oooooof.....

i think i might die. tho i have a feeling, that within a couple of hrs i'll be praying that i will.

note to self: 'a couple of drinks after work' on a monday will end up badly. very badly.

monday, bloody monday

hrrrrrr. here i am, wrapped in a doona, hugging my radiator and drinking my morning coffee. have i told you bunnies, that i don't rate monday mornings that high at all?

today is work day. i'll have to check the info on the new catalogue. the bonus is that the other desk in my boss's office is still free, so i can work with her today. the room is heaps warmer than the rest of the building and she's very entertaining. she is one of the few people i've met, who use the word 'cunt' as much as i do. that's always a good sign.

oh, and i got a surprising phone call yesterday from sunshine. i haven't heard from him for a while so it was nice. i promised to catch up with him after work today. should be fun. he's always good value.

photography

it was such a cool light i had to go a lil bit snap happy. the full body ones actually turned out really good and i might turn them into lino cuts...

...and a hairbrush?

heh. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i love being a fine art student.

see, there's this pretty lil chicky in my class. full on creativity and adorable 'fuck-you-i'm-not-cute' attitude. great fun and fantastic fucked up ideas she is. anyhoo, she has this theory. or actually, i think she said she heard/read it somewhere. but she told me, that the reason why high heels are so sexy, is that they are modelled based on the feet of an orgasming woman. sounded fantastic i thought.

we had this girly giggly talk during one tutorial, where we came up with an idea of making a work based on this. she had some ideas for a video/performance piece.

well, she just smssed me asking to bring "two pairs of the highest of heels, a very short skirt and a hairbrush" with me to uni on monday.

ummm... a hairbrush?

nothing quite like those cranky mornings

and i bet all that white wine still desperate to leave my system didn't help either.

"...still, carrie can't separate herself completely from big. big becomes a special friend and in spite of (or maybe because of) their complicated past, he manages to ground her when she's feeling scared or alone..."

[ hbo: sex and the city: mr. big - via]

complicated. sometimes it's so very difficult to figure out what to think of some people. how can a fuckwit be trustworthy and aloof at the same time? always reliable and never there? how can one conversation make me feel like a real valued friend, and then end up in haggling that makes me feel cheap?

heh. some bunnies are just priceless, but that doesn't mean i wouldn't want to punch them in the face. hard.

i am annoyed.

woke up cranky as hell and coffee doesn't seem to be helping.

my tolerance towards bullshit from other people has been slowly sliding lower and lower, but recently it plummeted like a drunken fat bitch from the rooftop terrass of a skyscraper. screaming.

i have no patience for people getting difficult on me anymore, and rather than bending over backwards like i used to, i just tell them to go to hell. i'm fed up with setting my own priorities aside and adapting to the required mindset to please other people. fuck that.

i've been surprised to notice that this goes with people that i actually really care about as well. i used to think, that there are people who matter and people who don't. well, still think so. most of the ppl i meet, i dun give a shit about and i show that quite clearly as well. but for the people who matter, there's a whole different source of patience and tolerance. a whole different level of effort i am willing to put in for them.

for quite a while already, i have felt that some of the people i count closest to me have been blatantly abusing this. and i guess it's fair enuff, if they can get away with less, why put in more?

no more. not from you luv, not from anyone. stop fucken bargaining and have some respect.

"just point me to the porn" ...?

