warning: drunken entry

teeheehee. i can tell you bunnies, it is true: free white wine tastes even better in your *own* exhibition opening.

today was another lil step towards being an artist: i had my first group exhibition. a lil step, but step none the less. i've had one video played on a video screening show reel before, but this was the first exhibition opening i could actually attend myself.

i had six different print works exhibitioned, most of them series of three, totalling into 15 prints shown. heh. all the tits and arses in the show were my work. ppl seemed to be able to pick mine from the crowd pretty easily.

now i'm just utterly pissed. kinda funky.

nine inch nails - wish

"this is the first day of my last days | i built it up now i take it apart climbed up real high now fall down real far | no need for me to stay the last thing left i just threw it away | i put my faith in god and my trust in you | now there's nothing more fucked up i could do | wish there was something real wish there was something true | wish there was something real in this world full of you | i'm the one without a soul i'm the one with this big fucking hole | no new tale to tell twenty-six years on my way to hell | gotta listen to your big time hard line bad luck fist fuck | don't think you're having all the fun | you know me i hate everyone | wish there was something real wish there was something true | wish there was something real in this world full of you | i want to but i can't turn back | but i want to"

and remember to crank it out loud bunnies.

whinge

grah. look, i love sydney. i love new south wales and i love the whole friggen country.

so don't you fucken dare to read this entry as a whinge and bitch about how everything is so much better back home. ok? good. now you may continue reading.

at the moment i prefer this place over finland any day. don't get me wrong, finland's great too. for one month a year. the rest i can happily skip.

HOWEVER, some things in this country are just so incredibly illogical that it shits me to tears.

today, i wanted to pay my rent and my internet bill. sounds simple, right? wrong.

i rock up at the bank to transfer the rent money to my landlord's account. i queue up to the counter, only to hear that i need to walk back outside to get the cash out from the atm, or she'd be forced to charge me $2 for the transfer. ok. fine. i thought it would be a lot easier for her to handle numbers on screen instead of cash, but clearly i was wrong. out i go, only to find the atm's out of service. so back in, queue again and pay the bloody $2 fee. grh.

then she starts telling me off that actually the landlord's account is a special kind of an account and normally i wouldn't be able to deposit money on it. silly bridget! i thought accounts were meant for money to be both deposited to and withdrawn from them. clearly i was wrong. again.

this time she'd do the transfer for me but the next time i'd have to go to the grocery store next door to make the deposit. oh, that makes sense: i can't deposit money to an account at a bank, but i can at a grocery store.trippy shit.

then i try to pay my internet bill. but oh no, of course i don't pay bills in a bank. nono. to pay bills, i go to the post office. i mean. what the fuck?

is it just me, or does this all seem just a lil bit illogical?

if i pay bills at the post office and deposit money at the grocery store, what the fuck do we need the banks for?

time for online personality tests

heh. lazy sunday calls for online personality tests. mind you, this one was so fucken accurate that it seems borderline scary. do you bunnies (who actually know me irl) agree?

ESTP - the promoter
[e]xtraversion-[s]ensation-[t]hinking-[p]erception

your type is known as the promoter, because you have no trouble approaching strangers and you are so charismatic that you are good at pursuading people to do your bidding. your type is a subgroup of the experiencers group, also called artisans. you are a person of action - when you are around, things happen. resourceful with people is a good way to describe you. life is never dull around you. you are witty, clever, and fun. you are socially suave and know just the right thing to say to everyone you meet. you share your personality type with 10% of the population.

as a romantic partner, you are usually exciting and willing to try anything once. you are often much more responsive to your partner's physical needs, rather than their emotional ones. you tend to communicate at what other types tend to think of as a superficial level, as you don't see a big need for heart-to-heart talks. you want to be appreciated for the fun-loving responsive problem solver you are. you are happiest when your partner respects your need for freedom to be spontaneous and to enjoy life's many pleasures.

your group summary:
artisans/experiencers:

• are proud of themselves in the degree they are graceful in action
• respect themselves in the degree they are daring
• confident of themselves in the degree they are adaptable
• the "sensation seeking personality" -- trusting in spontaniety and hungering for impact on others
  
• are usually hedonic about the present, optimistic about the future, cynical about the past, and their preferred time and place is the here and now
• educationally go for arts and crafts, avocationally for techniques, and vocationally for operations work
  
• tend to be permissive as parents, playmates as spouses, and play oriented as children
  

the LONG scientific personality test
okcupid

post daquiri jugs life

good morning bunnies. i ended up having a good night yesterday.

