impressed

nearly forgot to rant about my yesterday's positive surprise.

as i already mentioned, i had my first day at the new job.

the incredible thing was, that as i arrived at 9:00am, everything - and i mean absolutely everything - was set up ready to go. never before in my life have i seen such a miracle happen.

there was my desk ready, computer set up, a working phone line, email and all the programs needed installed ready for me to start working. i even had a bloody email signature with correct information!

i couldn't believe it. these guys are good!

lil bit of this and lil bit of that

oops. i think i managed to stir up a fair bit of shit with my foaming in the mouth rant the other day. i've received quite a few 'wtf?!?' messages from ppl who thought i was addressing them. silly bunnies. you are still in the good books.

--

had my first day at the new job yesterday. i'm doing two jobs part time at the moment hoping that i will impress the new company within the next couple of week so throughly that they'll offer me a full time job.

had a great day actually, i was really busy from the moment i walked in. there's everything to do from scratch, the ppl were really nice and the day went very quickly.

the only issue i had with it was working in an open office with a chicky with the most annoying laugh in the world. think you know someone with an awful laugh? think again. this was agony. and constant too.

if they hire me full time i'll buy kick arse headphones and crank out tool to keep her laughter from interfering with my universe.

--

oh also, i got somewhat inspired by a recent comment on breakup and came up with this formula. what do you think bunnies?

((H*B)-(xH*xB)) + D*V + I
------------------------- * w = S
            m

H = your hotness
B = your brains
xH = ex's hotness
xB = ex's brains
D = dirt involved in the breakup
V = the extent of her vindictiveness
I = the degree of her intoxication
m = relationship months
w = weeks since breakup
S = your likelyhood to score

good shit

i don't think i've been this inspired by porcelain since i first encountered jeff koons! justin novak bunnies. give him a go. [via]

remedy for creative constipation

is there anything better in this world than a brand new luxurious sketchbook just waiting to withhold all your silly lil scribbles?

i went to an art supply store with miss pearl today in order to score some shit for work, but i ended up walking out with a sketchbook of my own.

i used to have one yrs ago when i was preparing to leave finland and i luveded it. i carried it everywhere i went and scribbled/wrote/glued in absolutely everything to document what was happening in my life at that stage. i dare say its one of my most priced possessions.

i plan to draw something in my book every day. i think this is the new year's resolution i didn't make.

i reckon the past honours year caused me creative constipation more than anything else. so uninspiring you wouldn't believe it was art school! mebbe this lil black book will help me get over it.

speaking of which, all you arty bunnies out there: make sure you watch the movie art school confidential. its so sad and SO very true. was pissing myself laughing all through it. if you've ever been in an art school, you'll love it!

estalking

heh. sometimes when i catch up with my mates irl, they already know what's happening. when i start telling a story, they blush and finish the story confessing that they read my blog.

that's funny and its fine. i have absolutely nothing against that.

what i don't understand however, is stalking me through my blog after cutting off all contact irl. you know who you are.

whatever your reasons might have been, if you don't have the balls to face me, or keep in contact through the traditional channels, why the fuck would you go through the effort of estalking me? and why the fuck would i want your help after more than a year of radio silence?

fair enuff, this shit is published on the bloody internet, so its out there for you to read. and really, i don't care either way.

i just don't get it.

mind boggles.

oncoming inspiration...

i've had this wave of inspiration trying to overcome me for quite a while.

you know that feeling when you grow more and more restless by the day and just have this overwhelming need to draw/write/paint/make a book/prepare an etching plate/whatever?

and its all you can think of...

then you go and pick up a pen, and it doesn't work. it doesn't do what you imagine it would. the pathetic scribbles on the paper in front of you have nothing to do with the divine inspiration throbbing in the back of your mind.

so you so back to being restless and a couple of days later you start to write. only to repeat the previous disappointment. and back to frustration you go again.

i believe i received this annoying trait from my mother's milk, as she is one creative nut.

i remember waking up one sunday morning to this hell of a racket. as i followed the noise i encountered the most bizarre sight:

my mum - and don't forget this was about 07:00am sunday morning - had jacked a whole wall full of inbuilts up half a meter using car jacks. apparently, half way through her morning coffee, it had occurred to her that there's plenty of waste space there and she could easily lift them to fit a row of drawers underneath.

later on she confessed that she had been suffering from an oncoming inspiration for weeks.

yeh. psycho. good entertainment value tho.

let's see what i get up to if this keeps on building up like it has for the past couple of weeks...

breakup

'yes, it's true.
unfortunately impossible.'

