weekend getaway to rancho relaxo

well, what do you know bunnies. things have been good. busy as all hell, but definitely on the positive side of things.

still in the dark as far as my new job goes, but the judgment on whether i'm fucked or not, should arrive by the end of the week. keep those paws crossed.

but on the positive side of things: deviant showed up to cook me a fantastic valentine's day dinner. since he took the train to sydney and back just for that one night, i reckon it scores pretty darn high on the romantic scale.

yeh, he pulled that one off with flying colours. so well in fact, that i was inspired to go and visit him in return.

i took the train down the coast for the weekend to get some much needed relaxation.

see the boys have put up a campsite called the rancho relaxo. and fuck me this is luxury as far as camping goes. deviant's tent mahal is bigger than my bloody apartment and has not only electricity in all its four rooms but also a fucken full size fridge!

my role over the weekend was to operate as the official blood donor as far as the mozzies went. i look like someone would have been using me for bb gun target practise. not impressed.

sunday was lovely tho. deviant wanted to take me to the honeymoon bay for a swim. of course it was a piss pool filled with filthy ankle biters, so we gave it a miss.

but luckily we found this beautiful deserted beach right next to it. toasted scandinavian meat with lobster red titties. owwie.

valentine bunnies

>> mutts

its a beautiful day

here i was thinking that this valentine's day is going to suck balls (and not in the good way)... turns out this might be one of the best ones yet!

deviant just called and booked me for wednesday. which was *very* unexpected. he's leaving his fishies and taking the train up to syd on wednesday night just to cook me a valentine's day dinner. how wonderful is that?

i couldn't think of a nicer surprise! such a good and romantic man he can be.

today i'm a very happy lil chicky.

sleaz-o-rama

why is it that catching up with old mates always ends up in a headache?

dui picked me up on his way home from work yesterday, and we headed over to his place for pre-drinkies. phoenix showed up with a bottle of canadian club just as we arrived, and since dui had a bottle already waiting for us, we were well prepared.

joined by mr sleaze, we polished off the two bottles at the rooftop terrace while catching up. needless to say we were all rather sloshed. after running out of piss everyone agreed that more was in deed required and soon after we were heading out to the cross.

we ended up at candy's and had a ball cutting the rug.

now, don't get me wrong here, mr sleaze is great fun and a good mate, but fuck me he can be annoying when he gets drunk and too bloody frisky. also, the fucken wanna-be-romeos on the dance floor shit me to no end. i'm there to dance with my mates, so leave me the fuck alone!

however, dui and phoenix did a fantastic job as dedicated males getting rid of the excess meat that would have otherwise spoiled my night. mr sleaze was a bit more work, and at some stage i did honestly think that i'd have to punch him in the face before he'd stay far enough for my liking. but in the end it was all good.

while i've had a fantastic time with deviant for the past year, i have to admit that i had missed going out clubbing to be able to hit the dance floor properly. music was good, dancing felt great and i had missed my mates so much.

i will definitely have to do this more often. but mebbe next time a lil less canadian club. also, i dare say the shots were not the best possible idea at 4am.

owwie. hurty head.

attack of the clones?

has anyone else noticed that all the prozzies in kings cross have the same face? its like that fucked up aphex twin video clip.

there they are, strutting along the length of the strip in their trashy gear not leaving nearly enough for imagination, and endlessly sucking on their fags. oblivious to the daily rhythm of the rest of the world, they seem to be on the job 24-7.

never mind the track marks, the anorectic limbs or the filthy hair, what keeps freaking me out is their faces. its like an army of zombies sharing the same features brutishly carved out of grey saggy skin.

eyes sunken so deep into their sockets that you hardly even notice the unfocused and uninterested stare in them. sharp cheekbones carrying wrinkled layers of dark heavy luggage as if packed ready for an early checkout. and what looks like endless decades of self-abuse weighting down hollowed cheeks on both sides of the bare thin line of a mouth. no doubt there used to be a pair of lips to it.

and the same cloned again and again along that few hundred metres.

i thought i'd get used to it. at least after a while. but its still as unnerving and distressing.

runner suits

warning: ranting ahead.

now bunnies, i'm sure i can't be the only one who has noticed the awful, AWFUL runner suits all around the city during business hours?

a runner suit is of course a person wearing neat business attire polished off with a dirty old pair of runners on their way to or from the office.

what the fuck is the deal with that???

don't get me wrong bunnies, i'm all for a little exercise & fitness, and i'm a big fan of smart and well fitting office attire. but don't - for fuck's sake - go and combine the two!

if you want to walk to work in your business clothes, suffer in your heels woman!

or, if you don't want to destroy your gorgeous new biancos on the walk in and out of the office, carry them in and wear a cute pair of flats during the walks. even a pair of friggen double dragons* do a decent job.

if you must wear your runners, then change your entire fucken outfit to suit them!

what the fuck is it with these people??? *bangs head on desk*

(* double dragons = default aussie thongs/flip-flops)

i want / you want / he wants / who wants?

every now and then life seems to drop us at major intersections.

no signs in sight, we are left there to figure ourselves out with the aid of more or less blurred intuition.

