work on friday instead. so no, not a big fan this year.

i'm not going to big day out, but i did get an invitation to a rather promising australia j party. bbq and piss all day long - the real australian way of spending the day. so i better doll up, pick up some meat and goon on my way and head to my mate's place.

--

social life has been quite entertaining lately. i've met a lot of new people as well as caught up with my old mates. heaps of drinkies and good times i tell you. the new people are quite interesting and entertaining, but nothing to write home about just yet.

--

ooh! nearly forgot: i finally updated my webcam and now my baby does good quality clear image and FINALLY has a mic in it.

so bunnies i know irl: email/msn me to swap skype usernames!

HAPPINESS, n. an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

INTIMACY, n. a relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

MINE, adj. belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

MISFORTUNE, n. the kind of fortune that never misses.

MORE, adj. the comparative degree of too much.

PATIENCE, n. a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

PHILOSOPHY, n. a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

POLITENESS, n. the most acceptable hypocrisy.

--

useful information about certain nationalities

operation disguise

to hide the embarassing tracks of last friday, i have decided to go under cover as a brunette again. artificial intelligence out of a tube never fails.

spaz

oh dear. looks like my last friday's drunken adventures were documented. unfortunately i bumped into this one on a local clubbing photos site. fuck.

i'm telling you bunnies: off my fucken tits.

--

oh wait, it gets worse. just found another one:

[photos from inthemix]

ACHIEVEMENT, n. the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

check it out bunnies: THE PRESETS

the frenchman sent me one of the tracks a couple of days ago and i have to say that this is the coolest new shit i have come across for ages. they're a new sydney-based band and i dare say they will go apeshit in the near future.

the best i can describe it is depeche mode having a punk-ish euro trash orgy with röyksopp. so unbelievably cool.

the presets - girl and the sea, are you the one? and kitty in the middle rock my lil world atm (scroll down the page to listen to some of the songs and check out the videos too)

i just can't stop listening to them. and the bad thing is that you really need to crank this shit out loud. my neighbours will prolly get me evicted within a week.

give it a go bunnies, they seriously kick arse.

friday cadenza

such a busy lil social butterfly. luvin it.

first the frenchman demands to take me out for a drink and a lil talk. yeh i know, sounded scary, but i decided to go anyway. well surprisingly i ended up having a great time with him. he was doing the whole 'oh come on, you know we should give it another go...' thing, but not in a whiny way. he was being his normal rude, funny and entertaining self and i had a good laugh.

he's alright. if nothing else, i do think we can be good mates. couldn't promise anything else at the moment. but it did remind me of the fun and entertainment he was.

after that, i ran to the city to catch up with dui and his work mates at jackson's on george.

dui and c were being the usual bundle of fun but one of his work mates was as boring as batshit. of course we ended up ditching him. while the poor guy got up to go to the dunny, we ran out. heh. i know, i know. so very rude, but it seemed like a good idea at the time... blame the piss. i know i do.

we had a few more drinkies at the orient and then continued onwards to the cross.

dui's flatmates and friends joined us at candy's and i met up with another new bloke: the half finn biker guy. he was very good fun and entertainment. i had to teach him how to pronounce 'suksi vittuun!' properly since he thought it was the most hilarious insult he had ever heard of (i had posted him the link to swearsaurus so that he could cherish his finnish roots).

we all ended up on the dance floor of candy's and danced our arses off. the music was absolutely fantastic. i had never been there before but will definitely go again.

dui does such a great job in being the 'dedicated male' and keeping the way too keen sleazy fuckwits away from my bum on the dance floor that i could for once enjoy a good dance until i was sweaty like a piggy on the bbq. can't remember the last time i had as much fun clubbing.

after my heels started to make my life a living hell, we decided to go chill out by the water, first down at rushcutter's bay and then continued onwards to my pool.

great night out bunnies, that's all i can say.

retrospective piss-up entry

oops. looks like i've been a very bad lil chicky and forgot to rant on abt all the social bs going on. heh.

i guess i've been preoccupied with the whole berlin shit happening. but yeh. let's hope everything goes well with that.

--

last weekend i ended up doing yet another *massive* piss-up with sunshine. it was supposed to be just a drink or two after work in the city before i joined my mates for the real piss-up of the night. right. naturally we hit the piss really hard with sunshine and at some stage i found myself giggling my arse off in the pool floating around with a bottle of whiskey. heh.

my mates didn't appreciate my disappearance too much. there were a bunch of angry messages on my phone in the morning, most of them starting along the lines of 'ya fucken cunt!...' heh. gotta luv em.

the funny thing was that as we went for a cafe brekky on saturday morning at potts point, we got sprung big time by the frenchman. heh. got the whole 'what the fuck were you doing having brekky with your ex on saturday?' bullshit. hilarious.

then on saturday i went on a semi-date with a new guy, let's call him spandex super hero. he was very funny and good value entertainment-wise. did the live concert at domayne, saw tony oursler at hyde park and then just quiet drinkies at some pub at the rocks.

odd habits

schizoblog and 3kympin kriisi list their weird habits. and since schizo-janne doesn't challenge me, i just have to list mine too:

1. shoes first (oh the shock!)
   when figuring out what to wear, i choose a pair of heels first and then match the rest of my outfit to them.
   
   
2. anally retentive dvds
   i'm pretty anal about my dvd collection being in alphabetical order. the rest of my apartment might at times look like it would have been hosting an orgy for the local secretary students and a high school footy team, but my dvds: straight line, alphabetical, anal.
   
   
3. morning coffee addiction
   i just can't handle a day at the office without my massive triple shot latte. it just doesn't work.
   
   
4. perty toe nails
   must-have-a-pedicure. my toe nails have to be the right length, right shape and perty colour [full stop]. and i can't cut toe nails, they have to be filed down to the right length and shape. i think this one can be traced back to the shoes too...
   
   
5. skin addiction
   i can't help it. i love skin. whenever i have the luxury to sleep next to someone i like, i can't stop running my fingers up and down their skin. preferably up and down a beautifully muscly back. yummy. the good thing is that this seems to be addictive to the receiver too, since after a while they start demanding 'tickles' if for some reason i don't start it automatically. heh.
   

well, why the hell not?

i just read this idea on another blog and it sounded just stupid enough to try: lust, sex and sodomy published his msn address so that ppl can abuse him online. as i am known for taking up idiotic ideas to relieve boredom, i thought i'd give this one a go too.

so here goes: lifebetweentheshoeboxes [at] gmail [dot] com finds me on msn.

be a good bunny, add me and let's whip up a borderline interesting convo.

spotted again

yay! yet another mention on the web. this time my work got picked up by a sydney based art/design site.

holy-fucken-shit

we're living exciting times bunnies.

a few days ago i was delightfully surprised [insert here a visual of a deer in the headlights of an approaching truck] to see milking the cow picked up by an excellent 'bad art' blog that i read daily myself. i do believe i coughed my morning coffee all over the keyboard when i saw my own name pop up. heh.

well since then (xcept for focusing incidents which appeared right after the grad show) my baby has popped up on a few other art related blogs. for some reason the dutch seem to appreciate it a lot. must be all that cock.

well this morning i received an email from friggen berlin that they want to screen milking the cow as a part of a 10 day venue for video art and experimental shorts, happening at the same time as the berlin international film festival. holy-fucken-shit.

pretty cool, huh?

friday's lord henry quote

'romance lives by repetition, and repetition converts an appetite into an art. besides, each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. difference of object does not alter singleness of passion. it merely intensifies it. we can have in live but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible.'

al·so-ran

1. a horse that does not win, place, or show in a race.
   
