south coast rok big time

as much as i love sydney, fuck its good to get away every now and then. especially when - like this time - you happen to score the perfect weather for a weekend by the beach.

deviant took me four hours down the coast for a late bday celebration with his family. which naturally meant fishing, piss-up and most of all the beach.

the weather was seriously spoiling us and i just pranced around in my luvly new bikinis pretty much the entire time... also, managed to provide the ladies with a lil bit too much sun and now my poor titties are lobster red and sore as all hell. not good.

on the first night there we were visited by a few very hungry and equally adorable possums. apart from them being cute as all hell, i am still enough of a tourist to get excited abt the hairy lil oz natives.

what made it especially cool was that the mummy on the rail here had a lil baby in it's pouch. now i have to admit that i don't know what to call the lil one... a baby roo is called a 'joey' but i'm not sure if a possum baby has such a default name?

--

you know the way every tv-show always has the comic sidekick? well, as far as our trips and piss-ups go, that's citronella. and fuck he does it well.

on saturday we went for a long walk along the beach to get to this specific fishing spot. the walk takes about an hour but the scenery was stunning and the spot was good so it was worth it.

we got to the spot and the men fished until sunset. when it started to get darker, we packed up and headed back towards the car hoping to make the whole one hour walk back before it gets too dark.

we were all pretty much buggered from the long walk in as well as spending the entire day in the sun fishing (or in my case going seriously snap happy). after walking for 10 minutes or so citronella started having some serious drama with the long walk ahead of us and suddenly decides to take a shortcut heading straight into the bush. yeh, not good.

abt 10 mins later the rest of us come to a clearing and he's nowhere to be seen. we sit and wait for him and start to get a lil bit worried since we can't see him and he's not answering our calls.

after waiting for a good 15-20 minutes we really start to get worried and plan what to do in case he's tripped on something and knocked himself unconscious somewhere in the thick bush around us.

just when we are getting both really pissed off and worried, he suddenly emerges all scratched and fucked up from the middle of the thickest part of the bush. before we had a chance to tell him off - and keep in mind that we were worried sick and seeing him still alive and relatively well turned all the worried energy into homicidal rage - he just goes "well, that sure wasn't the fastest way!" and nonchalantly marches past us to continue along the beach.

fuck i cracked up. i mean, you can't even be angry with this fuckwit. he's just too fucken funny.

we were keen on getting back as soon as possible and admittedly were walking pretty fast. poor citronella didn't agree with the fast pace at all and for the rest of the walk he was just ranting, raving and whinging on non-stop about - and i quote - "what a drama i'm having!" poor bugger.

later on we were sitting indoors enjoying a glass of laphroaig being all civilised and shit when citronella storms into the cabin. "well, i just did something i have never done before... i pissed on a kangaroo!" and after a lil think he continues "that was cool. i'm gonna go and do it again!"

bunnies, this man is truly an asset.

i have to tell you: there is nothing quite like seeing a six-foot-five giggling drunken bastard running around the camping ground with a beer in one hand and his cock in the other, chasing roos trying to piss on them.

absolutely priceless.

iggy & tom - coffee and cigarettes

fuck me jarmusch is brilliant.

somewhere in california
iggy pop & tom waits
from coffee and cigarettes (dir. jim jarmusch)

chocolate makes the world a better place

grh. got home and stuffed half a block of fazer blue chocolate down my throat, fetched my credit card and got the bloody tickets. so now i've got tickets to both field day and muse. mebbe it's not such a bad day after all...

quite excited abt field day actually. both the presets and crazy penis are playing. joy.


muse:

crazy penis:


the presets:

fuckshitfuck

this is just so not my day.

--the morning.
great news: deviant calls telling me that muse is doing another gig in syd and the tickets are on sale. yay. so online i go buying the tickets.

*pa-pow*

the gig is on the same date as the bloodymotherfucking tool gig, so its a no go. grrr.


--walk to work
walk to the coffee shop to get my morning coffee.

*pa-pow*

i realise that i left my wallet home >> no money >> no coffee


--office part 1
decide to get two tickets anyway and get someone else to go with me. sit in front of my comp, surf to the ticketek site to buy tickets.

*pa-pow*

no wallet >> no credit card >> no muse tickets. growl.


--office part 2
email/message/call my mates to see if anyone would be interested in going to the gig and would have a credit card handy.

*pa-pow*

find out that all my friggen mates are going to the tool gig so they can't come to the muse gig.

--

as a bonus the tool ticket incident with deviant seems to drag on as a day-long sms fight that makes everything just that little bit worse.

in fact, this entire day has been a full on fucken abortion and i am quite convinced i should have fucken stayed in bed.

motherfuck!

somebody fetch the baseball bat so that i can do the bitch-on-a-homicidal-rampage-thingie.