at the moment i feel like i've been stranded at these crossings in all major areas of my life. somewhat confusing and frustrating. i would have rather dealt with them one at a time. but i suppose you don't always have a choice.

i need to decide what it is that i want, then figure out which of the roads ahead provides me with it, and repeat the same on all areas of my life.

on some matters i'm afraid i will need to take a very strict line in order to take care of myself. some things just can't go on as they have, and i will need to make big decisions one way or the other.

i just wish this great big tangled ball of yarn would start unraveling from one end or the other so that i can get on with my life...

the frying pan

or the story of what not to buy for your girlfriend on her birthday.

yes. enough time has passed. i can finally blog this one.

there is a history. see, i'm not the nest-building house-wifey type. every single knife in my kitchen is dull, my cooking utensils are cheap and crappy, and the teflon on my $12 frying pan had walked out on me a long time ago.

deviant is the opposite. his knives are good quality and always sharpened to perfection. his ingredients are always fresh, and every meal cooked from scratch on his beautiful stainless steel frying pan.

the truth is i love cooking. i just don't like to cook for myself. and being more or less single for gawd knows how long, i haven't really seen it necessary to put my effort (let alone the $$$ that i could be spending on heels) into cooking ware.

i luveded cooking at deviant's place. his sharp knives and his luxurious frying pan made it such a pleasure to whip up something delicious. i kept reminding him that he has to take me shopping so that i'll buy a frying pan and a set of knives like his.

silly me, must have repeated this a few times too many and a lil too close to my bday.

when i opened that big box to reveal something as romantic as a stainless steel design frying pan, i believe my words were 'am i supposed to whack you with this, or should i heat it up first?'

no. that did't go down too well. you just do not - and i repeat DO NOT - buy anything practical for your girlfriend on her birthday. especially if it is in any way related to cooking or cleaning. there's just no way of pulling that off. sorry bunnies, but it just isn't possible.

i can see exactly what he was thinking. he was being considerate and getting me something that i really wanted and needed. and don't get me wrong, i absolutely love my pan. it's beautiful and such a pleasure to use. a bloody rolls-royce of frying pans.

but not on my friggen birthday!

he tried to seek for sympathy from people around him, but he told me that everyone's comment had been along the lines of 'what the fuck were you thinking?!?' heh.

later on he confessed that he had originally planned to buy me a knife for christmas, but he had figured that he'd find it sticking out of his neck. smart cookie that one.

but since he's such a good man, he did do a remarkable comeback on christmas and got back in the good books.

fucken funny tho. you should have see him grumble every time i was cooking with my new pan and telling him how much i luveded it and how beautiful it was. 'oh now you love it, do you? you ungrateful bitch...' oh the joy of pointing and laughing. especially when holding a brand new gorgeous stainless steel design pan.

i don't think he'll be buying any more practical gifts.

speaking of magical moments

here's one i had forgotten entirely.

mum sent me a bunch of piccies and amongst them was this beautiful series she's taken while taking the dogs for a walk at twilight.

there is a magical moment in a finnish winter evening called sininen hämärä that happens as the day is starting to give away to the dark night. between the light and the dark, for a moment, everything is coloured in these dreamy beautiful shades of blue.

magical everyday

its the little luxuries of the everyday that make my sydney existence so magical.

one thing that i just can't get over, is going for an ordinary 8k jog and run around the royal botanical garden to the sydney opera house and back. never mind the flocks of retarded annoying tourists crowding the foot path and slowing you down every now and then. its still the bloody opera house.

i guess you have to be a finn bunny with an ever romantic view of australia to fully relate, but to me, the opera house was always 'it'. it symbolised sydney all those years when it was still a very distant place on top of my 'places to visit' list.

every time i go for my run, it reminds me of how it felt to see the opera house for the first time. it makes me feel like i'm travelling once again, instead of living here.

don't get me wrong bunnies, similar little things could be found anywhere around the world, but one must be inspired to look for them in order to see what's there.

busy busy busy

bunnies, it has been a good week.

i've been working two jobs, as i started the new one this week. the position at the new place feels like its made for me, so i really hope it will turn into a full time position soon.

i've still done my old job for the other three days of the week, and it just seems so very boring compared to the new place. i've outgrown my role so badly that all it does is bore me to death. i can get my whole day's tasks done in about half an hour, and the rest is boredom galore.

--

i've started reviving my creativity and it feels very refreshing. i've been doodling and gluing in bits and pieces into my little black book, and for some silly reason i'm quite excited about it.

--

i discovered a new ambition in me and i'm in process of trying to engage writing on a more professional level. i had a couple of short art essays published last week and the beast of lyrical exhibitionism is starting to grow stronger.