   
2. a loser in a competition, as in an election: “had enough support to place him in the middle of the also-rans” (george f. will).
   
   
3. one that has little talent or success: just an also-ran in the art world.

(dictionary.com: alsoran)

i learned this one from miss pearl yesterday and i think it's my new favourite word. it's just bloody brilliant.

'evolution of the muff'

i - need - this - shirt.

weekend confession

heh. it's been a busy weekend.

on saturday i went out to newtown and had a *MASSIVE* night out with sunshine. and massive in this case is no exaggeration. we started out with the traditional tequila shots and it was down hill from that. heh.

sunshine was a bit cranky and shit at first, but he warmed up to his lovely self after the first tequila shot. which was good. we did a white wine soaked dindin at a japanese restaurant, continued by cocktails at kuletos, pool and more drinkies at the courty and then take away drinkies at the front yard couch.

fuck i was sick this morning.

--

the tricky thing was, that special k called me up last night. i got invited out to some weird boat christening party at palm beach. the problem was that the limo left at midday.

there i was, shivering on the bottom of my bath tub, under running water and praying that i'd either die or come together within the next hour or so to be able to go out with special k.

by some miracle i was able to pull myself together and make it to our meeting at midday.

there was this gorgeous young lil french chicky who joined us and we had a private driver taking us there with a nice lil lexus. it was all good bunnies.

the party was alright. it was all rich, old, famous and drunk. we did the drunk part. left the other three to the rest. which they did well. we did the oysters and champagne, looked young and gorgeous and had a ball.

in the end, we ended up sitting on the deck of this 80ft luxury motor yacht, drinking chardy and being entertained by these old filthy rich farts.

which was actually surprisingly fun.

honours year here i come!

awesome.

finally got the letter from uni telling me that my honours proposal was accepted. in other words, my arse is saved and i don't need to exit the country in march when my current student visa would have ran out. *phew*

now i just need to face all the byrocratic bs with my visa, and continuing my student support from finland. grah. i hate that shit.

but hey, any of you other uni bunnies reading this, let me know if i get to enjoy your company this year too!

wow. i actually have a tan instead of the usual fluorecent white pasty scandinavian skin colour of mine. and that happened purely by accident.

who would've thunk it?

soothing

what is it about big bodies of water that makes them so soothing?

i've prolly mentioned this before, but i'm not a beach person. i mean, i'm living in one of *the* beach cities of the world, yet i've only gone swimming in the ocean twise during the past three years.

i just can't stand the crowded public beaches, the sand and most of all the beach people. no thanks.

however, i do love the presense of water. i have water views from my window and i love walking in the parks along the water. plus my jogs along the waterline de-stress me like nothing else.

and if i ever end up drinking too much by accident, i always find myself either sitting under running water in the shower or lying in the bathtub. the water does make you feel just that little bit more human-like. not much, but at that stage even the slightest improvement makes the biggest difference.

lately, i've made a habit out of going for a moonlight swim on the roof. i love seeing the city lights all around me and enjoy the empty calmness of the pool when there's no one else there.

revelation

something happened during the past few weeks. well, a series of scattered conversations really, and not just *a* thing.

loads of d&m conversations with my mates. somehow all these conversations came together into a revelation last night that i just heard myself say out loud in the middle of a yet another conversation.

i realized that there is some personal bs that i haven't for some reason let go. and more importantly, i realized how much it affects my behaviour in the present day.

two years ago, i prepared a pair of shoes for someone. a pair of shoes that were never filled cause they were too big, even for the person they were prepared for. of course i did not see it then. what followed was a very confusing year, when i ended up messing myself up quite a bit with my own expectations and hopes.

no wonder i am having such trouble tolerating other people's expectations now.

i thought i cleared it all out a year ago when i had my last revelation, but i dare say i just got rid of it instead of going through the issue. i know its lame as fuck, but now i can see why there are so many crap chick flicks built around the need of closure.

there was that one conversation that never happened.

since the pair of shoes never got filled in the first place, i seem to have left them on the table waiting for the next poor fucker to come along, when really i should have wiped the table clean. silly me.

today i had a talk with the frenchman. instead of parting our ways with a fight, i tried my best to explain myself. feel a bit better now. hope that he does too. it was good fun for a while, but not what either one of us was really looking for.

last night made me realise that it's not the cock in me that i need from a boyfriend, but the arms around myself. it's easy to share yourself when you're the king of the world, but it takes a lot to show your weakness to someone and even more to ask for help.

no matter how i want to be a cold, selfish scandinavian ice queen cunt, it's not that simple. hate to admit it bunnies, but i might have a heart after all. *sigh* a mere mortal. how boring.

so yeh, how's that for a start of the year?

him touring in australia

i've been seeing the heartagram pop up in quite a few places lately. i've seen a lot of ppl wear heartagram badges and just the other day i saw it tagged onto a wall in newtown.

the heartagram of course is the logo of a finnish rock band him.

the tall, dark and handsome one hinted that he had heard somewhere that him would be doing a gig in sydney some time soon. well of course i didn't believe it. i thought that he was confusing it with some other band. well, i just checked out the tour dates from him's official website and here i stand corrected.

they are indeed doing gigs in:

• brisbane
  (march 22, 2006)
• sydney
  (march 23, 2006)
• melbourne
  (march 26, 2006)

which is needless to say fucken fantastic.

this is a definite must see for two reasons: first of all it will be trippy as fuck to see a finnish band perform in here and for the second reason... well, it's no secret that ville valo, the singer of him just happens to be hot as fuck.

catching up and pissing up

dinner avec drinkies is never a bad way to spend a night. even if i feel slightly fragile atm. (mebbe more dinner and less drinkies might produce a less wobbly morning)

yesterday, i was bored at home, all lost in the seductive and corruptive words of my new best friend lord henry, when sunshine invited me out for dinner.fuck lord henry, this was real life entertainment.

after the usual few kms of ' where the fuck shall we eat?' walk, we ended up going to one of the locals in the city, had great thai feed and followed it with quite a few drinkies. it was all good.

at one stage i did go off at sunshine tho. and i dare say not at all without a reason. but he said he was sorry, corrected his behaviour and he's back in the good books.

we ended up having a very good talk and he made me feel a lot better. it's funny really. when ever i seem to be feeling a lil lost, he seems to be very good at shaking me out of it just by being there. sometimes you just need that solid safe rock to stop the shaking.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i do hold my fuckwits dear even after i'm done with them and this one especially can be truly wonderful.

holidays schmolidays

meh. i guess i just can't do this whole sitting on my arse thing. i just feel fucken useless.

i've spent the last few days pissing up, reading books and watching movies. wow. now there's something to write home abt.

