friday giggles

"the questions below about australia, are from potential visitors. they were posted on an australian tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

q: will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (usa)
a: depends how much you've been drinking.

q: can you give me some information about hippo racing in australia? (usa)
a: a-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of europe. aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in kings cross. come naked.

q: which direction is north in australia? (usa)
a: face south and then turn 180 degrees. contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

q: can you send me the vienna boys' choir schedule? (usa)
a: aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. sure, the vienna boys choir plays every tuesday night in kings cross, straight after the hippo races. come naked.

q: please send a list of all doctors in australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (usa)
a: rattlesnakes live in a-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. all australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

q: i have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. can you tell me where i can sell it in Australia? (usa)
a: anywhere significant numbers of americans gather

q: i was in australia in 1969 on r+r, and i want to contact the girl i dated while i was staying in kings cross. can you help? (usa)
a: yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour

q: will i be able to speak english most places i go? (usa)
a: yes, but you'll have to learn it first"

- from google groups: alt.nuke.the.usa [via]