at first it looked very bad. i was jumping up and down at home, screaming my lungs out that i was bored shitless. i was supposed to go out with two of my old mates who cancelled on me at the last minute. then just as i was abt to get really desperate, one of my old mates asked me out for drinkies. the tall, dark and handsome one.

we did the jugs of daquiris ritual at cohibar and of course i got giggly off my tits. but it was all good fun.

i feel like going for a run at the botanical garden. or rollerblading at homebush. or stretching by the beach. i love sundays.

life as timeframes

tp - timeframe 2004

"sweet, sweet lollies..." & "...i can still recall the taste"
a series of two reduction lino cuts using three colours (120mm x 120mm)

i've prolly ranted on abt this shit before. timeframes i mean. i just had a long convo with an old mate of mine. the talk was good, but i feel that she might not have entirely understood what i tried to explain. so here goes another attempt just for you bunnies out there:

i believe that things have a time and space where they exist and once that timeframe closes, they become history. i don't believe in things being meant to last forever, even though some timeframes can be longer than others.

ever so often, people who break up seem to spin the entire past around the second the relationship ends. the wonderful partner who made them happy for months/years, is suddenly a deceitful arsehole (ok fair enuff, in some cases it really might be so). suddenly the entire relationship was a lie. the partner who whispered the sweet words into their ear, must have been lying, since s/he isn't there to whisper the words in the present moment. or worse: is whispering them into someone elses ear.

it seems that ppl find it difficult to look at things within the conceptual frame of when it happened. what is true today, might not be true tomorrow as today is tomorrow's yesterday. and yesterday is yesterday that cannot be changed by what happens today.

what was wonderful yesterday, is still wonderful as yesterday. the first kiss that made the heart race is still just as special and unique as a memory. it does not matter how many people the partner might have experienced 'a first kiss' with since.

the desperate attempt of holding on to a timeframe that has already passed gives it all a bitter flavour. instead of being able to treasure it as something special that happened, it becomes a painful ongoing sting in the chest. a dragging stone that's stuck somewhere between yesterday and today. not being able to enjoy today over the bitter pain of yesterday.

as a good friend of mine always used to say 'this too shall pass'. i think she was definitely on to something there.

[insert here an anxiety attack]

shit. i have turned into a newborn corporate whore. i have no idea how it happened.

before this, it was all ok, cause i just showed up when needed, worked a bit, got paid and fucked off. but today it all went a lil bit wrong.

today, i received my official company email address. i exist within the company. i have sold my soul. i am officially sucking the corporate cock. maybe i should start wearing a tie?

a corporate whore by day, a pathetic wanna-be-artist by night. oh the joy.

i have a confession to make

bunnies, i have been a very, very bad girl. i think i need to be spanked.

i couldn't help it. i tried to fight it, i really, really did. but nothing was helping. i just couldn't reason my way out of it. and there i was, once again, walking home from work carrying a bag full of shoeboxes.

they were just too perty. they practically had my name on them. well, if my name was pierre fontaine that is. but you know. close enough. there's a t and a p. right?

both stilettos. one pair blue suave and other grey tweed-ish fabrick. both very perty and business-like.

i think i'm running on pair 45 or 46 now. i think i might need to go through my boxes and count them to be sure.

today, i'm an exhausted lil chicky

i've had a great week at uni. my grad show work is going great, and i've been getting really good feedback for it. i got my film studies essay on deep throat back yesterday. got very good feedback and scored full points for 'originality of thought'. heh.

i've also had a great week at work too, even tho i haven't even started yet. going in tomorrow. but i had a phonecall with good news already on monday. so it's all very, very good.

there's some social bs that i've had to deal with lately. stuff that is really no one else's fault but mine, but it's making me very uncomfortable. well, i guess i am making myself uncomfortable. i dunno. not good anyhoo. maybe this will all smooth out soon.

got a nice surprise phone call from sunshine today. always nice to hear from him. i hold my dickheads dear even after i'm done with them.

speaking of dickheads, heard that my flirty sense of humour got someone into trouble (again). heh. sorry luv, didn't mean to. honest. i hope this doesn't mean that i'll have to start behaving and being all boring and shit...

it's oh so good to be a finn down under

bunnies, you have no idea how much shit i've copped for this bloody masterfoods ad.

(>> play tvc button under text)

"a whimsical finnish couple living in australia are the stars of this quirky new tvc from masterfoods to promote its range of finishing sauces.

while they’ve embraced their new home in ‘australia land’ in their hearts they yearn for things that remind them of home.

one day the wife discovers masterfoods ‘finish sauce’. the tvc shows her excitedly showing her find to her husband, having a little joke by covering the ‘ing’ on the packaging with her finger.

the later recount their tale to friends, who miss the joke that the couple find so hilarious."

