Thursday, January 26, 2006

posting spam again

i found some of these mildly amusing. blame it on the lack of caffeine, but i'm posting them for you bunnies too...

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DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
  • 40-ish = 49.
  • adventurous = slept with everyone.
  • athletic = no breasts
  • average looking = moooo.
  • beautiful = pathological liar.
  • emotionally secure = on medication.
  • feminist = fat
  • free spirit = junkie
  • friendship first = former slut.
  • new-age = body hair in the wrong places.
  • old-fashioned = no bjs.
  • open-minded = desperate
  • outgoing = loud and embarrassing.
  • professional = bitch
  • voluptuous = very fat
  • hugh frame = hugely fat
  • wants soul mate = stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
  • yes = no
  • no = yes
  • maybe = no
  • we need = i want
  • i am sorry - you'll be sorry
  • we need to talk = you're in trouble
  • sure, go ahead = you better not
  • do what you want = you will pay for this later
  • i am not upset = of course, i am upset, you moron!
  • you're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:
  • i am hungry = i am hungry
  • i am sleepy = i am sleepy
  • i am tired = i am tired
  • nice dress = nice cleavage!
  • i love you = let's have sex now
  • i am bored = do you want to have sex?
  • may i have this dance? = i'd like to have sex with you.
  • can i call you sometime? = i'd like to have sex with you.
  • do you want to go to a movie? = i'd like to have sex with you.
  • can i take you out to dinner? = i'd like to have sex with you.
  • i don't think those shoes go with that outfit - i'm gay

2 comments:

skribe said...

This is a legit personal ad seen in our local rag:

GUY, 19YO, BLONDE, BLUE
eyes, Marilyn Monroe
lookalike, couldn't get a job,
plays 2 instruments, sks
female to drive on freeway.
Likes Phantom of Opera &
Candle in the Window by Elton
John. I live SOR.

tp said...

wow. and i thought that the messages i was getting were fucked up...