Such a good girl

Bunnies, I showed an incredible degree of backbone yesterday and turned down a piss-up to finish my latest video.

I was invited to go and see an exclusive live showcase of two VERY cool oz bands (plus a blonde Swedish skanky flashback from the 90's) with my workmates and I reckon it would have been a ball and a biscuit.

Unfortunately I had some work left on my video and as the opening is next Wednesday and I'm planning to go away for the w/e, it really had to be done.

I hope my workmates drank for me too, cause I have a feeling they had a blast.

Oh well, I'll just have to wait for the next time and make up for it...

HIM was awesomeness!

Bunnies, the gig was awesome! Ville Valo was a true sex god and rocked Sydney like a world class rock star!

I was jumping up and down so much my feet are broken, and I screamed my little heart out yelling lewdities at him in Finnish. Did get a few funny looks at that, but I guess that was part of the fun.

The only disappointment was that Ville kept his shirt on for the whole gig.

Please return

Excuse me, but have you seen my brain?

It's about yay big [insert here descriptive hand movements], sorta gray-ish, and despite the age in pristine condition (well preserved due to lack of use).

Last seen in the vicinity of my senses, which coincidentally went missing around the same time... which may have been somewhere between the fifth and sixth drinks, but the poor thing may have tried to keep up as far as the tenth. However, it is quite clear neither were no longer present by the time I filled the first dozen.

Needed back as soon as possible, as my communicational skills have been reduced to that of a pink block of play-doh. Apart from the occasional bursts of Norwegian that is.

Cut Copy 'In Ghost Colours' preview gig

We were supposed to go and see The Golden Compass at Moonlight Cinema last night, but I wasn't too keen since its been pissing down non-stop again. While I'm really looking forward to seeing the movie, fuck freezing outdoors sitting in the rain!

Luckily work came to rescue. I got invited to go and see Cut Copy doing a preview gig to promote their new album In Ghost Colours. Very cool indeed.

Apart from queuing in, everything was great. It was an intimate lil venue, with all the cool cats from advertising, journalism and record company front present - all stacked at the bar of course.

It was quite funny actually: everyone looked the same. Apart from the obvious kiddies who had won entry through a competition of some sort, everyone present had that hard boiled professional alcoholic look about them. Too cool for school and not quite drunk enough yet to enjoy the company.

We just stayed upstairs on the balcony observing people and once the gig began, we had the best spots in house.

Booze was plenty, I got to wear heels and stay dry indoors, music was great, and the performance itself very inspiring. Couldn't have been better really.

Got a lot of visual ideas for work purposes and now I can't wait for the album to come out.

Cut Copy - Lights and Music

I see bubbly coctails and giggly chicks

Tonight is Miss Pearl's hens night. The invitation mentions cheese and bickies on her balcony, followed by dinner, cocktails and dancing.

Cheese and bickies? Excuse me?

I mean, this is Miss Pearl we're talking about. What the fuck happened to donkey shows? Or at least pointing and laughing at cheap and dodgy strippers?

Bunnies, if my sanity ever fails me for long enough to end up in a situation where I'd be planning to tie the knot with some poor bastard, I'd be fucken expecting at least a hobo death match, doing lines off a donkey's stomach (strippers are so last year), a threesome with Diggnation and waking up on another continent with no recollection of leaving the country in the first place.

Fuck cheese and bickies.

Well, at least the dress code is 'frock, high heels and big hair' which provides me with the perfect opportunity to take my new heels out for the first time...

The Queen of Scrabble

I was supposed to have a laid back day at home doing girly shit and reading a book. Of course that wasn't going to happen.

All it took was a txt from Miss K to lure me back on my bad ways. So off I was, with a bottle of rather lovely Sav Blanc heading over to Miss K's BBQ that was to be held at Rose Terrace.

Its such a luxury to have the majority of my friends living in the surrounding neighborhoods. I hate public transport and much prefer walking everywhere. When I'm not being chauffeured by my wonderful man that is.