--

well, actually, the two pissing up gigs were great. both with the same old crew that i've missed like hell. dui, phoenix and the crowd. first on friday, we had dui's house warming party up on their roof. i dare say we all got utterly trashed. which was fantastic.

then on sat we welcomed the new year right on my backyard at darling point. naturally the boys show up a few hrs late due to the horrific hangover from the previous night. but, they make up for it by wheeling in a shopping cart full of alcohol. now you just gotta luv these guys.

we camped out by the water all night and half of the crazy fuckwits went swimming too. the most fucked up of them all naturally phoenix who (already has a long history of skinny dipping) dived down the 2m drop off the ledge during the midnight fireworks ('oh dear... what is that young man doing? he isn't... is he? oh dear god!') and ended up doing bright white 'full moons' for the audience. then he just popped up and down like a cork with a drink in his hand.

funny as fuck.

--

lord henry is proving out to be excellent entertainment and an endless source of good quality quotes.

'(wo)men, as some witty frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces, and always prevent us from carrying them out.'

--

as for the movies, i've watched: broken flowers, team america, in her shoes, shop girl, eddie murphy: raw, the origins of the davinci code, collateral, i [heart] huckabees, whole first season of little britain*... ('i want that one!')

in other words all the flicks that i for some reason haven't had the time to watch earlier on this year (or didn't see worth the movie ticket price). still on the list for the next few days: the aviator, 40 year old virgin, bewitched, the skeleton key, wedding crashers, mr and mrs smith...

(* watching an entire season of the little britain suddenly deciphered a large portion of the sunshine humour that always seemed a lil odd to me. funny that.

i was always wondering why he was screaming 'but i'm a lady!' when ever i tried to ask him to do something. that crazy fuck.)

quoting

' i never approve, of disapprove, of anything now. it is an absurd attitude to take towards life. we are not sent into the world to air out moral predjudices. i never take any notice to what common people say, and i never interfere with what charming people do. if a personality fascinates me, whatever mode of expression that personality selects is absolutely delightful to me.'

'the real drawback of marriage is that it makes one unselfish. and unselfish people are colourless. they lack individuality.'

- oscar wilde - the picture of dorian gray

UPDATE: challenged

maurelita challenged me to reveal my shoeboxes.

50 pairs of shoes*:

• 40 pairs of high heels
• 33 pairs of stiletto heels
• 17 pairs that i wear almost weekly
  
• 15 pairs of black shoes
  
• 7 pairs of red shoes
  
• 6 pairs of classic pumps
• 6 pairs of wedges
• 5 pairs of sneakers
• 5 pairs of thongs
• 5 pairs of 40's style classic lady pumps
• 1 pair of cfm** boots
• 1 pair that is not uncomfortable/painful to wear (=my dear runners)

r.i.p. 7 pairs that i have trashed beyond repair.

(* this is only the shoes that i have with me here in sydney.

when i arrived here 3 yrs ago i had 3 pairs of shoes with me. the rest have accumulated since. there is also a secondary collection in finland, but that is hardly up to date and most likely assimilated into my mum's shoe collection by now...)

(** cfm boots = come fuck me boots)

wow. nice start for a new year...

SYDNEY WEATHER

sunday fire weather warning for extreme fire danger. the nsw minister for emergency services has totally banned the lighting of fires until midnight sunday. very hot. dry and mostly sunny. some cloud late in the day. freshening northwest winds before a strong, squally southerly change late evening. current temperature: 44 C forecast max: 41 C

mussels and booty calls

heh. funny. i had received a booty call from special k at 01:30 last night. i'm starting to see a pattern that is a bit of a warning call. maybe it's a better idea to stay away from this one dispite the temptation...

frenchman wanted to take me out for dinner last night. he took me to the heritage, which was very nice. i just LOVE those mussels in white wine. we ended up having a good conversation, which i suppose was the point of the whole meeting. well, that and me getting back my $200 that he owed me.

he said a lot. i did more shrugging than anything else. meh. i dunno.

reading to relieve boredom

the good thing abt being bored shitless is that i finally have had the time to bury my nose in a book for good.

recently i've been reading michel houellebecq. recommended by the frenchman of course. i started with atomized and just finished reading platform. quite enjoyed both really. brilliantly depressive.

atomized even lend me a quote for my grad show work:

"the story of a life can be as long
or as short as the teller wishes."

today, over lunch, i was whinging to sunshine that i had run out of books to read and didn't know what to get my hands on next. he dragged me straight to a bookshop, bought a copy of oscar wilde's the picture of dorian gray and handed it to me saying: 'read that.'

righti-o. can't really argue that, now can i?

what i really want to get my hands on is irvine welsh tho. mebbe after this one...

lunches?

wow. i got stood up yesterday.

i told you that special k called the other night and invited me over for a champagne lunch yesterday? yeh well, lunch time came and went and i never heard from special k. i wonder what's that all about?

oh well, life's like a box of chocolates... and i'm the lactose intolerant cunt.

--

today sunshine invited me out for lunch.

but the bitch is just using me. he needs new shoes so he needs his 'personal fashion adviser' to pick them for him. oh well. i'll make sure he doesn't get away with friggen maccas. heh.

blue

i just had an interesting conversation with someone who has synthesesia. in his case its sound and visuals that are mixed/combined and he says he sees music as colours and patterns. VERY fascinating.

made me think of three colours: blue. must watch that flick again. must. one of the most beautiful movies i have seen.

weather forecast for the rest of the week: hot as fuck

we're living exciting times bunnies.

special k just called. i have a champers lunch date tomorrow. have to admit that i'm quite curious. this might be a lot of fun...

and abt other potential entertainment, there's a promise of a dinner with good quality entertainment by someone very dear plus an incredibly hot booty call hanging in the air for the rest of the week.

i had already forgotten how much fun it is to be fully single. cheers bunnies!

whatever lola wants, lola gets
and little man, little lola wants you
make up your mind to have
no regrets
recline yourself
resign yourself, you're through

i always get, what i aim for
and your heart and soul
is what i came for

whatever lola wants, lola gets
take off your coat
don't you know you can't win
you're no exception to the rule
i'm irresistible you fool, give in

give in...