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life's so good it's starting to get scary!

honestly, shit just works out! today was yet another perfect example.

i was walking through uni, minding my own business and suddenly i bump into this guy from first year. i've met him a couple of times at uni and shit before, but don't really know him that well. he seems like a cool and interesting guy and i've heard the teachers mention his work. which is always a good sign. anyway, he comes over to say hi and offers me a ticket to see the nine inch nails gig that's on in couple of weeks. just like that, out of the blue.

fucken fan-tas-tic! i wasn't able to get a ticket before the sydney gig sold out and i just missed their gig in finland. i really, REALLY wanted to see them, but had lost all hope long time ago.

i've had to listen this one old mate of mine, going on and on abt how fucken awesome the nin finland gig was and how my life must suck since i missed it. every time i talk to him, he starts the conversation with the words: "oh, did i already tell you? NIN WAS FUCKEN AWESOME!" heh. funny fuckwit that one.

oh well, this shall shush him for good! yay!

twins?

miss s. just send this to me saying that she thinks it's my exact twin. ok, i can see the brainless grin and the messy hair, but wtf is it with the wings and shit? heh.

shit just works out

i dun know what the fuck is in the air, but shit just seems to work out. like to the point that it's starting to scare me.

i had a great day at work yesterday. i got to do some really cool and fun shit. i got free hands with a handout and my next project is to design an add for the next auction. i heard some other fucken fantastic plans. fucken fan-tas-tic. but unfortunately i can't really say anything more abt that stuff yet.

my social life is starting to get so bloody busy that it's starting to steal time away from this precious blog of mine. sorry abt that bunnies. but it's very good. i've met a lot of interesting people lately and i seem to be magically getting in touch with my old mates as well. i think i've got the next 4 weekends booked full of parties, piss-ups and trips.

oh, and yesterday i read my artist bio published somewhere for the first time. scary shit.

feature artist: [ tp ]

art form: film and audio-visual

artist bio: [ tp ] is a finnish video artist and a printmaker, interested in experimenting with combining the two very different mediums. during the year she's been experimenting with screen printing video clips (in collaboration with [name removed]) as well as continued creating video works from digital still images.

her work often plays with contradicting elements to engage the act of spectatorship as a part of the work. she aims to deliver a strong statement, but instead of dictating what that statement is, it's left as a blank line for the spectator to fill.

oh, and i'm still grinning. heh.

good ole aussies...

heh. this is exactly why i'm such a big fan of australia. the ppl here are honestly fucked up and i luv it!

on an air nz flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. this is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

"there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft."

as the plane landed and was coming to a stop at auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

after a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in adelaide, a flight attendant on a qantas flight announced, "please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as f*** everything has shifted."

"in the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. if you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. if you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

after a real crusher of a landing in sydney, the flight attendant came on with, "ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until capt. crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. and, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

a plane was taking off from mascot airport. after it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. welcome to flight number xyz, non-stop from sydney to auckland. the weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have smooth and uneventful flight. now sit back and relax - SHIT! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "ladies and gentlemen, i am so sorry if i scared you earlier, but, while i was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. you should see the front of my pants!" a passenger in economy said, "that's nothing. he should see the back of mine!"

[original article]

silly bridget!

the local telly showed bridget jones's diary again. i hadn't seen the first one in yrs and it cracked me up. that shit is just WAY too straight out of my fucken life.

not just the way bridget fucks everything up, the way she's desperate abt being single (mind you, i honestly don't day dream abt wedding bells! *shudders*) or the way her age crisis seems only too familiar. but the men.

bridget's men cracked me up the most. i can honestly say that i have dated both of them recently. exact fucken copies. so exact in fact, that if i'd start listing all the similarities, i'd be giving away way too much info abt these wonderful fuckwits of mine. scary shit.

ok. i've gone from sex and the city to bridget jones's diary. what next? supersize me? texas chainsaw massacre? deep throat?

owwie. loud voice. very pain.

jugs after jugs of daiquiris. do i need to say more?

heh. i just woke up to a funny as fuck text message. made me laugh out loud. and then grin. and grin some more. it was a nice flashback from the past that no doubt distracted my thoughts into a direction they really shouldn't be going. but hey, i'm still grinning. fucked up.