We ended up spending the day sitting outdoors, sipping wine and playing Scrabble and Pictionary. Miss K and I were paired up for Pictionary which was very enjoyable as we were perfectly tuned into each other's wavelength. I think the others were getting suspicious that we were somehow cheating, but it was all just pure and simple arse kicking wicked witty female power. Yeah.

But I have to say I preferred Scrabble to Pictionary. I can't even begin to tell you bunnies, how great it feels to totally kick native speaking arses time after time in Scrabble. At the end of the night I was declared the Queen of Scrabble.

I'd rather be a princess tho. Can I?

Australia Day

Now how did that happen again?

I only went to the city to do a quick errand run for more hair products, yet I found myself sitting on the steps of the Opera House at midnight... must have hit a time warp somewhere along the way.

I thought it would be nice to catch up with Buttman and his lovely missus before they return back to the cold northern wonderland. They were sitting at the 'bat park' - which I assume meant the Royal Botanical Gardens - and we agreed to 'catch up over coffee'.

I always thought that Buttman's missus was somewhat timid, but she was the first one to suggest scrapping caffeine for alcohol and demanded vodka shots. I stand corrected: she is awesome.

So there we went, at lunch time, squeezing ourselves into one of the pubs at The Rocks - might have been called Über Bar? - and lined up for a round of shots. And drinks. And more shots. And more drinks. And it was great.

Buttman's missus wanted to taste something new, so I started chatting up the bartender asking if he could recommend something very Australian for her. He gave me a somewhat annoyed look and said - with a very strong German accent I might add - 'You're at a Bavarian Pub. I don't think so.' Heh.

We giggled at the patriotic Aussies singing all their national anthems from the real one to Waltzing Mathilda and Land Down Under and stumble around drunk as all hell.

After the noise in the pub got unbearable, we continued onwards to Opera Bar and sat there watching the sun go down and fireworks go off while suckling on a yet another glass of white.

Had a great night, even tho it felt a bit rough getting up this morning.

'I'm going to prove the impossible really exists'

Not only one, but the goddess ticked off most of my favourites!

She was the perfect little quirky Scandinavian pixie and I need to have her babies. An evil army of weird tiny little Björklings, thank you.

The gig was truly amazing and worthy of its incredible settings - certainly one of those once in a lifetime experiences.

The stage had been set opposite the Opera House, so that the audience sat on the steps facing her, and she could enjoy her own laser light show lighting up the edifice of the Sydney Opera House.

The gig highlights for me were the enchantingly beautiful Unravel, incredible Bachelorette, super powerful Army of me and of course the fireworks encore Declare Independence.

The encore was actually quite funny. The audience was going absolutely apeshit to get her back on stage, and was totally losing the plot when she finally did.

Then she goes 'This song is dedicated to Australia's indigenous people...' and then starts bellowing 'DECLARE INDEPENDENCE! DON'T LET THEM DO THAT TO YOU!'

...which of course in this case meant referring to 99% of the audience as 'them'. The applause died - par a few who were just too off their tits to even notice - and you could just see everyone going 'Hang on... WTF?'

But after a while they got over it and went on enjoying what proved out to be the most energetic and powerful song of the whole gig. Gave me a good giggle tho.

This gig has to divide the first place with last year's NIN Year Zero gig in Sydney.

I wonder if the little Björklings would go well with the mini-Trents I need to have as well?

• Oompah, death metal and that voice: perfect - smh
• Icelandic space pixie alights on butterfly wings - smh

Cocktails and conversations

Feeling a little bit under the weather today if I'm totally honest. We went out for 'a couple of civilised drinks' last night, and we all know what that means...

A mate of mine from Finland is in town for a month for work. Let's call him Buttman. He invited Deviant and myself out for a couple of catch up drinkies after work, so off we went.

Buttman is a character and a half even sober, not mentioning after a few drinks, so I thought I better let Deviant know what to expect. I told him to be prepared to meet a super-intelligent nerdy ninja with a super strong Finnish accent, and with whom you couldn't have a conversation exceeding 30 minutes without the subject turning to anal sex. A sweet guy as such, only totally fucked up. In other words very good value.