--

and on a completely different front, i have - surprisingly - been in daily contact with deviant, despite him embarking on his half-a-year fishing mission.

i wasn't expecting to hear from him for a while, but instead i've been receiving messages or phone calls every day ever since he left.

slightly confusing, but he sure knows how to make me smile.

i received this pic yesterday. it looks like boring his arse off sitting on a rock and staring at a bloody balloon has already started to play on his poor lil brain. i reckon he's delusional and thinking he's a pirate.

or maybe this was in reference to the following message declaring that he was in fact bored and required a delivery of finnish meat for biting purposes.

sometimes men can be like teething puppies: gnawing and biting everything they can get their hands on. quite adorable.

little black book - page 06

might be an idea to point out that the confessions are printouts from post secret blog, and not my artworks

little black book - page 05

little black book - page 04

>> justin novak

little black book - page 03

as soon as i get my hands on a red pen or something i'm colouring the background red. but hey, you wouldn't expect a wanna-be-artist to own colouring pencils, would you?

little black book - page 02

guest starring miss pearl

little black book - page 01

as i already mentioned, i bought a luxurious lil black book to revive my creativity. i decided that i'll scan in all the pages as i get them done and post them on lbts.

impressed

nearly forgot to rant about my yesterday's positive surprise.

as i already mentioned, i had my first day at the new job.

the incredible thing was, that as i arrived at 9:00am, everything - and i mean absolutely everything - was set up ready to go. never before in my life have i seen such a miracle happen.

there was my desk ready, computer set up, a working phone line, email and all the programs needed installed ready for me to start working. i even had a bloody email signature with correct information!

i couldn't believe it. these guys are good!

lil bit of this and lil bit of that

oops. i think i managed to stir up a fair bit of shit with my foaming in the mouth rant the other day. i've received quite a few 'wtf?!?' messages from ppl who thought i was addressing them. silly bunnies. you are still in the good books.

--

had my first day at the new job yesterday. i'm doing two jobs part time at the moment hoping that i will impress the new company within the next couple of week so throughly that they'll offer me a full time job.

had a great day actually, i was really busy from the moment i walked in. there's everything to do from scratch, the ppl were really nice and the day went very quickly.

the only issue i had with it was working in an open office with a chicky with the most annoying laugh in the world. think you know someone with an awful laugh? think again. this was agony. and constant too.

if they hire me full time i'll buy kick arse headphones and crank out tool to keep her laughter from interfering with my universe.

--

oh also, i got somewhat inspired by a recent comment on breakup and came up with this formula. what do you think bunnies?

((H*B)-(xH*xB)) + D*V + I
------------------------- * w = S
            m

H = your hotness
B = your brains
xH = ex's hotness
xB = ex's brains
D = dirt involved in the breakup
V = the extent of her vindictiveness
I = the degree of her intoxication
m = relationship months
w = weeks since breakup
S = your likelyhood to score

good shit

i don't think i've been this inspired by porcelain since i first encountered jeff koons! justin novak bunnies. give him a go. [via]

remedy for creative constipation

is there anything better in this world than a brand new luxurious sketchbook just waiting to withhold all your silly lil scribbles?

i went to an art supply store with miss pearl today in order to score some shit for work, but i ended up walking out with a sketchbook of my own.

i used to have one yrs ago when i was preparing to leave finland and i luveded it. i carried it everywhere i went and scribbled/wrote/glued in absolutely everything to document what was happening in my life at that stage. i dare say its one of my most priced possessions.

i plan to draw something in my book every day. i think this is the new year's resolution i didn't make.

i reckon the past honours year caused me creative constipation more than anything else. so uninspiring you wouldn't believe it was art school! mebbe this lil black book will help me get over it.

speaking of which, all you arty bunnies out there: make sure you watch the movie art school confidential. its so sad and SO very true. was pissing myself laughing all through it. if you've ever been in an art school, you'll love it!

estalking

heh. sometimes when i catch up with my mates irl, they already know what's happening. when i start telling a story, they blush and finish the story confessing that they read my blog.

that's funny and its fine. i have absolutely nothing against that.

what i don't understand however, is stalking me through my blog after cutting off all contact irl. you know who you are.

whatever your reasons might have been, if you don't have the balls to face me, or keep in contact through the traditional channels, why the fuck would you go through the effort of estalking me? and why the fuck would i want your help after more than a year of radio silence?

fair enuff, this shit is published on the bloody internet, so its out there for you to read. and really, i don't care either way.

i just don't get it.

mind boggles.

oncoming inspiration...

i've had this wave of inspiration trying to overcome me for quite a while.

you know that feeling when you grow more and more restless by the day and just have this overwhelming need to draw/write/paint/make a book/prepare an etching plate/whatever?

and its all you can think of...

then you go and pick up a pen, and it doesn't work. it doesn't do what you imagine it would. the pathetic scribbles on the paper in front of you have nothing to do with the divine inspiration throbbing in the back of your mind.

so you so back to being restless and a couple of days later you start to write. only to repeat the previous disappointment. and back to frustration you go again.

i believe i received this annoying trait from my mother's milk, as she is one creative nut.

i remember waking up one sunday morning to this hell of a racket. as i followed the noise i encountered the most bizarre sight:

my mum - and don't forget this was about 07:00am sunday morning - had jacked a whole wall full of inbuilts up half a meter using car jacks. apparently, half way through her morning coffee, it had occurred to her that there's plenty of waste space there and she could easily lift them to fit a row of drawers underneath.

later on she confessed that she had been suffering from an oncoming inspiration for weeks.

yeh. psycho. good entertainment value tho.

let's see what i get up to if this keeps on building up like it has for the past couple of weeks...

breakup

'yes, it's true.
unfortunately impossible.'