--

dear deviant, so long and thanks for all the fish!

bdo retrospective

fuck me dead, but i am far too old for this shit.

see, i thought that the fantastic line-up was enough to make bdo worth my while, but i can promise you bunnies, i'm never doing another bdo again.

the crew was me, deviant, citronella, daddy-o(-to-be), small-c and mr j. i had met daddy-o and small-c before on the black label society gig, but mr j was a new acquaintance.

there was something very hunter-s-thompson-esque about mr j. he turned out to be a truly funny and witty cunt who had an impeccable talent of hooking us up with whatever was needed. whenever there was drama, he'd just take off and a few seconds later show up with the goods whether it was train tickets, drinks, drugs or a cab that was required. quite impressive i tell you.

we started the day with a big luxurious brekky at deviant's place and head over to the sydney show grounds around midday. it was when we got on the train that i realised that the day might in fact turn out to be a disaster.

see, while planning the day i had entirely forgotten about the fact that i hate cunts. and when i say that, i mean that i REALLY HATE CUNTS. and the train, well, the train was full of them. loud, annoying and just asking for me to strangle them one by one using my bare hands.

when we arrived, we realised that not only were there intolerable ppl on the train, the fucken place was loaded with them. 55 000 cunts: drugged up, dressed in ridiculous outfits, wearing flags, carrying on, foaming in the mouth and all of them stuffed within the show ground fences and we were right there locked in with them. fuck.

the first act we saw with deviant was that 1 guy. he was just this insane mofo with the mother of all sideburns playing a metal pipe and it was fantastic.

then it was evermore, lily allen, eskimo joe and john butler trio. half way through the john butler trip gig, my feet started to resign and i began to realise that my heels - no matter how low they were - were not in fact a good idea for a day long rock fest.

we decided to take a break when the killers started and went to queue for some piss. at this stage it began to dawn on me that the theme of the day might not be music after all, but queuing instead. we had to queue into the show grounds, queue to get piss, queue to take a piss, queue to see the gigs, queue to get out of the gigs, queue to get out of the show grounds, queue to get train tickets, queue to get into the train and the final drama: queue to get a cab home. and i fucken HATE queuing.

mr j and citronella were on a mission of their own for most of the night and daddy-o was going hard with small-c which left me and deviant chillin out by ourselves.

we saw two chicks digging in on what looked like the most delicious burgers ever, and they pointed up the road and told us to look for the booth filled with 'amish looking ppl'. cracking up and thinking that this was never going to work we headed up the hill, and sure enough we saw a food stall full of people who could only be described as 'amish looking'. and fuck me that burger was delicious.

the mosh pit gates were bearing red lights from the beginning of the killers gig, so we had already decided to watch the muse and tool gigs from aside. then, totally unexpectedly at the beginning of the muse gig the lights went green and we decided to have a go at it. we got all the way through the crowd with no problems what so ever and just walked in. which was rather surprising considering that a couple of hrs earlier small-c had mauled near death attempting to enter the mosh pit.

the muse gig was great, but i couldn't really enjoy it through the pain and by the time tool was about to begin i was already over it. the cunts all around us were just way too fucken drugged up to act like human beings and ppl were pushing and shoving and just being fucken arseholes.

deviant did his best to keep all the cunts away from me but it soon turned out impossible and we decided to back up a fair bit to find a better spot. the pain was already getting unbearable and then some fucken fat cunt stomped on my foot and i think i ended up twisting my ankle at the same go. with some difficulty i restrained from head butting him and just cursed out loud in finnish.

after the first few tracks of the tool gig we decided that we had seen enough and headed out of the pit. i was able to limp up the stairs and we sat through the rest of the gig. at this stage my ankle was hurting more than enough and my feet were so sore that poor deviant had to carry me for the rest of the night.

i felt like a princess being carried around by my man and that cheered me up quite a bit. he was being the perfect gentleman all night and took care of me just like he should. it was prolly the only thing keeping me from going apeshit as the ppl around were really getting on my nerves.

next time i want to see a live band, i'll go and see their gig and their gig alone. no more this fucken cattle drive entertainment amidst 55 000 wankfaces that i'd happily see dead.