Naturally, he proved me right straight away.

We took Buttman to a very funky classy cocktail bar where you rarely order from the list. Instead, you have a few minutes chat with the bartender and he'll whip you up the drink of your dreams.

So there we are, in this super trendy cocktail bar, surrounded by well off beautiful people as the following conversation takes place:

Bartender: 'What do you like?'
Buttman: 'Ummmm... I like... straight... honest... raw... anal sex.'
Bartender: 'Mate, I'm a bartender, not a fucken shrink!'

So when we finally get to sit at the table with our drinks, I've got a divine pineapple mohito-ish drink in front of me, Deviant's holding a delicious orange fruity smelling concoction that strangely tasted like single malt whiskey, and Buttman was sitting there holding a martini glass full of straight vodka with a little piece of lemon swimming in it.

Needless to say the drinks were perfectly matched, and Buttman was so impressed he tipped the bartender $50.

Another priceless quote I recall hearing in the wee hours of the night was:

Buttman: 'Hey where can we go to steal a kangaroo? I may not be as fast as I used to be, but I'm still a ninja!'

Christmas Day piss-up

Apparently, Christmas Day is the new Boxing Day as far as piss-ups go. We - Mira Bell and I - heard from a very reliable source (read: from our certified piss-head mate Poof Jesus) that no longer do people wait till Boxing Day to go out, but instead hit the piss one day early. Naturally, we had to test it.

There was also the mystery of my missing jacket to solve. I had managed to lose my winter coat during my bday piss-up and showed up home in a tiny lil black dress, sans coat. Not good. The ulterior motive for hitting the pubs was to somehow track down my beloved red winter coat.

We had a clue: I found a mysterious cloak room ticket in my bag from a bar that I did not remember visiting. However, after bringing this up I was told that we had in fact spent the majority of the night in this particular dodgy joint. Clearly, I had drank even more than I had realised. It was truly a miracle I was still alive.

Back to Christmas Day. We made plans to hit a hideous bar called Las Palmas and started the night with salmiakki vodka shots. Back on the horse, hey? The novelty value of Las Palmas wore of even quicker than I expected and we continued onwards on our mission as soon as Poof Jesus and Candy Mama showed up.

On route to the meat counter also known as Doris, we managed to locate my beloved jacket from Onnela, just as the mysterious cloak room ticked had hinted and we had our first (and last) win of the night.

The theme of the night was 'nothing has changed'. See, the four of us have been hitting the piss for the past 15 years and therefore all equally suffer from a major age crisis. However it was somewhat of a relief to realise that nothing really had changed that much.

Doris was even worse than I remembered.

It was the worst I had seen. Poof Jesus had to hold all of us three chicks under his arms yet still there were hands trying to crab us every which way he was not looking. Every time we hit the dance floor, there were drunken idiots everywhere attempting to hump our legs or grab our arses.

The three of us (me, Poof Jesus and Candy Mama) were vicariously living through Mira Bell, as she was the only single in our merry crew. We were trying pick the best meat for her, ever if she did not agree with our opinions. At least it kept us entertained.

At the end of the night, we were leaning against the bar counter, off our tits and pointing and laughing at the heavily intoxicated fellow piss-heads around us still trying to pick up anything that moved... or actually, I don't think they cared that much anymore. It was more like they were willing to pick up anything they were able to carry home with them.

Then Poof Jesus directed our attention towards the dance floor to announce that Mira Bell had successfully picked up.

Clearly, nothing had changed.

The Big Three-O

So. I turned 30 and can now officially be described as an old cunt. Naturally this required a hefty dose of alcohol to numb the pain of aging, right?

We started with a practice run in Sydney a couple of weeks early. See, I was going to exit the country before my actual birthday and Deviant wasn't going with me, so in order to get him in on the fun, I needed to have a pre-party.