--

dear deviant, so long and thanks for all the fish!

bdo retrospective

fuck me dead, but i am far too old for this shit.

see, i thought that the fantastic line-up was enough to make bdo worth my while, but i can promise you bunnies, i'm never doing another bdo again.

the crew was me, deviant, citronella, daddy-o(-to-be), small-c and mr j. i had met daddy-o and small-c before on the black label society gig, but mr j was a new acquaintance.

there was something very hunter-s-thompson-esque about mr j. he turned out to be a truly funny and witty cunt who had an impeccable talent of hooking us up with whatever was needed. whenever there was drama, he'd just take off and a few seconds later show up with the goods whether it was train tickets, drinks, drugs or a cab that was required. quite impressive i tell you.

we started the day with a big luxurious brekky at deviant's place and head over to the sydney show grounds around midday. it was when we got on the train that i realised that the day might in fact turn out to be a disaster.

see, while planning the day i had entirely forgotten about the fact that i hate cunts. and when i say that, i mean that i REALLY HATE CUNTS. and the train, well, the train was full of them. loud, annoying and just asking for me to strangle them one by one using my bare hands.

when we arrived, we realised that not only were there intolerable ppl on the train, the fucken place was loaded with them. 55 000 cunts: drugged up, dressed in ridiculous outfits, wearing flags, carrying on, foaming in the mouth and all of them stuffed within the show ground fences and we were right there locked in with them. fuck.

the first act we saw with deviant was that 1 guy. he was just this insane mofo with the mother of all sideburns playing a metal pipe and it was fantastic.

then it was evermore, lily allen, eskimo joe and john butler trio. half way through the john butler trip gig, my feet started to resign and i began to realise that my heels - no matter how low they were - were not in fact a good idea for a day long rock fest.

we decided to take a break when the killers started and went to queue for some piss. at this stage it began to dawn on me that the theme of the day might not be music after all, but queuing instead. we had to queue into the show grounds, queue to get piss, queue to take a piss, queue to see the gigs, queue to get out of the gigs, queue to get out of the show grounds, queue to get train tickets, queue to get into the train and the final drama: queue to get a cab home. and i fucken HATE queuing.

mr j and citronella were on a mission of their own for most of the night and daddy-o was going hard with small-c which left me and deviant chillin out by ourselves.

we saw two chicks digging in on what looked like the most delicious burgers ever, and they pointed up the road and told us to look for the booth filled with 'amish looking ppl'. cracking up and thinking that this was never going to work we headed up the hill, and sure enough we saw a food stall full of people who could only be described as 'amish looking'. and fuck me that burger was delicious.

the mosh pit gates were bearing red lights from the beginning of the killers gig, so we had already decided to watch the muse and tool gigs from aside. then, totally unexpectedly at the beginning of the muse gig the lights went green and we decided to have a go at it. we got all the way through the crowd with no problems what so ever and just walked in. which was rather surprising considering that a couple of hrs earlier small-c had mauled near death attempting to enter the mosh pit.

the muse gig was great, but i couldn't really enjoy it through the pain and by the time tool was about to begin i was already over it. the cunts all around us were just way too fucken drugged up to act like human beings and ppl were pushing and shoving and just being fucken arseholes.

deviant did his best to keep all the cunts away from me but it soon turned out impossible and we decided to back up a fair bit to find a better spot. the pain was already getting unbearable and then some fucken fat cunt stomped on my foot and i think i ended up twisting my ankle at the same go. with some difficulty i restrained from head butting him and just cursed out loud in finnish.

after the first few tracks of the tool gig we decided that we had seen enough and headed out of the pit. i was able to limp up the stairs and we sat through the rest of the gig. at this stage my ankle was hurting more than enough and my feet were so sore that poor deviant had to carry me for the rest of the night.

i felt like a princess being carried around by my man and that cheered me up quite a bit. he was being the perfect gentleman all night and took care of me just like he should. it was prolly the only thing keeping me from going apeshit as the ppl around were really getting on my nerves.

next time i want to see a live band, i'll go and see their gig and their gig alone. no more this fucken cattle drive entertainment amidst 55 000 wankfaces that i'd happily see dead.

*growl*

bring on the bender!

the rest of the week is starting to look pretty full on.

tonight the boys are attending the tool gig in town. they're picking me up with a cab on their way home and then we'll piss-up at deviant's place.

thursday is of course big day out so we'll be starting early and going strong for the following 12 hrs. followed with a piss-up at deviant's place. of course.

friday is australia day and we have a massive bbq bonanza lined up in newtown. phoenix has his already legendary australia day bbq that has gotten out of control. should be very good value.

now if only i had the liver of an 18yo to survive all this... mebbe i could think of it as a muscle that can be trained?

or maybe i'll just trust that they'll bring out hot swap livers over the counter soon...

my new idol

i always thought i wanted to die young and all that cliche bullshit... not anymore.

i want to become just as old, cranky, mean spirited and foul mouthed as she is!

in fact, i think she's my new idol. check it out bunnies, the fruitcake lady:

[such quality entertainment received - as usual - from k-ho via miss pearl]

annoying weather and adorable men

i'm convinced that 90% of australia's rainfall falls on my fucken way to work.

not happy jan. not happy.

see, yesterday i was running in the sun, having the time of my life and planning tomorrow's bdo. now? not too keen on standing knee deep in mud in my heels that once were glamorous. *growl*

--

you know what bunnies, i reckon men are pretty adorable.

on sunday night, i was prancing around in bikinis while deviant was checking his email and shit. i had been preparing dinner in the kitchen and noticed he was about to finish his beer.

i grabbed a new ice cold beer from the fridge and went to hand it to him just as he skulled the rest and was abt to put the empty one on the table.

you should have seen his face.

he stared at me in stunned silence, his eyes going from my bikinis to the cold beer in his hand and back again. after a while he was able to stutter: 'marry me!'

cracked me up.

'its only beer and bikinis hun, nothing to get THAT excited about. now calm down, drink your beer and look pretty.'

not often have i seen a happier man.

rockity-rok

bdo is coming and i can't wait!

i'm going as the token chick in a group of men so it should be a bloody ball. also, that means that i have 5 big men keeping me safe in the mosh pit. bonus.

i've worked out a schedule and it sounds pretty damn promising:

tool


muse


jet


the killers


eskimo joe


peaches


lily allen


i'd also love to be able to fit this crazy mofo in:
that 1 guy

the canberra apocalypse

bunnies - i shit you not - i thought that the world was about to end on saturday.

we were driving down to canberra with deviant and after sunset i saw this freak comet on the sky.

i swear i have never seen anything like it. it filled the entire sky and the tail was as big and bright as bloody nothern lights!

if you miss it bunnies (i think it should be visible on the southern hemisphere for the rest of the week?), you're in for a bit of a wait to catch anything like it as this particular rock - the mcnaught comet - is not due for an encore for the next 85,000 yrs.

we got to enjoy the freak phenomenon for over an hour during our drive. all the way there was these random ppl just stopping their cars at the side of the road and standing outside staring at the sky. funny.

i wish the end of the world will be equally perty.

posting spam

some things to ponder in 2007:

1. life is sexually transmitted
   
2. good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
   
3. men have two emotions: hungry and horny. if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich
   
4. some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs
   
5. why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
   
6. in the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal

never underestimate the power of blonde

oh, its been far too long! i had already forgotten how much more fun blondes have! i think the best comment so far was 'i reckon blonde hair makes your tits look bigger...' needless to say cracked me up.

went to an interview today and nailed it. the chicky absolutely luveded me and is working to improve my situation at the moment. so thanks for crossing those fingers for me bunnies, looks like it worked.

i should hear back from her before the end of the week. so no need to uncross your paws quite yet. i'll keep you posted.

--

memorable quotes:

deviant: 'that's it! i'm taking those with me! there is NO WAY i'm having you prancing around in those hot pants while i'm away sitting on a fucken rock!'

deviant: 'oi! stop treating me like a piece of meat, woman! you're supposed to say that you like me for my charming personality!'
tp: 'yes sweetheart, its your big, hard personality i like you for...'
deviant: '...that's better - HEY!'

artificial dumbing down

since i'm attempting to sell my arse as a 'scandinavian designer' i thought i might as well look like one. i dont think that being 'the little asian girl with american accent' is going to work for me in this case.

i can't understand it for the life of me, but with dark hair the locals seem to think that i've got asian blood in me. i've got blue eyes for fuck's sake! oh well, must be the eskimo blood. *shrugs*

when i go blonde i look so bloody scandinavian its not even funny. also, i look heaps kinder and you might even mistake into thinking that i have a heart. (which will come handy on tuesday...)

so yeh. blonde again. who would've thunk it?

twinkle twinkle titty-twister...

you know, its funny how efficiently a true predicament weeds out your real friends.

as soon as he heard of my situation, sunshine came to rescue and coughed up a contact that provided me with the tiniest flicker of hope.

on friday i received a phone call that allowed that flicker to grow a little stronger and on tuesday i'll have a chance to improve my situation significantly.

so bunnies, keep your your fingers crossed up to your elbows on tuesday...

trippity-shit

crap. i really need to do something to that phone cord running in front of my bathroom door. i fucken tripped on it again. i am seriously just not not awake enough to step over the bloody thing in the mornings.

every time i trip on it, the thing-a-magic connecting it to the wall is sent flying across the room and my adsl modem spits the dummy. big time.

and every single time, for hrs afterwards the modem keeps dropping the bloody connection non-stop so that its impossible to do anything.

so once again i'm ranting over the backup dial-up connection while fighting the urge to chuck the modem out of the window aiming at the pain-in-the-arse chick downstairs who happens to be convinced that she's an excellent singer.