*growl*

bring on the bender!

the rest of the week is starting to look pretty full on.

tonight the boys are attending the tool gig in town. they're picking me up with a cab on their way home and then we'll piss-up at deviant's place.

thursday is of course big day out so we'll be starting early and going strong for the following 12 hrs. followed with a piss-up at deviant's place. of course.

friday is australia day and we have a massive bbq bonanza lined up in newtown. phoenix has his already legendary australia day bbq that has gotten out of control. should be very good value.

now if only i had the liver of an 18yo to survive all this... mebbe i could think of it as a muscle that can be trained?

or maybe i'll just trust that they'll bring out hot swap livers over the counter soon...

my new idol

i always thought i wanted to die young and all that cliche bullshit... not anymore.

i want to become just as old, cranky, mean spirited and foul mouthed as she is!

in fact, i think she's my new idol. check it out bunnies, the fruitcake lady:

[such quality entertainment received - as usual - from k-ho via miss pearl]

annoying weather and adorable men

i'm convinced that 90% of australia's rainfall falls on my fucken way to work.

not happy jan. not happy.

see, yesterday i was running in the sun, having the time of my life and planning tomorrow's bdo. now? not too keen on standing knee deep in mud in my heels that once were glamorous. *growl*

--

you know what bunnies, i reckon men are pretty adorable.

on sunday night, i was prancing around in bikinis while deviant was checking his email and shit. i had been preparing dinner in the kitchen and noticed he was about to finish his beer.

i grabbed a new ice cold beer from the fridge and went to hand it to him just as he skulled the rest and was abt to put the empty one on the table.

you should have seen his face.

he stared at me in stunned silence, his eyes going from my bikinis to the cold beer in his hand and back again. after a while he was able to stutter: 'marry me!'

cracked me up.

'its only beer and bikinis hun, nothing to get THAT excited about. now calm down, drink your beer and look pretty.'

not often have i seen a happier man.

rockity-rok

bdo is coming and i can't wait!

i'm going as the token chick in a group of men so it should be a bloody ball. also, that means that i have 5 big men keeping me safe in the mosh pit. bonus.

i've worked out a schedule and it sounds pretty damn promising:

tool


muse


jet


the killers


eskimo joe


peaches


lily allen


i'd also love to be able to fit this crazy mofo in:
that 1 guy

the canberra apocalypse

bunnies - i shit you not - i thought that the world was about to end on saturday.

we were driving down to canberra with deviant and after sunset i saw this freak comet on the sky.

i swear i have never seen anything like it. it filled the entire sky and the tail was as big and bright as bloody nothern lights!

if you miss it bunnies (i think it should be visible on the southern hemisphere for the rest of the week?), you're in for a bit of a wait to catch anything like it as this particular rock - the mcnaught comet - is not due for an encore for the next 85,000 yrs.

we got to enjoy the freak phenomenon for over an hour during our drive. all the way there was these random ppl just stopping their cars at the side of the road and standing outside staring at the sky. funny.

i wish the end of the world will be equally perty.

posting spam

some things to ponder in 2007:

1. life is sexually transmitted
   
2. good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
   
3. men have two emotions: hungry and horny. if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich
   
4. some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs
   
5. why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
   
6. in the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal

never underestimate the power of blonde

oh, its been far too long! i had already forgotten how much more fun blondes have! i think the best comment so far was 'i reckon blonde hair makes your tits look bigger...' needless to say cracked me up.

went to an interview today and nailed it. the chicky absolutely luveded me and is working to improve my situation at the moment. so thanks for crossing those fingers for me bunnies, looks like it worked.

i should hear back from her before the end of the week. so no need to uncross your paws quite yet. i'll keep you posted.

--

memorable quotes:

deviant: 'that's it! i'm taking those with me! there is NO WAY i'm having you prancing around in those hot pants while i'm away sitting on a fucken rock!'

deviant: 'oi! stop treating me like a piece of meat, woman! you're supposed to say that you like me for my charming personality!'
tp: 'yes sweetheart, its your big, hard personality i like you for...'
deviant: '...that's better - HEY!'

artificial dumbing down

since i'm attempting to sell my arse as a 'scandinavian designer' i thought i might as well look like one. i dont think that being 'the little asian girl with american accent' is going to work for me in this case.

i can't understand it for the life of me, but with dark hair the locals seem to think that i've got asian blood in me. i've got blue eyes for fuck's sake! oh well, must be the eskimo blood. *shrugs*

when i go blonde i look so bloody scandinavian its not even funny. also, i look heaps kinder and you might even mistake into thinking that i have a heart. (which will come handy on tuesday...)

so yeh. blonde again. who would've thunk it?

twinkle twinkle titty-twister...

you know, its funny how efficiently a true predicament weeds out your real friends.

as soon as he heard of my situation, sunshine came to rescue and coughed up a contact that provided me with the tiniest flicker of hope.

on friday i received a phone call that allowed that flicker to grow a little stronger and on tuesday i'll have a chance to improve my situation significantly.

so bunnies, keep your your fingers crossed up to your elbows on tuesday...

trippity-shit

crap. i really need to do something to that phone cord running in front of my bathroom door. i fucken tripped on it again. i am seriously just not not awake enough to step over the bloody thing in the mornings.

every time i trip on it, the thing-a-magic connecting it to the wall is sent flying across the room and my adsl modem spits the dummy. big time.

and every single time, for hrs afterwards the modem keeps dropping the bloody connection non-stop so that its impossible to do anything.

so once again i'm ranting over the backup dial-up connection while fighting the urge to chuck the modem out of the window aiming at the pain-in-the-arse chick downstairs who happens to be convinced that she's an excellent singer.