- masterfoods

milking the cow video mockup done

still from milking the cow video mockup

such a good lil girl i have been today. i finished the mockup of milking the cow video and prepared all the images for screen printing as well. i was even able to find a wav file for the sound. so in other words: it's all good.

the idea evolved a bit in the process as always. i was playing around with decoding/converting/editing the stills, and in the process somehow managed to accidentally squeeze the images into squares instead of the original 4:3 proportions. i quite liked the effect and decided to stick with it.

due to the new proportions of the images, i decided to skip the idea of doing a double projection and creating a single widescreen video clip instead. i also ended up turning the whole thing upside down.

the effect of the video is surprisingly hypnotic and mesmerizing. i wish i could upload a mockup for you bunnies to see as well, but at the moment you'll just have to take my word for it.

dumb bint

you know what, bunnies? i think i've been bullshitting myself.

you know the way you think you want something, when in real life you want something else? well, i thought i was too smart for that shit. i thought i knew myself too well. bullshit. i'm just as much of a dumb bint as the average jill falling for the good ole "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" trick.

not long ago i wrote a rant abt labeling ppl from one night shags to partners. while writing that i remember thinking that it would be so cool if someone had the balls to ask me out on a date straight away. see, normally i only get into these weird situations where a good friendship is suddenly turned into a relationship.

well, someone did ask me out. everything was perfect. everything was just the way i always wanted it to be. i was treated the way that i always hoped my fuckwits would treat me. i heard all the nice things that i had longed to hear before. but in reality, it freaked the shit out of me. suddenly i found my hand hovering above the bright red eject button even tho there was absolutely no reason to.

it made me realise how important it is for me to get to know someone free from responsibility and expectations. it made me realise how the aloofness of the other keeps the door open, allowing me my own comfort zone. i can't handle closed doors.

now, taking half a step back, opening all doors possible, i want to see who it is that has stirred me. once the doors are open i think i can sit down, move my hand further away from the panic button and get to know him instead of bolting out.

"life is like a box of chocolates..."

...and i'm fucken lactose intolerant.

the nin gig was un-fucken-believable

the energy of the nine inch nails gig was just something that i have never experienced before. and i wasn't even in the pit. trent reznor is truly amazing. i'd give up tits & arse for him. for good. honestly.

(i was too busy having my mind blown to take pics. this is just one that i found off the net. i was straight in the middle so i had a way better view)

we arrived late, right when the warm up gig was finishing so we thought we'd get really shitty spots, but no. there were two empty seats, right in the middle at the back, just waiting for us. we saw it all, heard it all and we definitely felt it all.

for the lack of a better word: it was fantastic. the wretched just blew my mind and of course closer as the crowd pleaser was just phenomenal live. and on the other hand right where it belongs was just such a total contrast and so incredibly beautiful.

i wasn't so much listening as feeling. soaking in all the energy and letting it take me along with it.

everything was spot on: the lights elevated the performance into something amazing. the music was just loud enough, any louder and it would have been too much. the mixing was spot on (or at least so said the expert company). and there were absolutely no dickheads blocking my view at any point. at all. it was all just too good to be true.

--

in fact, everything last night seemed to just work out perfectly. to a point that it seemed scary.

from my date's timing to show up *just* as i was walking home from the store. the way every time we needed to park, a perfect spot just appeared, right there, right then. getting caught up in conversations before leaving to the venue, ending up leaving very late, yet arriving at the perfect time. having no idea how to get there and having no street directory, yet ending up choosing the exact right way to drive. nailing the perfect seats for the gig without stressing. absolutely everything.

ooh, this should be good

tonight, mr. reznor, you have the permission to blow my mind. thank you very much.

i'll have to run to the city straight after the gig and join a mate's bday party. of course this bloody party is in a fancy club, so that dressing for both events at the same time is going to difficult as fuck. i don't see myself doing the nine inch nails gig in stilettos and there's no fucken way i'll go clubbing in sneakers. grh.

and yeh, before you ask. out of those 43 pairs: there's one pair of sneakers, one pair of running shoes, and apart from the few pairs of compulsory aussie thongs, the rest are high as fuck stilettos. i just don't do comfy of sensible shoes. i'm not a nurse for fuck's sake.

this might call for a change set of clothing in my bag and a superman-like striptease attempt in whatever equivalent of a phone booth i can find.

but bunnies, this gig is going to be so good!