*growl*

'should i stay or should i go?'

what a kerfuffle.

as much as i am in love with this city head over heels, my lover does not seem to embrace me with equal passion and devotion. in fact, if i didn't know her better i'd say she was doing her best to get rid of me. that cunt. how could she?

yes. my visa is running out soon and i'm not sure i've got the means for extending it.

now what if the shit does hit the fan? how am i supposed to stuff my life within the 25 kilo luggage limit? fuck, that doesn't cover my favourite shoes, not even mentioning the lot of em!

fuckshitfuck.

brilliant stop motion art

quite enjoyed this even tho i think it could have been cut down to the magical length of 3 mins...

early memories

i wonder how much our first memories affect the person we are today?

my earliest memory is somewhat disturbing. i guess i remember it because it was one of the first daily routines i was exposed to.

i am tiny, maybe 2-3 yo, still more than half asleep, wrapped up in a doona and being carried to the backseat of the lil datsun 100a that my parents drove at the time. i was about to be dropped off to my grandparent's house when my parents went to work.

i remember lying there, on the backseat, while it was still pitch black outside and waiting for the beautiful smell of the lit match followed by the choking cigarette smoke reaching the back seat.

the second memory is sweeter and in fact the only memory i have of my great grandma. there was always chocolate on the top shelf of my great grandma's tall kitchen cupboard and i remember how she would always get up and head to the cupboard as soon as she saw us coming in.

because i was so young, i never really got to know my great grandma. but i have a feeling she might have had a major impact on my life even tho she passed away by the time i was about 4 yo.

see, ever since i can remember, my grandma has always been telling me that 'its people who do it'.

whenever something seemed too difficult or out of reach, she'd just laugh it off saying 'its people who do it, so why not you?' she made me think that nothing in this life is impossible and if someone can do it, then surely i can do the same, if not even better. after all, they're only people - people just like me.

according to her, this life philosophy was passed straight down from my great grandma.

the reason i'm ranting on about my earliest memories, is that i just realised that my great grandma's motto might be one of the most important things i've ever learned in my life. and i never even got to thank her.

oh so delightfully drukn!

the nye w/e was an absolute blast. yet another perfect excuse for a bender and who am i to fight back?

on nye i got the shits after every man in the house took it their business to tell me to 'hurry the fuck up'. when we hit the pub i thought it might be an idea to start with a tequila - or few - to cheer up...

i walked up to the bar and ordered two tequilas, a red bull and vodka and a heineken for deviant. citronella arrived just as i had paid and got all excited over us all shooting tequilas. at first, he watched horrified as i claimed three of the four drinks for myself, but after i downed the two tequilas before getting my change back and continued with a healthy 1/3 glass gulp of the red bull and vodka, his disappointment turned into full appreciation through a recognition of a fellow pisshead. i was in the good books for the rest of the night.

deviant later on confessed diagnosing me as schizophrenic after seeing me go from miss cranky-as-all-hell to miss very-drukn-and-very-happy in seconds. but such is the power of tequila. ugh.

the rest of the hazy images of the night include shooting shitloads more tequila with citronella, getting thrown out of a bar with deviant due to 'immoral behaviour' and being carried around by deviant and citronella while giggling my arse off. also, i was told that citronella had been having a ball slapping my arse while deviant had been carrying me over his shoulder.

i am fairly sure we tried to take on a good portion of the bushes along the way as deviant ended up with an impressive collection of pri(*)s. his pant's got torn under the right knee, a knee, a knuckle and his side bruised and a very street cred cut on his cheekbone. hard core.

in other words: great times.

the most remarkable thing however was the fact that i survived with no hangover what so ever!

(* pri = piss related injury)
--

memorable quotes:

deviant: 'well i went to wake her up with a cup of coffee and she bit me!'

citronella: [having a rant about needing to pick up a chick] 'man, i seriously need to throw my shit into something!'

the old man: [while fetching another beer from the fridge around 10am] 'i don't believe its only my fourth beer this morning!'

citronella: [gasping for air devastated abt the fact that he might not be able to finish his nyd meal] 'oh no! it's all over for me! what a drama i am having!'

deviant: [driving through mogo] 'fucken mogo!' x 1001

gah. time for yet another road trip. to be honest, i'm not too thrilled about it atm, but let's hope it'll get better.

enjoy your nye bunnies, and see you back on the same bat channel next year!

the return of an old friend

"she knew she was complete.
it said so on the package.
with three holes and all.
still she could not stop wondering if there was more to it..."

i haven't been drawing for years and for some reason i felt like picking up a pencil tonite. must be the cider.

to my surprise, after throwing away the first few idle pages, my old friend 'plastic prostitute / perfect date' also known as every man's dream appeared on the corner of my drawing pad. i did a book, a series of prints and a video featuring her in my second year of uni, but haven't seen her since.

i wonder why she's back?

these two characters appeared too:

'she so wished she could stop smiling.
little jill had grown up years ago
and being abandoned in the attic for so many years
made the doll want to scream, but she'd settle for a good cry...'