[insert here a heart attack]

less booze, more health health health. fuck. went for a run by the beach with deviant today (no, he refused to run topless). i died. and he just fucken caned on. was not fair.

need longer legs. and a new pair of lungs. also, a new liver wouldn't go a stray...

speaking of business ideas, i can't wait for them to come up with off the counter hot-swap-livers.

supermassive black hole alright...

fuck. what a weekend. i feel like i need another one just to survive from saturday.

was pissed off to start with, which didn't really help. deviant confessed that he had got himself a ticket to the tool gig without getting me one. cunt. was NOT impressed. so yeh there was a world of rammstein and nin cranked out LOUD while dolling up. *growl*

my old flattie dui had a rooftop party and 'pretty much everyone we know' was attending. got sloshed, nearly punched deviant in the face, made up while still agreeing that he in fact was a cunt, drank some more, stole every ciggie i could see while knowing that it was a bad idea, felt sick and smoke some more, drank some more, took a cab home. all in all a great night out.

i might have been a bad girl and missing out on most of the piss-ups with my mates recently, but when i show up i *really* do put the effort in. fuck half arsed drinkies. if you do it, you might aswell do it properly. or so i thought on saturday. wasn't quite as convinced when i woke up on sunday morning. but that's a whole other story.

on sunday deviant went for a fish at sunset. when we arrived there was this wanna-be-stud teaching a couple of asian chicks how to fish. heh. we rock up and deviant catches a squid on his first cast. of course the chicks (who apparently hadn't been able to catch fuck all) run in to worship 'the real man' and the poor fucker who had been working on it all day lost all his bushman points straight away. so funny.

plus the calamari rings were delicious too.

today i've been grilling my fluorescent white arse in the sun by the pool (well, the imprint of the bikinis is still just as white) while typing away my exegesis. nothing quite like getting your tits out in the sun to provide that lil edge to your academic bs...

muse rok

muse - supermassive black hole is my fav track atm. strongly recommended bunnies...

spoiled rotten part 198

deviant came back on monday so i've been a very happy lil chicky for the past couple of days.

before he came back, he teased me over email telling me that he got me prezzies and of course refused to tell me what it was. all he said was that he got 'some kiwiana for a finnish princess'.

he gave me two lil parcels, first one containing a pair of beautiful round jade stud earrings and the second revealing this gorgeous jade carving pendant.

the shape is a traditional maori design named 'eternity' and there was a little note with it explaining the meaning of the design:

'eternity - the soft curves and crossover form symbolises from beginning to eternity in life and relationships'

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm being spoiled rotten. but i'm loving every second of it. such a good man he is.

those groovy ducks rock my world!

[via]

a new era?

rightio bunnies and possums,

life between the shoeboxes has now started using blogger beta with all the new cool gadgets and thing-a-magics. let's see if it's worth the hassle.

as i transfered over, i lost my old template so i had to modify the look of the page a little. also, i lost the links that were hardcoded on the old layout. will put them up soon again tho.

lucid dreaming

i prolly haven't ranted on about this before, but i am a lucid dreamer. it's not something that i have learned to do on purpose, but instead i always have been ever since i can remember. this has not always been a pleasant experience and especially as a kid it was rather daunting and even traumatic.

for those who are not familiar with the phenomenon, lucid dreaming is dreaming while being consciously aware of the fact that you are dreaming and often in control of your dream.

"lucid dreaming is the conscious perception of one's state while dreaming, resulting in a much clearer ("lucid") experience and usually enabling direct control over the content of the dream. the complete experience from start to finish is called a lucid dream. ...defined ... as "dreaming while knowing that you are dreaming."
...
although clear and consistent knowledge is difficult to find among the many interpretations of the experience — especially considering its highly subjective nature — the validity of lucid dreaming as a scientifically verified phenomenon is well-established."

[wikipedia - lucid dreaming]

lucid dreaming as most of the vividly recalled dreams happens in the rem (rapid eye movement) state of the sleep. in rem sleep the entire body apart from eyes is paralysed. the typical lucid dreamer is not supposed to be encumbered by the sensory system of the body but instead free to explore the world of the mind with a perspective not available while awake.

my problem is that when i realise that i am dreaming i also become very acutely aware of my physical body. i can feel the position of my body lying down in the bed, the pillow under my head, the sheets touching my sking and the weight of the doona on me. and if i am sleeping next to someone i am aware of their presense as i can feel them beside me and hear their breathing.