'it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, for me - and i'm feelin good'

such a good lil girl i am. instead of piggying up all xmas, i've been all health health health and even did a boxing day jog today.

yeh i know, quite boring but hey what can i do?

mmm... mebbe it'll get more exciting soon tho. as i've already mentioned, the frenchman is officially history. so it's time to start benchmarking the new potential entertainment.

i've received a few very intriquing messages/calls within the past 48 hrs. lot's of potential. let's see how it all goes bunnies...

two of the recent temptations are already old favourites but there's a new one. let's call the new one special k. yeh, i think that'll do.

well, special k messaged me last night. 'where are you beautiful? wish you were here..." sweet, seemingly innocent but heavily flirty. just the way i like em...

amusement

i was doing xmas shopping a few hrs before yesterday's screaming match. i was with frenchman and his good mate the brit.

frenchman was going through an incredibly painful ritual of cheese buying that took abt half an hr and costed something like $60. (fuck the french)

naturally i was bored shitless waiting with the brit. as we were standing next to the massive cheese counter ('oh my love, it iz ze best cheeze zelection in zydney!') there was this woman in her mid fourties fretting around us.

after a series of overly dramatized deep sighs and foot stomping, she got the attention of one of the staff members behind the counter. poor lil thing. as soon as she was given the chance, she just went off the roof. there was the dramatic gestures of throwing away the number ticket repeatedly, screaming, calling him names and the lot.

as i was quite amused and entertained by the whole show, i pointed it out to the brit. after observing the poor lil boy's attempts to calm her down, the brit suddenly walked to the lady and started a conversation. there was a slight stunned silence and then she went completely apeshit.

as the frenchman finally finished shopping for cheese, and we started walking off, the brit followed us with a smirk on his face.

of course i had to ask...

'oh, i just offered to give her a number of a very good anger management counselor...'

cracked me up. good value those brits with their fucked up dry sense of humour.

olen androgyyni

sinussa on paljon sekä feminiinistä naista että maskuliinista miestä - vielä enemmän miestä kuin naista. sinulla on paljon sekä miehekkäitä että naisellisia persoonallisuuden piirteitä ja toiminnan tyylejä.

olet sukupuolisesti harmoninen. mieheytesi ja naiseutesi ovat tasapainossa keskenään, eikä kumpikaan puolesi hallitse persoonaasi toisen kustannuksella. olet sukupuolen suhteen itsevarma.

olet sukupuolishoppailija! tiedostat sukupuolijärjestelmän olemassaolon, sukupuoliroolit ja odotukset - kriittisestikin. et välitä näihin odotuksiin vastaamisesta, vaan teet mitä haluat ja käyttäydyt sukupuolivapaasti. sinusta on luontevaa toteuttaa itseäsi sekä miehisten ja naisellisten puoliesi kautta. haluatkin toteuttaa itseäsi sukupuolisesti, koska sinua kiinnostaa ja innostaa sukupuolisuus, itsessäsi ja toisissa. olet hyvin sukupuolinen, sukupuolisempi kuin ihmiset yleensä - sukupuolesta innostunut sukupuolikokeilija ja seikkailija.

viihdyt sukupuolessasi - niissä kaikissa. sinua kiinnostaa ja innostaa sukupuolisuus, itsessäsi ja toisissa ihmisissä. voit olla jopa sukupuolimaaninen tai yliherkistynyt sukupuolelle.

testaa sukupuolesi

complete dickheads vs. wonderful fuckwits

this whole xmas time from my bday to new year is usually the worst time in the world. i am in a really foul mood non-stop. first its due to the usual aging crisis, then being home sick during xmas hols and nye is just the usual stress cause you just HAVE TO have a great party and HAVE TO have so much fun and HAVE TO. FUCKEN HAVE TO! grh.

last night i ended up having a final shouting match with the frenchman. the fucken cunt. i was feeling pretty fucken low afterwards. no matter how much i hate xmas i really have no desire to spend it by being screamed and yelled at.

the short version is that he wanted me to accompany him to a fancy xmas dinner at the house of his personal friend. well, yesterday he just happens to slip out the lil fact that the personal friend is actually his big ex's godfather and that his ex and her family will be there too. fuck that.

i didn't really feel comfortable going there after that, to which he responded like a true dickhead, screamed and yelled at me and gave me an ultimatum that if i didn't go, he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after that. well, of course i take such fucken bs from no one and told him to go to hell. hence spending xmas by myself now.

oh well, at least i'm with my 'true love' and the sex is always great. heh.

anyhoo, after feeling low as hell, i messaged sunshine. we concluded that the frenchman was a complete cunt and that if sunshine ever saw him he would break his neck. as usual, made me feel so much better. heh.

later on when i was already sleeping, he woke me up with a very sweet phone call and talked me back to sleep. then this morning i wake up to a sms from him: "merry christmas you wonderful miserable finnish cunt." so very sunshine of him and he made me smile again. a lil while ago he called me again cause he was worried about me spending my xmas home alone.

he really can be truly wonderful. to be honest i think i miss him a bit. he's coming back to syd on the day after tomorrow and promised to take me out on a late xmas dindin. which should be very, very nice.

i also received a 'merry xmas' sms from muscles, but that's a whole different story. heh.

wow.

looks like i'm spending xmas home alone with not a cent on me. fish paste and crisp bread anyone?

quick look

sorry bunnies, the pics are crap. it's cloudy today and the light in my apartment is bad. i will take better pics soon...

f i n a l l y

now my wonderful lil bachelorette studio is all luvly and livable.

the frenchman took me to ikea yesterday and i bought a shitload of stuff including a desk and a bookcase.

i can't tell you bunnies, how big of a difference it makes to get my comp off the floor all set up on a proper desk and arrange my books and dvds to a nice lil bookcase so that i can finally chuck all those friggen milk crates.

i luv my lil apartment. so perty and so comfy!

i dun have any pics yet but i will take a few as soon as i get my lovely ladies on the wall and get my beg propped up on the legs i bought.

now that WAS a surprise

you know what bunnies? i had a fantastic bday.

see, as i mentioned earlier i really honestly hate bdays. i'm seriously not an emotional person, but last year i was borderline crying the entire friggen day. and if you know me irl you know how out of character that is.

i wasn't expecting this year to be any different.

but instead, i ended up having a fucken fantastic night wining and dining out with my mates. we went to the heritage, a belgian restaurant with mindboglingly fabulous food. and even tho i am most definitely not a beer drinker, their cherry beer is oh so yummy.

let me tell you bunnies: duck salad for apetizer, mussels in white wine for main course and all that washed down with cherry beer is where it's at.

miss pearl with her hunk of a boyfriend, pg and his luvly girlfriend ms a, kato, charlie, professional pirate and his beautiful preggers wife and of course the frenchman showed up. we had a ball.

oh, and after the dinner they suddenly carry a cake in!

frenchman had called miss pearl to hunt down a dairy free cake with her help. i was in the office when the call came in and i thought there was something fishy going on. but i would have never thought that the man was THAT resourceful! heh. the cake was chocolate and coconut, and oh so yummy. even tho very difficult to eat since they brought us soup spoons instead of cake forks. heh.

all in all a fucken fantastic day. who would have thunk it?

i strongly dislike these days. in fact, i fucken hate bdays. they always send me in the foulest moods ever. grh.

happy bday to me,
happy bday to me,
happy bday to mee-eeeeeee,
happy bday to me.

there, done. now let's skip the rest of the day and wake up after xmas. dankuu.

lil graduate

wow. quite the geek i am.

got my uni results back so now i've finally graduated for sure. i have to say that the list of grades over the last three years is quite a perty sight.