--

i went to the beauty expo yesterday with a mate's gf. the thingo was trade only and she didn't have anyone to go with. due to my teen genious, i am a fully qualified hairdressed (dun ask, a LONG story). with my diploma i could get in, so i promised to go with her. it was actually pretty good.

i went a bit nuts with the nail polishes, because the colours were just so perty. like candy! i chose mine based on the names tho. heh. the favs were 'souvenir junkie', 'glam queen', 'satin sheets' and of course 'dark secret'.

my toenails are very pretty in 'hot chilis' atm. and yeh, they are hot. very.

it would have been such a good perve for you male bunnies out there. everywhere, there were these fit as fuck chickies walking around, hiding their enormous fake tits and tighs arses in next to nothing, advertising spray on tan. only one hot muscle thingie getting sprayed tho, but that was prolly a good thing cause i nearly walked into a wall because of the distraction. heh.

we tasted a few shots of these natural elixirs that were supposed to boost up your energy levels and then i sat in front of this funny bright light. i dunno which it was (or maybe the muscles?), but i was fucken hyperactive for the rest of the day!

-

in the evening we desided to rock up at my fav bar in sydney: cohibar at darling harbour. excellent drinkies, fantastic music and the boys behind the bar are very good value. always gets you in a mood for a fantastic night out. well, we did quite a few jugs of daiquiris and they were all just soooo yummy!

after that we went club hopping, and once again i remembered exactly why i will never, ever find anyone when i go out. after dancing a bit, this boy rocks up to have a bit of a chat. the boy was very cute in a lil shy way, of course once again young as fuck, but a good entertainment value conversation-wise. we end up chatting our way through a couple of clubs (i was interested to see the places cause i had never been there before) and he seemed alright in a mate sorta way, but definitely not my type.

then his sidekick shows up. this dickhead asks straight away if i wanted to be the meat in their sandwich. right. i piss myself laughing and decide to call it a night. i was nice and wished them good luck in further meat hunting that night and walked home.

paranoid android

weird. i've just been labeled as a 'close personal contact'. listed on an official form too, to make it even more freaky.

if you've been exposed to my rants for longer, you might have already noticed that labels make me uncomfy. the only labels i feel comfortable using when referring to myself are 'scandinavian meat', 'pathetic wanna-be-artist' and 'an old cunt'. maybe i should make the latter 'a paranoid old cunt' from now on.

labels are interesting yet difficult. i often ponder what labels to attach to the people around me, but not too often do i find out abt ones attached to me by other people. i guess it's things that you don't normally hear, unless you ask. and no one wants to ask.

today, i was labeled by someone who i did count as a 'close personal contact' some time ago. but this was quite a while ago already, and after that i guess i expected him to feel more comfortable under the label 'friend'. i guess i just didn't really expect my name to be listed in his 'close personal contacts'. if that makes any sense.

not sure if it really means anything in the end, but there is just that healthy dose of common sense (read: schizophrenic paranoia) making me curious every time i have to add my details to an official document of some form.

ok, ok, OK. if i'm honest, it made me smile. it was a pleasant suprise that made me feel just that lil bit special. a lil reminder that i was still someone's 'close personal contact', even tho in my everyday life i'm 'a sad old celibate fuck'. heh.

sweet of you luv, and i promise you that if i ever get a chance, i'll get you into trouble in return. heh. just remember: if some 'good looking officer' approaches me on the street to ask me abt your character, i'll tell him that you're fucked up. fully fucked up. just the way i like 'em.

a mini pilgrimage that found it's way to me

ooh, i have got to tell you this bunnies: i just found out that i did something very cool yesterday. without even realising it!

i was working with the photographer yesterday. i was helping with the photo shoots as well as edited all the images he took. well, in the morning we were photographing vintage clothing. one of the outfits was the ugliest thing i've ever seen: a rainbow coloured catsuit in size XXXL with supa-flared 70's trunks.

well, what makes it so cool, is that today i found out why that hideous thing ended up to a high end auction house: jennifer saunders wore the suit as edina monsoon in the cult series absolutely fabulous!

being a hardcore abfab fan, it was like a mini pilgrimage that walked to me. heh.