'oh, how he roared!
to him, it made no difference that he was made out of paper.
he was still a tiger.'

i <3 tony bianco - part 3

bunnies, aren't they gorgeous?

i had drooled after this particular pair for months and only mentioned 'a gorgeous blue pair of biancos' to deviant in passing.

when the poor thing was stressing over my present, he remembers me mentioning the shoes and goes researching tony bianco shoes online and then calling up the stores one by one. in the end he found a store near my work that he figured i had seen the shoes in and rocks up going 'blue suede pair of tony biancos in size 7. help me!'

isn't that adorable? i mean, do things get any sexier than a man who goes buying shoes for you?

christmas hols: over and out!

phew. finally its over. christmas that is. while i love the food and certainly appreciate the excuse to go on a 5 day bender, i don't think i could have taken another day of it.

i went down the coast with deviant's family and while the weather sucked big time, we still managed to enjoy the beautiful south coast nsw scenery. i wen't full on snap happy and even after deleting the average shots, my iphoto library got 150+ photos fatter.

don't worry bunnies, i won't bore you with the lot of them, but here's a few piccies to give you an idea of what i was shooting over the holidays:

sorry bunnies, but this time i'll just have to leave you with the photos and provide the ranting a lil bit later. to stop a good portion of the christmas ham consumed over the past few days from making a permanent camp all over my hips, i need to go and dig up my running shoes...

reading & quoting

'believe it or not, i do not thrive on trouble with men, and i'm not one of those women who choose the same dysfunction, whatever it might be, in a man after man and obliviously revel in it. no, my pattern is to pick a different dysfunction every time, discover it, and run away as fast as i can.'

heh. even tho this quote comes from some random trashy chick novel, i couldn't have said it better myself.

and bunnies, just in case you are having trouble picking that perfect lil xmas prezzie for me: i want one of these.

merry christmas bunnies

jason timberlake sure knows how to treat a lady...

trippy shit

i think i have mentioned this before, but there's this guy at work - the fin man - who's a dead ringer for mr. pinstripe. (and for those who weren't reading my rants when mr. pinstripe was in the picture, i also referred to him as mr. big due to my mess of a social life's uncanny resemblance to sex and the city)

i thought it was odd enough to meet someone with such alikeness, but no, oh no, it keeps getting weirder.

on friday this same fucken bloke - who's normally very casually dressed as he works at the loading dock carrying furniture and shit around - walks into the party wearing a fucken pinstripe suit and a bloody name tag saying 'mr. big'.

i swear bunnies, someone's messing with me, and who ever that someone is, s/he must be having a fucken ball.

'...and australia's still like double-u-tee-f mate?'

shaken not stirred

oh dear.

we had the crucial task of organizing a kick arse christmas party with miss pearl this year. so we fucken did.

we decided to go with a bond theme and assign everyone with new identities on arrival. i of course stole 'pussy galore' while miss pearl went with 'plenty o'toole'.

everyone could either dress up as their role models or just glam it up casino style. since i didn't have the time to hunt down a blonde wig, i opted for the latter and stole miss pearl's hair extension instead.

i absolutely love the dress. i have been desperately looking for an excuse to wear it ever since retro doll gave it to me some months ago and it went perfectly with my new gorgeous black suede tony biancos.

miss pearl, super mario & tp utterly trashed but oh-so-glam

everyone got slaughtered. the night started with vodka martinis (of course) that were more like rocket fuel than civilized drinks. and i can tell you bunnies, it was down hill from there.

me and the boys - now *that's* what i call a party!

i was well off my tits by 10pm when deviant arrived - as a knight in shining armor - to carry me into his car and take me home. and thank fuck he did! i would have honestly died if he hadn't.

despite the very early night, it took a handful of painkillers topped with a valium to get my arse out of bed around 2pm. i swear i had the whole cast of fucken fraggle rock trying to split my skull before i was knocked out into the sweet oblivion for the first half of the day.

hard core.

mind you, the out-of-control alcohol intake seemed to be the theme of the night.

one of the guys had passed out in the dunny and ended up getting locked in for the night when everyone else fucked off around 2am not realizing that someone was still in the building. heh.

good value.

chicks on speed - we don't play guitars

kitty rok

i knew there was a reason i'm a cat person. pinky rok!

casino royale droolage

ok. i am officially converted.

see, i had a major issue with the new bond's pout. it just spells out 'way too much botox on upper lip' and i couldn't get over it.

however, i went to see the new bond last night. very entertaining.

mr daniel craig gets two thumbs up and an invitation to my wet dreams. anytime.

an unexpected like-minded soul

i was having an interesting conversation the other day. it started from love and relationships and moved on to future plans. i was arguing with a badly burned romantic person - who is, despite the past, still holding on to the hope of 'true love' - trying to explain that i don't believe in the 'happily ever after'.

its not that i don't think that its possible, i just don't think that its likely.

no matter how fantastic the person is you might meet today, you can never tell who that person will turn into tomorrow. not even mentioning the following week. besides, how could you know how you change yourself?

life is a constant evolving puzzle spitting out the pieces that no longer fit. its difficult enough to try to keep the image intact on your own puzzle, but if you're trying to keep on merging in two images into one, you're pretty much fucked. its doable for a while, but more often than not it comes to a point when the effort required overweights the payout.

instead of 'happily ever after' i prefer 'happy right here, right now'. the expectations regarding the future just end up being a strain and distracting from the current moment. and really, the present is all we have: the past is already gone and the future might never come.

i was told that i was both realistic and cynical and that my view was not only unromantic but also sad. probably guilty as charged.

i was reading the news and ran into an interview of cameron diaz. i think she summed it up pretty much along the lines of what i believe myself:

"you never know if relationships are going to work. you really don't," she says softly. "you can't say, 'i've found this person and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together' ... 'it's [more] like, 'i'm going to take a chance in this moment with this person that we are going to have something wonderful together for however long it is."