--

ooh. friday was xmas party at work. we organised it with miss pearl and a feast we did have.

the real hit of the night was our sangria. see, i had a lil bit of an accident with the vodka. i kinda accidentally poured in a lot. like A LOT. as a result, even the blokes swapped their beers in for the sangria. heh.

so yeh, we rok.

mid week blog

wow. peter jackson is a god. a fucken god.

and on a slightly different note, i just received a text message. a very pleasant surprise that one. made me grin. mebbe i need to come up with a new nickname soon...

i like nice surprises.

to do a 'patsy stone'

alrighty bunnies, let's get back to the very dear subject of drinking, shall we?

as we all know, there are different states of being drunk. here's a quick basic scale from 1 to 10. 1 being adorable and 10 being... erm... well, not *quite* so adorable.

1. tipsy
2. giggly
3. flirty
   
4. drunk
5. horny
6. trashed
7. shitfaced
8. off one's tits
9. slaughtered
10. patsy stone

how do you you know that you've done a patsy stone?


cause:

• way too much stolichnaya (actually, any available alcohol will do)
• no solid food consumed for the past decade or more

symptoms:

• drinking straight out of the bottle in a very lady-like manner
• responding to any attempts of removing the bottle with vicious growling and hissing
  
• repeated attempts to chase anything on two legs
• impressive acts of drunken clumsiness etc falling off a couch/falling down stairs/falling out of a cab/etc
• waking up with one's make-up magically relocated on one's cheeks and with a hairdo that would scare even the most prominent spandex heavy band members
• (extra points for waking up screaming 'eddie eddie eddie EDDIE EDDIE!", picking up a wind screen washer at the traffic lights or torching someone's kitchen by passing out while smoking)
  

side effects:

• often followed by a 'edina monsoon syndrome' - a pathetic recovery attempt filled with mantras like 'it's all health health health darling!'

and why am i ranting on abt doing a patsy stone? well. i did. on saturday. a full on 10/10 patsy-fucken-stone.

i might do a retrospective entry on this once the dust settles... but not quite yet bunnies. not quite yet.

let's just say that it involved way too much white wine, nearly getting snogged by frenchman's mate's girlfriend in a bathroom (quite the hottie btw!), dramatic exit by flying down a staircase and disappearing until i was found a few hrs later, on the other side of the city, giggling my arse off sitting on frenchman's stairs with bruised knees from the friggen staircase.

classy, eh?

erwin wurm rok!

bunnies, i think i just found a new fav artist. this guy is bloody brilliant!

instructions on how to be politically incorrect:
two ways of carrying a bomb


instructions on how to be politically incorrect:
looking for a bomb 4


instructions on how to be politically incorrect:
looking for a bomb 3


instructions on how to be politically incorrect:
inspection


instructions on how to be politically incorrect:
fuck the third world

'it's official: too much sex saps male brains'

male animals can produce a lot of sperm or grow big brains but cannot do both, according to a study that may confirm the suspicions of many women.

the study of 334 bat species suggests that energy-hungry brains can evolve only at the expense of other tissues.

writing in proceedings of the royal society, biological sciences, scott pitnick, of syracuse university, new york, reported that species with promiscuous females had evolved extra large testicles but smaller brains.

smh article

posting spam

this is just a spam i got from ms pearl this morning but i was deeply amused by it. i dunno if that says more abt my current mental flatline or the quality of the humour. but hell, just give it a go. i dare say i'll be quoting the bold ones in the future...

THINGS STRESSED WOMEN SAY AT WORK
- and other places

1. okay, okay! i take it back. unfuck you.
2. you say i'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. well this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. don't bother me, i'm living happily ever after.
6. do I look like a people person?
7. this isn't an office. it's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. i started out with nothing and i still have most of it left.
9. therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap. you choose.
10. why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. i'm not crazy. i've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. sarcasm is just one more service i offer.
13. do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. i'm not your type. i'm not inflatable.
15. stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet
16. back off!! you're standing in my aura.
17. don't worry. i forgot your name too.
18. i work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. not all men are annoying. some are dead.
20. wait...i'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. ambivalent? well, yes and no.
23. you look like shit. is that the style now?
24. earth is full. go home.
25. aw, did i step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. i'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. a hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. you are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. if assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

bugger. buggerbuggerBUGGER.

fuck me dead. the u2 sydney gig - that's 70 000 tickets - sold out in less than 60 minutes! unfortunately i was not lucky.

abt half an hour after the gig sold, there was tickets on ebay for $3500. great. i only need to swap one of my kidneys to get a ticket...

mebbe there's still a chance tho

little things

you know what bunnies? its the little things that make the biggest difference.

i just enjoyed the most beautiful brekky purring in the morning sun and enjoying a near perfection flat white with cereal from my new beautiful coffee cup and bowl.

pleases the eye and soothes the soul i tell you.

it looks like its going to be a beautiful day today. even tho i have to head way out west to penriff. right now i'm feeling so good that i have no doubt i'll be able to cope with cityrail.

ooh, don't forget bunnies: u2 tickets come on sale today!

domestic shoppity-shop

cups and bowls and shit. yay for no more plastic plates!

i've been on a search for some plates and bowls for quite a while, but i haven't been able to find ones that i like. i wanted plain white colour, simple clear shapes and understated elegance.

today i happened to check out what victoria's basement had to offer and finally found what i wanted. s&p momo is where it's at.

jog in the sun with jay kay

such a good lil girl i am today. just came back from a 9km jog. was absolutely fantastic.

tho i have to say that spending too much time with the frenchman is not healthy. my fitness level has gone down SO much. even the slightest hill made my heart rate jump all the way upto the omg-im-going-to-have-a-heart-attack! level. not fun.

oh well, maybe i'll just swap the time i've spent with him to jogs. i think that'll be healthier and more entertaining.

the only thing i don't like abt running along the water all the way to the opera house and back is the tourists. they shit me to no end. fucken bus loads of japanese with their cameras is the last thing that i need when i'm sweating like a xmas ham in the oven.

but jay kay was there all the way whispering sweet tunes to my ears and he made it all ok.

shit. i think i burned my arms. note to self: must buy sun screen.