--update

thank you, mr. reznor for being just as fucken mind blowingly porn as i expected. an amazing gig. honestly blew my mind. blew my fucken mind right off the top of my head. incredible.

now bunnies, crank out loud nine inch nails - the wretched with me.

'grrroar!' said the paper tiger...

i think i need chocolate. chocolate always helps.

--

you know what, bunnies? finland is so in and pop atm. well at least if believe aussie telly that is.

first law & order: s.v.u. uses alvar aalto design chairs as a sign of having shitloads of cash. man, i nearly pissed myself when i heard the actor pronounce 'alvar aalto' with a horrid american accent. not perty.

then i watched some weird fucked up travel show abt a german freak in thailand. i was pissing myself laughing all through the program and then he bumps into a danish guy or someshit.

narrator: "i met this lovely danich fellow, but since he didn't speak any german or english and i can't speak any danish, we had a chat in the common language of northern europe: swedish"
[camera shows two twats in ridiculous 80's speedos, having a convo by the beach]
german guy: "so, ever been to finland?"
danish guy: "those finns are filthy animals."

and that was the entire conversation. heh. fantastic. yes, yes we are.

--

oh, also finally found my webcam again. thought i'd take a more recent pic for my profile. this is it: here i am, right here, right now.

hmmm...

dammit. i feel like being all social and girly and giggly and shit tonight.

i blame my boss. entirely. she wasn't working today, so i was bored and sitting alone all day. no one to bitch and gossip with. unbelievable.

tomorrow i'll be concentrated on my uni work, like the good girl i am. but tonight, tonight i want to be entertained. i was counting on this certain good quality source of fucked up entertainment, but no. he was all busy and shit. how unlike him. heh.

a pleasant early morning

this is a new experience. i've slept extremely well and the full 9 hrs too. i woke up all alive and shit and now i'm a bit lost. what's going to take me through the morning if not the usual cranky mood of mine?

maybe i should drop something or fuck something up, just to be back in my comfort zone.

--

i'm starting to get really excited about a potential small collaborative group exhibition. i got the idea last week during a tute. i've got the perfect space thought out, i've got three ppl that i really want to do it with and i've got a loose timeframe when to do it. now all we need is a theme. a title. and we're all go. i'm trying to arrange a dinner out this friday to talk and plan this shit.

collaborating is interesting as fuck. the scary part is that you need to find excellent ppl to do it with before it works, but once you do it's fucken fantastic. it can fuck up really, really badly if you choose your partner wrong, but if you're carefull with your decision and lucky, you might end up doing the most interesting and successfull thing ever.

a good collaboration is so much more than the sum of it's parts. i feel that my previous collaboration projects with pg have been like that. he's brilliant and for some reason we work together really well. i have a feeling that that this group exhibition has potential of being just as good if not even better. i reckon that the four of us would compliment each other really well.

bunnies, this might be very good.

high heels and all things girly...

ok, the hair brush got dropped out. however i do think that we came up with a really cool idea for a collaborative video performance piece with the c-word girly. (i've got to call her that, because everyone is always calling her 'cute' and she hates it. she is the only person i've met - other than myself that is - who prefers 'cunt' over 'cute' as far as the c-words go.)

the video performance will be based on the idea that "the high heel has been modelled based on the foot of an orgasming woman". i reckon it'll turn out quite funny and perhaps even entertaining. now all we need is a good camera man...

--

speaking of men, my uni mates kick arse. most of them are just clearly insane.

i sat through a two hr tute about 'bright red monkey penises' and 'pizzas' today. words 'chaos' and 'millieu' came up a lot too. well, actually only an hour and a half. the lecturer was crying and/or pissing himself laughing most of the time. but then he started to crack slowly and our endless rants ended up exhausting him completely. after banging his head on the table for a while, he told us to fuck off half an hour early.

such a fantastic tute group i'm in!

wow

i don't know what to say. it's not often that someone positively surprises me. i think i'm more familiar with being disappointed with ppl. but today. today was quite different.

i was supposed to do a quick lunch with someone. naturally due to my ridiculous alcohol intake the previous night, around lunch time i was still reduced into a trembling and weaping pile of meat, lying on the bottom of my bath tub. there's just something so calming and soothing about water.

however, as i started to slowly regain consciousness as well as the use of my limbs again, i decided to be a good girl and go to the galleries after all. and i am very happy that i did.

the quick lunch was replaced with an entire amazingly beautiful spring day filled with deep and interesting conversations, walking around the botanical garden and glancing at some good quality art. and yes, we saw milk.

i had a wonderful day. totally unexpected. in fact, i was so impressed that i think i will meet him again tomorrow.

i've got to tell you bunnies: quite the prince charming, this one.