[smh]

relationships begin and they eventually end. and if you're lucky, you'll have a fantastic time in between. how long it might last, what happened before or what happens after that timeframe, is irrelevant.

it doesn't matter how many lovers that person might have had before you, or how significant they might have been, any more than it matters how long it takes for that person to move on afterwards.

what i believe really matters, is that you're able to live in the present and put all of you in that one moment that you do share.

cause if you can do that, then you might end up with a beautiful memory instead of a series of 'what if's...

and really, you never know, one day you might end up meeting a person who you can share a timeframe with that exceeds the days you have left on your lifeline. and now that i think abt it... isn't it really quite close to happily ever after?

retro glam

its time for yet another pinball piss-up and why not go for retro glam. just to make it more fun for myself...

finnish independence day

now bunnies, listen carefully: december 6th is finland's independence day. and it is a BIG DEAL. before 6.12.1917 both russia and sweden (with the occasional help of germans) used to tag team fucking us up the arse. one after another. again and again. but not since then. at least not officially.

so repeat after me bunnies: december six is for finland.

hence every year on december 6 we do a big ball in the precidential palace. the idea is that anybody who's anybody in the country (or well, the 1900 ranking on the top of the list) get invited and the rest of the nation sits home and watches on telly while bagging out the dresses.

kinda like an annual fug all you can buffet.

i have to admit that i miss the tradition being on this side of the planet. while the television broadcast is streamed over the net live, its the time difference that prevents me from watching it.

i just caught the last hour of the broadcast with my morning coffee... and it kinda made me miss finland a bit. or mebbe a lot?

i miss karjalanpiirakka... and sauna. not even mentioning salmiakkikossu.

oh well, decisions decisions. i've made mine and it didn't include the three above so must not whinge. instead, here's a (coffee) toast to good ole maiden of finland; way the go old broad, keep on kicking!

i <3 tony bianco

well, it was abt a time i replaced my everyday black heels and once again my beloved tony bianco came to the rescue:

i fell in love with this perfect black suede pair of tony bianco's lucky heels and treated myself to a pair.

today i feel like an everyday princess.

must be the december?

personally, i think the night between sunday and monday should last at least 24 hrs.

it must be that time of the year bunnies. everyone is going crazy. piss-ups, christmas parties, exhibitions, good movies, catch ups, the whole lot. everywhere, all the time.

had a frantic but very enjoyable weekend filled with good movies, yummy drinkies and catching up with people. all very good value.

also, saw an excellent exhibition: bunnies, if you're into video art, there's a fantastic exhibition at the art gallery of nsw: anne landa award for video & new media arts.

a few absolutely brilliant works (including tony schwensen, and monica tichacek, - i got the rest of the names mixed up so can only describe the work - the guy with the projectors on the floor, the martin place scene and i bet the penetration scene would have been much more interesting if only my index finger was longer...

definitely worth seeing and strongly recommended bunnies.

on sunday night i was so tired from it all tho that i just wanted to read my book and have an early night. what luxury.

ooooof...

went to the movies to see a flick that turned out to be full frontal hard core porno. mind you, it was great. i laughed my arse off.

i mean, if a movie begins with a scene of a man attempting to film himself performing auto-fellatio, it can't be all bad.

but yeh bunnies, if you want to see lots of flesh, sex and warped relationships between twisted people, shortbus was excellent.

>> the uncensored trailer can be found from here

justin bond: these people spend all night sucking cock and eating ass, and then hit the buffet claiming they're vegan.

after the movie we ended up checking out a series of disgustingly trendy clubs in the cbd. surprisingly the music was really good and i ended up shaking my arse quite a bit.

just woke up and still feel a lil fragile. mebbe i need a good healthy brekky. i'm thinking oporto's...

bad video 'art' leads to heavy alcohol consumption

phew. the light motorcycle seriously left the hands on wed.

i went to see the cofa grad show with retro doll and pg and man did it suck.

i thought i was about to sit down and watch a video art screening and couldn't have been more wrong. its not an art school, its a fucken design school.

90% of the stuff we saw was just plain awful and boring. think wanna-be-manga animations, tv commercials and other showcase shit. i mean, don't get me wrong, most of the stuff was technically alright and some even fantastic. but fuck me it was boring compared to what i am used to at uws.

the three last works were fantastic tho. they had idea, originality and technical superiority. (unfortunately i lost the program during my drunken adventures following the screening so i can't mention names here)

after the boredom we did what any good ole artist can do and got sloshed. like *really* sloshed and did a pub crawl all the way back to the cross. fucken funny i tell you.

i have a hazy recollection of getting rid of a few young romeo-wanna-bes attracted by my leopard skirt at the world bar. and drinking lots more.

in the morning i was fine but i couldn't say the same abt pg and retro doll. they ended up crashing at my place and they were pretty fragile when i had to get up to get to work.

lack of practice i say.