how could you do this to me jay kay?

i have worshipped you as a god ever since i was a stoopid lil teen girl. i paid big bucks to see you play live and let myself be hypnotised by your uber funky dance moves. you were truly amazing and nearly blew my mind. in fact, i think i need to have your bastard child.

but where jay kay, oh where was 'too young to die'?

i waited and waited and was so sure that you'd at least crank it out loud as an encore. but no. you obviously do not love me like i love you.

how could you do this to me jay kay? how could you?

hangover friday morning and then back on the horse

man. this christmas time is pretty fucken hardcore. from piss-up to the next and everyone seems to demand attention and time. which keeps me busy and entertained so it's all good.

first sunshine takes me out for lunch. which was very nice even tho he had to rush back to work.

right when i walked into the office, frenchman calls asking me out for lunch. which was a bit odd out and of the blue since i hadn't really heard anything from him since monday. i promised to accompany him for a coffee and it was alright. he seemed to be in a better mood and i copped no bs at all. apart from him being shitty abt me being too busy to see him lately.

oh well, 'serves the dog right that the bones are hard to chew'*

then after work we went for a coffee with ms pearl. gingerbread latte rocks. the first half that is . the rest was way too sweet. all the syrup must have been sitting on the bottom. after coffee it was party time again. kato joined us up at the cafe and we headed to a dodgy darling-it-hurts pub.

it was shirley's bday last night and he invited everyone from work to piss it up full on. yes. shirley is a he. apparently it has something to do with his german accent and the word 'surely'. anyhoo we got absolutely shitfaced. it was all pub feed, strongbow and being extremely loud and annoying as a group. which was of course fantastic.

frenchman rocked up with his mates and he was being all obnoxious and annoying. was shitting me a bit but then i decided i was way too drunk to give a fuck. he others comtinued clubbing so i left with him and we ended up pissing up at his place with a good bunch of his mates. which was fun.

then i got a bit bored with all the endless architect bs conversations, and started to get sleepy so i decided to fuck off home to get some sleep. then naturally he got shitty. no idea what the situation is atm. haven't heard anything from him today. oh well. as i said to him before: no drama. this table is easy to clean.

not really in the mood for any bs. i'm way too hyped up abt tonight and jamming it up while drooling after the god-like jaykay himself! wooohoooooo!

bunnies, put on 'too young to die', crank it out LOUD and jam it up with me!

(* a quick translation of a finnish saying 'oikein koiralle, että luut on kovia')

oooOOOooof...

fucken free wine.

i went out with miss pearl and pg after work yesterday. we did a commercial-contemporary arty free wine combo. we started from a fine arts auction preview and continued to the uws honours exhibition.

i blame my current throbbing headache on the fact that the guy pouring the wine at the auction preview was just in-fucken-credibly hot. although mr bear's gaydar told me to give up all hope. but i'm telling you bunnies: hot. hothotHOT.

*owwie hurty head*

we continued to woolloomoolloo to the uws honours exhibition. i saw the works already at our grad show, but it was cool seeing them in 'a real gallery'. stephen fox and daniel green kicked arse. big time. good shit.

pretty much all my teachers were there and a few fellow students as well. we continued to piss up and ended up sitting at a pub nearby with all my teachers. good times.

and man did we get pissed. i was giggling all the way home.

i was smart enough to open my curtains before i fell asleep. this morning i woke up to the most beautiful sunrise and decided to get up even before my alarm went off. practically a miracle considering the hangover and the shattering glass skull.

[grumble]

had a BAD DAY at work. but that's enough abt that. still too shitty to type abt it. boring shite anyway bunnies.

--

and from corporate whore bullshit straight into relationship bullshit. see, i wasn't supposed to be in one. 'just for fun, no emotional attachment, no promises, no expectations'. right?

wrong.

now i'm copping a relationship worth of bullshit from left and right without really having the benefits to go with it. well, not all of them anyway. i am starting to get so very tired of this.

mebbe i should do something abt it. lemme see.

--

caught up with sunshine again on my way home. stopped over for a drink and had a very satisfactional bitch. and in exchange he got a chance to mock a certain nationality. which he always seems to enjoy.

funny thing that one. good value i suppose.

--

i was supposed to go and see the bloodied cunts do a gig at the abercrombe tonight. but now i'm way too pissy to go. first the work bs and now i'm just waiting for this mountain of personal bs to crash my spirits for the rest of the night.

my only hope will be that i will have a chance to get my hands on some spirits before that. that might numb it down to the pointing and laughing level. mind you that might not be beneficial for keeping the peace.

fuck peace. yeah.

from dieting to ghosts via sodomy and necrophilia

grh. i think i've been taking this 'starving artist' bs a lil bit too literally since i graduated. i can tell you bunnies that porridge for brekky, lunch and dinner get's old pretty fucken fast.

oh well, 'involuntary dieting' brings great results and i'll be wearing bikinis in no time.

'...always look on the bright side of life
[insert here pathetic attempts to whistle the tune]
always look on the light side of life...'

in other words: counting hrs to pay day on sat. oh yes, there will be a feast.

--

which reminds me: i saw the best tagline ever on the paper the other day.

'SAW II - oh yes, there will be blood...'

pissed myself laughing. i had to sms it to sunshine straight away cause i just knew that he'd appreciate it as much as i did.

--

speaking of sunshine, he went apeshit when i mentioned sunday's incident with the french driving. it's prolly best not to quote him here but the message was something along the lines of sodomy and necrophilia considering a certain nationality. yeh. not perty.

kinda cute that he cares tho. i do hold my fuckwits dear even once i'm done with them.

--

ooh, speaking of ghosts from the past: dui (my dear flatmate on campus for 2 yrs) smssed me last week and invited me out for drinkies with him and the boys at newtown. sure enough i got on the train and was giggling over a glass of white in no time.

even tho i hardly ever see dui we still keep in touch, but the ghost from the past in this case was phoenix (was pretty much my best mate for the second year) who i haven't really heard anything of since our lil falling out lil less than a year ago.

it was really good seeing both of them again. phoenix called me after i got home and we agreed to do a proper catch up soon since there's almost a year worth of ground to cover. i think it sounds like a very good idea.

yet another ordinary day in the world of shoeboxes

last night i had to witness a not-so-flattering event in the frenchman's life.

we were going out for dinner and the plan was to catch up with a couple of his mates on the way. well, we did. the shitty part was that 'catching up' is french for 'an excuse to drink lots of wine'. which as such is all cool and groovy. but. BUT. the problem comes in when you add the french idea of 'sober enough to drive'.

fucktard.

he got done in for drink driving on our way home and i was so incredibly embarassed to be in the car to witness the event. i can't believe i was stupid enough to get in the car in the first place.

he started his misbehaving a day early. he received his australian citizenship today. i'll still call him frenchman.

you can get the guy out of france but you can never get the french out of the poor bastard.

still a fucktard.

friday, bloody friday

drama drama drama.

gah. thank fucken hell my uni bs is over already so that i am slowly starting to gain the necessary energy needed for dealing with ppl bs.

won't bore you bunnies with details but it's revolving around the ever so familiar topic of double standards. i can't even begin to explain how fucken frustrating it is to have someone expecting you to deal with unnecessary bs yet not willing to cop the same in return. grh.

you know, i think this shit is very simple and clear:

[1] you can't ask for something you wouldn't be willing to do yourself
[2] you can't do something that you wouldn't want to receive

simple? i think so. yet again and again i find that people just expect to play with two sets of rules. fuck that.