a happy lil chicky

today, it happened again. for the first time in a while.

i was walking home from work, and it suddenly hit me: that stupid grin with the euphoric rush of feeling good. that sudden 'i am happy' feeling, not triggered by anything external. that ever so satisfying realisation of the happiness in the present moment. right here. right now. i am happy.

no. there no boy behind this. i'm not high or drunk. i did not win the lottery. nothing like that. everything is just really very good. everything is working out. uni, work, social life. everything. (okok, still dun like the idea of being celibate, but hey, it wouldn't be the first or the last time. besides, sexual frustration does wonders for creativity.)

i am content. i don't need anything that i wouldn't already have. anything else that comes along, is a bonus, not necessary.

en tee mitään
laitan luurini kiinni
en kaipaa rakkaitani
enkä toivo että joku minua kaipaisi

mulla on vain yksi huone
se ei ole kovin suuri
syön silloin kun tulee nälkä
yleensä aina samaa
ja juhlin liikaa jos mua huvittaa

pitkään se vei
vihdoin voin sanoa
ei ei
ilman ehkä jään
miettimään
niitä jotka taakse jää

olen onnellinen
olen onnellinen
olen onnellinen
onnellinen nainen

scandinavian music group - onnellinen nainen

so very tired

do you know those mornings when you are just incredibly tired? mornings when you just want to tell the whole world to go to hell? you'd think that the world could survive one day by itself while you were sleeping.

you have no idea, how beautiful, soft, warm and inviting my open bed looks right now. i think it must be the prettiest thing i've seen all week.

however, today, i'm not lucky. i am forced to skull down my coffee, hit the shower and drag my sorry lil old arse to work.

emily rok

i couldn't help it. i just love those kitties.

there i was, wasting yet another few hr uni break skank spotting at penrith plaza. even the good company wasn't enough to distract me from a lil shopping. but it's small. small things don't count. right? you only have to count the big bags...?

isn't my new wallet perty? can't fit shit in it tho and i do feel a bit bad abt abandoning my 'it's bambi abt to die in a raging bushfire' wallet.

but you should have seen the baby blue hello kitty bag that my mate bought. he needed a new man bag. that bag was SO utterly manly, that i reckon he'll have to rock out with his cock out to reveal his sex from now on...

this, my dear bunnies, calls for an experiment!

still remember my rant abt online dating services? heh.

of course i could't just let it be. there i go, creating a profile and shit. as we all know, curiosity killed the cat. see, the one thing that i could not get past was: if i'm there - for one reason or another - isn't it quite possible that there's some other similar curious fuck online as well?

well, last night, against every rule i have (xcept 'say no to american meat' and 'you don't screw the crew' rules which have gone down the drain ages ago) i end up meeting someone from this bloody dating service. and of course, to make matter's worse and break one more rule, this bloke's also swedish(*).

it was not exactly planned. see, i was bored in the city. and boredom is the seed of all evil. and i just happened to have the phone number of this funny bloke on my phone. and there we are, suddenly sitting and chatting over a coffee.

was quite nice actually. this bunny was no sam simple, i can tell you that. he was young, attractive, funny and intelligent. and he smelled nice too. heh.

(* = sweden to finland is what new zealand is to australia)

plan for my grad show work:MILKING THE COW

milking the cow is a double wall size video projection with sound.

a video work featuring a pornographic loop of a fellatio scene, accompanied with the sound of a cow being milked into a metal bucket in sync with the movement of the image.

both projected images consist of the same video loop, but screen printed frame-by-frame in different colour schemes. the loops will be synced into opposing rhythms, so that when the movement in the first one goes up, the movement in the second goes down. the aim is to create a continuous balanced movement that creates a visual link to the sound, even though the imagery itself contradicts the sound.

original stills from deep throat


sketches of how the images will look like screen printed.

the loop itself is extracted from a 1972 classic pornographic film deep throat, and it features linda lovelace performing the title fellatio scene.