last night again started with some rather unpleasant lucid dreaming. instead of taking control of the sleep, i get too focused on my physical body. the rain drumming on my window got mixed in the dream giving it a very dark undertone and instead of engaging with the dream using my mind i tend to try to use my physical body and the feeling of being paralysed is far from pleasant. most of the times my dreams end up with me forcing myself awake. and this was no exception.

i got up and walked towards the kitchen feeling a little wobbly. by the time i walked past the mirror i noticed how warped everything seemed and i realised that it was a bloody false awakening instead of the real thing. i got pissed off and started stomping my foot repeating 'wake up you dumb cunt, wake up wake up WAKE UP!' after running around the place for a while going apeshit trying to wake myself up i finally managed to do so for real and found myself once again lying down in my bed.

it was only 5am but i had no desire to go back to sleep anymore so instead i googled up lucid dreaming. after reading a few websites raving on the positive aspects of lucid dreaming and how everyone who knows how to do it describes it as the most wonderful experience of their life. after reading how some people use it to realise their sexual fantasies not possible in real life, i was inspired enough to give it another go. if they can turn it positive then so fucken can i.

i went back to bed for a few hours and surprisingly managed to have a positive lucid dream. when i fell asleep i was aware of the dream straight away and instead of giving away to the panic of feeling paralysed, i told myself to calm down and go with it. and it was great.

no i didn't end up having a mass orgy or anything cause i was too swept away by flying around and through things and flying into class rooms through the walls being invisible and picking up the teachers white board marker and drawing big cunt symbols on the walls while the class cracked up and the teacher watched in panic.

i think next time i will try to come up with some ideas for artworks...

first draft of exegesis 90% done (raw text 9k/10k) - 2 days to go.
video work finished.

little parcel of happiness

nothing is better than receiving a post package from home.

mum sent me shitloads of finnish candy along with mätitahna (fish egg/kaviar paste), hotchocolate-powder (dairy free) and two bags.

i don't know how long you've been reading my rants, but there is a history behind the kitty bag that makes it oh so much sweeter to recieve this one from mum

see, i used to have a kitty bag. since i couldn't find one that i liked (they were all too plasticky, busy and pink) i designed and made one myself. it was wonderful and i loved it with all my heart. then i got robbed (well burgled) in newtown and some worthless piece of shit ran off with my priceless kitty bag and all of its contents.

about a year ago my mum visited austria on business and emailed me afterwards that she had found the best bday gift for me but that instead of sending it wanted to give it to me the next time i visited home. since i was unable to visit home this year and was pestering her for sending me finnish candy, she now remembered the gift and included it in the parcel.

mums rok big time.

kitty bag resurrected:

its boring times bunnies

i've been squeezing every ounce of creativity in me into my exegesis and lately there has been none left for anything or anyone else.

deviant is still in nz and returning on monday. the reason i've been so busy is that i want to get the first draft of my exegesis ready the day before.

to relieve this state of boredom, i had a massive night out at an exhibition opening yesterday. took miss pearl and bella with me.

i ended up drinking with a random crowd of artists, lecturers, students and piss-heads and thank gawd couldn't remember their names for the life of me.

xcept an sca lecturer ranting on about experimenting with viagra. that shit was just too funny to forget. and jon wah snogging an older male artist after i introduced them. fucken priceless i tell you. good one. also, i think i was teaching some finnish swearing to an asian chicky with a voice like bjork's.

also, i think i promised to appear in some shortfilm as 'the loud drunk one' as well as had a heated argument with a lecturer of mine on 'corporate cock' vs. 'THE corporate cock'. there was lots of foot stomping until he claimed that it was in fact his language and that i should just stfu. did. and got another drink.

the funny thing was that after being very loud, rude and obnoxiosly drunk all night (yesyes, very ladylike indeed), this one charming young man asks if he had heard correctly that i 'had a partner' cause otherwise he'd be interested in asking me out. both honestly surprised and flattered i thanked for the compliment and took it as my cue to go home.

all good fun. xcept waking up this morning. owwie.

sweet dreams are made of this...

quoting a mate: '...i think something died with that doll!'

first draft of exegesis 85% done (raw text 8.5k/10k) - 5 days to go.
video work finished.

while you are away | my heart comes undone | slowly unravels | in a ball of yarn | the devil collects it | with a grin | our love | in a ball of yarn | he'll never return it | so when you come back | we'll have to make new love | björk - unravel

crikey. its a sad day.

tip for mac using bunnies

this lil app has seriously made my mornings just that little bit better.

as an application, alarm clock is very simple: at the set time, it starts playing your choice of music starting very quietly and building up the volume slowly until it becomes loud enough to wake the user up.

the trick is, that this lil thing can wake-up your macbook from sleep and turn it on at the time of the alarm.