--

on a happier note: saturday week is jamiroquai! can't wait!

today i also heard that u2 is doing a gig in sydney next march. that's a third must see in lil over half a year (first was of course nine inch nails a few months ago).

exhausted

ex·haust
v. ex·haust·ed, ex·haust·ing, ex·hausts
v. tr.

1. to wear out completely.
   
2. to drain of resources or properties.
3. to use up completely.
4. to treat completely.
5. to draw out the contents of.
6. to let out or draw off.

[dictionary.com]

sorry abt the long radio silence bunnies. but i have been. and still am. exhausted that is. the last month has been incredibly draining and i still have a lil bit more to go before i can kick start the maintenance process and repair what's left.

so here's just a few short snippets to tell you the most important bits.

--

friday was great. i had my work all set up on time. and the best part was to be able to sneak in with the random visitors and observe their reactions without them realising that i was the 'artist' in question. most of the ppl just cracked up. some of them didn't realise what they were watching. and of course, some were slightly offended. the best reaction i witnessed was by a couple in their mid 30's.

[a couple walked into the space, looked at the projection for a little while after which the content obviously dawned in on them. she turns around to walk out with a very displeased look on her face...]

she: 'some people are just sick!'

[he looks a bit confused. looks at her, glances at the projection, looks at her walking out and finally decides to follow her. ]

he: 'ummm.... but... but... i like the colours...?'

[once again i choke on my wine in the background]

--

this made my day yesterday.

--

i've been a sick lil puppy since friday.

all this stressing ended up causing a weekend of nauseousness and suffering endless non-stop stomach cramps. (nonono... don't look at me like that. i know what you think, but i'm telling you it wasn't just hangover!)

on monday morning the frenchman got me convinced into seeing a doctor about it. i hate quacks and wouldn't see one unless i was dying. but his entire family are friggen doctors and he was very persistent. ( i dare say just very tired of my whinging)

so i went.

first thing she asks is if i was preggers. after i told her to fuck off she started to examine the damage. she gave me pills. 'pop one before every meal and you'll be fine in no time.' right. well. the bloody package told me nothing abt the drug or what it did. so i googled it:

indications and clinical uses :
in the management of manifestations of psychotic disorders such as agitation, confusion, delusion, tension and anxiety.

it is also effective in controlling nausea and vomiting due to stimulation of the chemoreceptor trigger zone.

in selected patients, prochlorperazine may be of value for the relief of excessive anxiety, accompanied by severe tension and agitation, associated with psychoneurotic or somatic conditions.

. . . W T F ? ! ?

full artist portfolio online

just a quick note to those bunnies who know me irl: as a part of my grad show work i published my 'artist' portfolio online.

in case you're interested to have a look the address is www.firstnamelastname.com

and here's another one to save your day...

certain cases of mouth cancer appear to be caused by a virus that can be contracted during oral sex, a swedish study shows ... "you should avoid having oral sex," dentist and researcher kerstin rosenquist, who headed the study, told swedish news agency tt.

article at smh

a lil treat for you male bunnies...

a rugby fan who cut out his testicles with wire cutters to mark a wales victory is at a loss to explain why he did it.

"it wasn't a bet but i said i'd cut my b*lls off if we won ... so i started hacking away at my tackle ... it took about 10 minutes and there was quite a bit of pain but i just kept going ... the cutters were blunt so i had to keep snipping."

article at smh

where did that weekend go?

friday is getting closer and closer. *panic*

must: finish video. author dvd. build gallery space. paint gallery space. set up dvd player, projector, speakers. write an essay. create a graduate portfolio. and and and...

* P A N I C *

but after friday i'm a very happy de-stressed lil chicky.

no sunshine for grad show tho. the fuckwit is busy doing some other shit. promised to marinade him in cheap white wine for that one. and maybe punch. in the face. hard.

even so, grad show should be pretty sweet. a bunch of my work mates are planning to make the hike. frenchman has promised to come and take care of photography. also, i managed to book mr. pinstripe for some good quality pissing up. well, almost. he's driving. but i'm hoping that he'll go hard core once we continue the party in the city. he fucken better. after all, it is My Very Big Night.

which reminds me: i finally got my ladies back! mr. pinstripe came by yesterday to return my lovely ladies and brought me some new music too. such a good boy he is. our taste in music (and movies) is very similar and he is always introducing me to some new good quality tunes.

i gave him a tour around the place and he was pretty impressed by my beautiful lil batchelorette haven.

it was very good to catch up tho we still had to postpone the real hard core piss-up of a catch up. should be booked in as soon as we both finish uni bs for this year.

interesting fact for monday morning

a study conducted by ucla's department of psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. for example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

however, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his arse while he is on fire. further studies in this area have been cancelled.

email educated by swingingsusan

such a good girl i am

frame 27-02 from Milking The Cow

finally. finished printing the last of my Milking The Cow frames on wednesday. and what's even better, i got all the 120 images scanned in too.

now all the rest of the work that needs to be done (apart from building the damn projection space) can be done right here at home, sitting in front of my cranky lil lovable baby. i love my comp.

you know what bunnies? i think i might be able to pull this off after all...

when the alarm went off this morning, the first thing i saw was a very concerned looking half asleep frenchman. he talks to me in a serious voice. he says:

"can you imagine the powers that could be unleashed if someone got their hands on the hat or the locket?"

me? i crack up. freak.

funny that

i have to tell you bunnies, that my dear mates are at least as fucked up as this soap opera called my life.

the most recent fucked up plot twist is that a very good friend of mine has decided to write a script based on my fucked up adventures. i can only guess which juicy and embarrassing bits get written in and how my wonderful fuckwit men are portrayed in it.

but to be honest, i can't wait to read how she decides end the story. heh.

silly bridget!

i was not aware that you can compress so much embarrassment into such a short time and space. yes bunnies, i went to a dance class.

see, i used to dance when i was a stupid lil teen shit. i used to dance, perform and even compete. did a pretty decent job at it too. i wasn't anything great, but i did alright and i had a great time doing it.

then, 13 yrs passed.