The usual group of piss-heads gathered in to meet us at our lil love nest, and with the help of copious amounts of alcohol, we went on till the sun came up and I believe I threw the towel in around 7am by crashing on the bedroom floor next to our bed that was taken by a visiting couple.

The following day was not so fun.

--

The actual birthday party took place in Tampere, Finland and after the trial run was such a drunken success, the Finnish piss-head mates of mine had a lot of expectations to live up to.

The task was not easy, however these were not just any old drunkards: Hospodar, Kennu and Mira Bell trained in from Helsinki while Jyppi and Junnu drove in from Jyvaskyla and we all met up at Cafe Europa, the same dodgy bar where we used to start up so many yrs ago as teens.

Mira Bell disappeared into the bathroom for a while and came back cranky as all hell whinging something about breaking a clothes stand and a lash curler. Apparently she had been attempting to open the bottle of Sol she brought with her and failed miserably. Not only did she have the beer in her bag, but also a slice of lime packed neatly in glad wrap to go with it.

Bring on the champers, Battery Vodkas and Long Island Ice Teas - the night had begun!

I had been afraid of these dear friends of mine getting older just as I had, but my fears were soon proven wrong:

Kennu was drooling after meat way too young, Hospodar was pouring alcohol down my throat at a very unhealthy pace, Jyppi & Junnu had a backpack full of beer with them and Mira Bell picked up a 22 yo at the end of the night.

Clearly, nothing had changed.

We put immense effort in both quality and quantity that night: we drank everything and in enormous quantities. There was karaoke, titty bars and dodgy joints - a true trip down the memory lane back to those glorious teen nights so many years ago.

The following day was even worse than the one after the Sydney pre-party and the majority of it was spent trembling in bed in fetal position or practicing my Norwegian at the slightest scent of food or alcohol.

The need to improve no longer exists, as I cannot survive a night bigger than this.

sleaz-o-rama

why is it that catching up with old mates always ends up in a headache?

dui picked me up on his way home from work yesterday, and we headed over to his place for pre-drinkies. phoenix showed up with a bottle of canadian club just as we arrived, and since dui had a bottle already waiting for us, we were well prepared.

joined by mr sleaze, we polished off the two bottles at the rooftop terrace while catching up. needless to say we were all rather sloshed. after running out of piss everyone agreed that more was in deed required and soon after we were heading out to the cross.

we ended up at candy's and had a ball cutting the rug.

now, don't get me wrong here, mr sleaze is great fun and a good mate, but fuck me he can be annoying when he gets drunk and too bloody frisky. also, the fucken wanna-be-romeos on the dance floor shit me to no end. i'm there to dance with my mates, so leave me the fuck alone!

however, dui and phoenix did a fantastic job as dedicated males getting rid of the excess meat that would have otherwise spoiled my night. mr sleaze was a bit more work, and at some stage i did honestly think that i'd have to punch him in the face before he'd stay far enough for my liking. but in the end it was all good.

while i've had a fantastic time with deviant for the past year, i have to admit that i had missed going out clubbing to be able to hit the dance floor properly. music was good, dancing felt great and i had missed my mates so much.

i will definitely have to do this more often. but mebbe next time a lil less canadian club. also, i dare say the shots were not the best possible idea at 4am.

owwie. hurty head.

oh so delightfully drukn!

the nye w/e was an absolute blast. yet another perfect excuse for a bender and who am i to fight back?

on nye i got the shits after every man in the house took it their business to tell me to 'hurry the fuck up'. when we hit the pub i thought it might be an idea to start with a tequila - or few - to cheer up...

i walked up to the bar and ordered two tequilas, a red bull and vodka and a heineken for deviant. citronella arrived just as i had paid and got all excited over us all shooting tequilas. at first, he watched horrified as i claimed three of the four drinks for myself, but after i downed the two tequilas before getting my change back and continued with a healthy 1/3 glass gulp of the red bull and vodka, his disappointment turned into full appreciation through a recognition of a fellow pisshead. i was in the good books for the rest of the night.