i can't begin to tell you what a difference there is between waking up gently and slowly to the pleasant tunes of air - la femme d'argent instead of the brutal and sudden screaming of my phone alarm.

the music seems to bring your consciousness up slowly until you are ready to wake-up, where as the normal alarm just jerks you from dreamland to harsh reality with no cushioning what so ever.


warmly recommended bunnies!

too much thesis not enough fun

you know you've been working too hard when you continue working after you fall asleep.

not good.

for the first half of the night i was forming sentences for my thesis and the latter half i had a very unpleasant dream. not quite a nightmare but not far from one either.

you know when in your dream you go through a scenario you fear in real life? it gets even worse when its a 'reality dream' - a dream so realistic that it doesn't feel like a dream at all. so yeh, i woke up all fucked up and confused and not in my bestest of moods at the moment.

i think i need a cup of coffee and a mind clarifying run. hopefully that'll do the trick.

also, i think i'm having lunch today with the finnish chickie who knocked my drink over at my local a couple of months ago. that should be fun.

time for a lil break

fuck i've been a good lil chicky today!

i started my day with a mind clarifying jog and after that spent an hour or so reading welsh's ecstasy by my roof top pool in bikinis trying to soften out the tan lines i got while running. the water felt too cold for me to jump in quite yet, but it was a beautiful hot day otherwise.

the rest of the day has gone by with a glass of white and my exegesis. i was finally able to create a proper working file for it. now i have a clear idea of the structure of the document as well as balancing out the different parts to right proportions.

now i'm just too overwhelmed by all of it to continue working on it anymore tonight. i need to get the document printed out and start blowing holes into it with a red pen.

the text is still very much raw and far from the final polished goal, but its a start and a good one too me thinks.

join me for a glass of white, will ya? now if only deviant was here to snuggle up to and watch a film with, this would be a perfect day.

first draft of exegesis 76% done (raw text 7.6k/10k) - 8 days to go.

first draft of exegesis 72% done (raw text 7.2k/10k) - 8 days to go.

musica

today, as i was going through my ipod to find some music to listen to during my run, i came across prodigy's experience album. i had managed to forget how brilliant it was. it made me think of music in general while running.

see, in the years 87-89, the first three albums (good ol' c-cassetes) that i bought were michael jackson - bad, alice cooper - trash and technotronic - pump up the jam. so my taste in music really could have gone to any possible direction.

however, it was prodigy - experience in 1992 that blew my fragile lil brain and shaped my taste in music for the last 10 years that i spent in finland.

i became a full on lil raver chicky and between 93-99 i dragged my arse to any raves available starting from the illegal warehouse ones set up in the middle of the dodgy industrial districts and carrying through to the massive commercial ones that ended up fading my interest to the rave culture as such.

the last big rave event that i took part in was love parade 99 in berlin. while i had the best time ever at the lp98, lp99 sucked balls big time.

from then on i was more into clubbing and groovy tunes to wriggle my body to.

the funny thing was that i never got into the candy raving thing. i still to this day have never popped a pill or done any other common party scene drugs. not that i'd have anything morally against it or that they wouldn't have been available. i just never felt the need for it. alcohol, caffeine and sugar seem to fuck me up just fine.

also, iam aware of the fact that i've inherited a rather fragile brain chemistry. having been on anti-depressants once was enough. i have no desire to fuck with my poor lil brain now that its even somewhat working.

mind you, this whole being an artist and not doing drugs sorta makes me feel like a bit of a cop-out. i mean, i am expected to destroy this body of mine both physically and mentally in record time, right? i guess i just have to go twice as hard with the booze...

oh, back to the music.

once i arrived in sydney, my taste in music has grown alongside myself and now covers pretty much everything as long as its NOT rnb, rap or post-millenium hiphop (old skool from late 70s to mid 90s still does it for me).

in fact, my taste in music is so broad that it feels impossible to answer when someone asks what i like. all i can really say is to list the last few albums to visit my itunes playlist.

so right now, i like: air - moon safari, prodigy - experience, eskimo joe - black fingernails red wine, black label society - mafia and nine inch nails - halo 02 pretty hate machine (the last 5 played albums according to itunes)

spring

tell you what bunnies, this must be by far my favourite time of the year.

you know those days when you can clearly see that winter has already given up and the spring is taking you step by step towards summer. a beautiful hot sunny summer.

every day, you can feel that it's just that little bit warmer, the sun shines just that little bit brighter and the days are getting just that little bit longer. every single day.

today was the first day when it was warm enough to run in hot pants instead of the normal long pants. since i'm not a beach person, this is the only way i'll get a healthy colour on me really. so it's a very good thing and this is a very good day.

now i feel great and can get back to editing my video.

today, i'm a good girl.