now, in the sad present day i'm just old, stiff and look friggen ridiculous. was not fun. i dare say i'll stick to my jogs to the opera house and back. much better work out with much less embarrassment. besides, it's free and you see hotties instead of sweaty fat unco arses all around you.

grad show invite

(invite front)

(invite back)

old, boring and conservative?

domestic shit. not really my field. in fact this whole lack of nest building instinct makes it extremely uncomfortable to try to gather all the necessary crap around me. why doesn't The Home just exist as a readymade?

i have a theory. i've prolly mentioned this before, but just in case you're a new bunny and haven't been exposed to my genious yet: i must have been queuing for the dunny while they were handing out nest building instincts and biological clocks and when i got back the only thing left was the excess pairs of balls *shrugs*

fuck shopping for bloody coffee mugs.

yeh well, back to the real world. i had to. so i did. quilt covers and sheets too. but the funny thing was that after i was done, i was surprised by how conservative my choises were.

my new sheets are white on white. very minimal and plain. traditional milk shake glasses for smoothies, white plain coffee mugs and the most traditional espresso stove pot you can find. i wonder what that's all abt?

it seems that the more fucked up my mind and creativity gets, the less i have the need to reflect it around me in anything other than my artworks (or drunken conversations). contrary to what i was as a troubled lil teen angst shit, i don't have the need to dye my hair in all the colours of the rainbow just to scream out that i am an individual. i dun need to dress up in second hand rags to spell out that i am an [A]rtist with a [S]oul.

fuck having a soul. i'm one half corporate whore and one half pathetic wanna-be-artist. of course with my luck i've ended up being soulless and poor instead of having money and a heart. heh.

in fact, the older i get the more pathetic and ridiculous all that seems. all i can think is that ppl should just get over themselves.

maybe i should get over myself, quit this fucken whinging and go shopping like the good lil girl i am. *deep sigh*

perty new baby

fuck renting a fridge. had enough shit with the rental places and instead of fiddling around with them i went and bought my own. much easier.

xcept for the delivery bit. heh. just a hint bunnies, a sporty coupe-type bmw is NOT the best vehicle when fridge hunting. did the job tho. and now my perty new lil bar fridge is purring in my lil kitchen just waiting for me to fill her with goon.

let the summer begin!

ok, now it's officially summer season for this lil girly!

yesterday i tested out my roof top pool and today i made my first smoothie for this summer. join in on the fun:

1/2 mango
banana
(soy) milk
coconut & pineapple juice

blend it well and i can tell you bunnies, that it's even better if you combine it with bikinis and sun by the pool...

i think this shall be the best summer in sydney yet!

"the most exciting thing is not doing it. if you fall in love with someone and never do it, it's much more exciting."

-andy warhol

friday morning giggles

soooo perty

you know what bunnies? having a kick arse view makes even early cloudy mornings more bearable. borderline beautiful. join me for a cup of coffee, will you?

finally got rid of the pathetic 56k modem i've been using for the past 4 months and now that i have my own place, i upgraded to adsl2+. better than sex i tell you. ...well, you know. almost.

even tho i'm still missing most of the compulsory shit (no fridge, no desk, no micro...) i have the essentials: big uber-comfy mattress on the floor and my baby is connected with a kick arse broadband connection. yay.

--

disgustingly romantic smssing:

frenchman: 'where are you cunt?'
tp: 'none of your business wankface.'
frenchman: 'you ROK!'
tp: 'i know.'

--

this shit cracked me up. [via]

sum of my own experience

"if a man accepts that everything must change, then his life is reduced to nothing more than the sum of his own experience - past and future generations mean nothing to him."

- michel houellebecq

for some reason that quote just seemed to sum up my own view of the world pretty fucken well.

--

went to uni today and had lunch with a couple of my uni mates. i think i was having a whinge and a bitch abt something when one of them cracked up going:

"hang on... you actually call him 'frenchman' in real life? and i thought it was just a nickname for the blog!"

heh. they thought it made him sound like a toy. i never really looked at it that way. kinda funny. no wonder frenchman hates the fact that i never call him by his real name.

[eject]

had a bit of a freakout the other morning.

(pointless detail: the frenchman makes snoozing into an artform. this particular man has THE most loud and annoying alarm clock. the first time i heard it i nearly got a heart attack. frenchman? he doesn't even flinch. that friggen thing can scream for half an hour and he doesn't do a thing to silence it. grh.)

back to the story. spent the night (once again) at frenchman's place and in the morning i woke up before he did. i had already dressed up and had my brekky before he got up. i was feeling a bit weird the whole morning and then suddenly, just as he stepped into the shower, i snapped.

[insert here a sound of a dry twig snapped into half]

without a word, i just gathered my shit and walked out. all i could hear was a '...heyheyHEY!?!' from the shower as he heard the sound of the door. i got into the lift before he had a chance to stop me. the phone kept ringing all the way down (VERY slow elevator) and the neighbour sharing the ride gave me funny looks.

it was quite hilarious really. me marching down the street in my girly skirt and high heels with a nekkid frenchman hanging out of the 8th floor window screaming 'OI! where the fuck are you going?' after me. i turned around, waved with a grin and fucked off.

i wonder what that was abt? all i can offer as an explanation is that i suddenly just experienced this really strong realisation that i don't belong there. and i just had to eject myself right away.

[insert here the sound of pressing
the eject button on an old c-cassette player]

i guess i am a bit of a weirdo.

losing it again bunnies

i can't stress this enough: boredom is dangerous. extremely dangerous.

last weekend i chopped my hair off and bleached it. now it's very short, very messy and very VERY blond. feel all girly and summery again. and perhaps entertained for a lil while. which is fantastic.

yesterday, the frenchman shows up at my door with three pages of printed out blonde jokes. fuckwit. looks like he is enjoying my new look as much as i am... just in a lil bit different way.

note to self: must get even somehow. oh well, the french are an easy target. plenty of material to choose from.

--

morning was supposed to be efficient and good: sleep a bit longer than usually, doll up, receive a fridge at 10am and fuck off to work. sounds simple enough, right? wrong.

during my daily morning clothes crisis i managed to pour an entire half a litre "mug" of coffee into my shirt drawer. fuck. don't ask me how it happened. no matter how many times i play the scenario in my head, it still doesn't quite add up. but it did happen. needless to say i'm wearing black today. and leaving a seductive coffee trace behind me where ever i go.

then while dolling up my fucken bathroom ceiling lamp just falls down. missing my head by an inch or so. (fair enuff, i guess it could have been worse and actually hit me in the head and knock me out...) so there it is, my friggen ceiling lamp, dangling mid-air. fuckity-fuck.

then the fridge boys show up. hour and a half late and bringing a friggen full size fridge instead of the bar fridge that i had ordered. bloody fucken hell. there was no way it was going to fit into my cute lil kitchen and the guy has the nerves to suggest that i should leave it there in the middle of the floor. nearly punched him.

need chocolate. and caffeine. lots of both.