*growl*

'should i stay or should i go?'

what a kerfuffle.

as much as i am in love with this city head over heels, my lover does not seem to embrace me with equal passion and devotion. in fact, if i didn't know her better i'd say she was doing her best to get rid of me. that cunt. how could she?

yes. my visa is running out soon and i'm not sure i've got the means for extending it.

now what if the shit does hit the fan? how am i supposed to stuff my life within the 25 kilo luggage limit? fuck, that doesn't cover my favourite shoes, not even mentioning the lot of em!

fuckshitfuck.

brilliant stop motion art

quite enjoyed this even tho i think it could have been cut down to the magical length of 3 mins...

early memories

i wonder how much our first memories affect the person we are today?

my earliest memory is somewhat disturbing. i guess i remember it because it was one of the first daily routines i was exposed to.

i am tiny, maybe 2-3 yo, still more than half asleep, wrapped up in a doona and being carried to the backseat of the lil datsun 100a that my parents drove at the time. i was about to be dropped off to my grandparent's house when my parents went to work.

i remember lying there, on the backseat, while it was still pitch black outside and waiting for the beautiful smell of the lit match followed by the choking cigarette smoke reaching the back seat.

the second memory is sweeter and in fact the only memory i have of my great grandma. there was always chocolate on the top shelf of my great grandma's tall kitchen cupboard and i remember how she would always get up and head to the cupboard as soon as she saw us coming in.

because i was so young, i never really got to know my great grandma. but i have a feeling she might have had a major impact on my life even tho she passed away by the time i was about 4 yo.

see, ever since i can remember, my grandma has always been telling me that 'its people who do it'.

whenever something seemed too difficult or out of reach, she'd just laugh it off saying 'its people who do it, so why not you?' she made me think that nothing in this life is impossible and if someone can do it, then surely i can do the same, if not even better. after all, they're only people - people just like me.

according to her, this life philosophy was passed straight down from my great grandma.

the reason i'm ranting on about my earliest memories, is that i just realised that my great grandma's motto might be one of the most important things i've ever learned in my life. and i never even got to thank her.

oh so delightfully drukn!

the nye w/e was an absolute blast. yet another perfect excuse for a bender and who am i to fight back?

on nye i got the shits after every man in the house took it their business to tell me to 'hurry the fuck up'. when we hit the pub i thought it might be an idea to start with a tequila - or few - to cheer up...

i walked up to the bar and ordered two tequilas, a red bull and vodka and a heineken for deviant. citronella arrived just as i had paid and got all excited over us all shooting tequilas. at first, he watched horrified as i claimed three of the four drinks for myself, but after i downed the two tequilas before getting my change back and continued with a healthy 1/3 glass gulp of the red bull and vodka, his disappointment turned into full appreciation through a recognition of a fellow pisshead. i was in the good books for the rest of the night.

deviant later on confessed diagnosing me as schizophrenic after seeing me go from miss cranky-as-all-hell to miss very-drukn-and-very-happy in seconds. but such is the power of tequila. ugh.

the rest of the hazy images of the night include shooting shitloads more tequila with citronella, getting thrown out of a bar with deviant due to 'immoral behaviour' and being carried around by deviant and citronella while giggling my arse off. also, i was told that citronella had been having a ball slapping my arse while deviant had been carrying me over his shoulder.

i am fairly sure we tried to take on a good portion of the bushes along the way as deviant ended up with an impressive collection of pri(*)s. his pant's got torn under the right knee, a knee, a knuckle and his side bruised and a very street cred cut on his cheekbone. hard core.

in other words: great times.

the most remarkable thing however was the fact that i survived with no hangover what so ever!

(* pri = piss related injury)
--

memorable quotes:

deviant: 'well i went to wake her up with a cup of coffee and she bit me!'

citronella: [having a rant about needing to pick up a chick] 'man, i seriously need to throw my shit into something!'

the old man: [while fetching another beer from the fridge around 10am] 'i don't believe its only my fourth beer this morning!'

citronella: [gasping for air devastated abt the fact that he might not be able to finish his nyd meal] 'oh no! it's all over for me! what a drama i am having!'

deviant: [driving through mogo] 'fucken mogo!' x 1001