deviant later on confessed diagnosing me as schizophrenic after seeing me go from miss cranky-as-all-hell to miss very-drukn-and-very-happy in seconds. but such is the power of tequila. ugh.

the rest of the hazy images of the night include shooting shitloads more tequila with citronella, getting thrown out of a bar with deviant due to 'immoral behaviour' and being carried around by deviant and citronella while giggling my arse off. also, i was told that citronella had been having a ball slapping my arse while deviant had been carrying me over his shoulder.

i am fairly sure we tried to take on a good portion of the bushes along the way as deviant ended up with an impressive collection of pri(*)s. his pant's got torn under the right knee, a knee, a knuckle and his side bruised and a very street cred cut on his cheekbone. hard core.

in other words: great times.

the most remarkable thing however was the fact that i survived with no hangover what so ever!

(* pri = piss related injury)
--

memorable quotes:

deviant: 'well i went to wake her up with a cup of coffee and she bit me!'

citronella: [having a rant about needing to pick up a chick] 'man, i seriously need to throw my shit into something!'

the old man: [while fetching another beer from the fridge around 10am] 'i don't believe its only my fourth beer this morning!'

citronella: [gasping for air devastated abt the fact that he might not be able to finish his nyd meal] 'oh no! it's all over for me! what a drama i am having!'

deviant: [driving through mogo] 'fucken mogo!' x 1001

shaken not stirred

oh dear.

we had the crucial task of organizing a kick arse christmas party with miss pearl this year. so we fucken did.

we decided to go with a bond theme and assign everyone with new identities on arrival. i of course stole 'pussy galore' while miss pearl went with 'plenty o'toole'.

everyone could either dress up as their role models or just glam it up casino style. since i didn't have the time to hunt down a blonde wig, i opted for the latter and stole miss pearl's hair extension instead.

i absolutely love the dress. i have been desperately looking for an excuse to wear it ever since retro doll gave it to me some months ago and it went perfectly with my new gorgeous black suede tony biancos.

miss pearl, super mario & tp utterly trashed but oh-so-glam

everyone got slaughtered. the night started with vodka martinis (of course) that were more like rocket fuel than civilized drinks. and i can tell you bunnies, it was down hill from there.

me and the boys - now *that's* what i call a party!

i was well off my tits by 10pm when deviant arrived - as a knight in shining armor - to carry me into his car and take me home. and thank fuck he did! i would have honestly died if he hadn't.

despite the very early night, it took a handful of painkillers topped with a valium to get my arse out of bed around 2pm. i swear i had the whole cast of fucken fraggle rock trying to split my skull before i was knocked out into the sweet oblivion for the first half of the day.

hard core.

mind you, the out-of-control alcohol intake seemed to be the theme of the night.

one of the guys had passed out in the dunny and ended up getting locked in for the night when everyone else fucked off around 2am not realizing that someone was still in the building. heh.

good value.

retro glam

its time for yet another pinball piss-up and why not go for retro glam. just to make it more fun for myself...

ooooof...

went to the movies to see a flick that turned out to be full frontal hard core porno. mind you, it was great. i laughed my arse off.

i mean, if a movie begins with a scene of a man attempting to film himself performing auto-fellatio, it can't be all bad.

but yeh bunnies, if you want to see lots of flesh, sex and warped relationships between twisted people, shortbus was excellent.

>> the uncensored trailer can be found from here

justin bond: these people spend all night sucking cock and eating ass, and then hit the buffet claiming they're vegan.

after the movie we ended up checking out a series of disgustingly trendy clubs in the cbd. surprisingly the music was really good and i ended up shaking my arse quite a bit.

just woke up and still feel a lil fragile. mebbe i need a good healthy brekky. i'm thinking oporto's...

bad video 'art' leads to heavy alcohol consumption

phew. the light motorcycle seriously left the hands on wed.

i went to see the cofa grad show with retro doll and pg and man did it suck.

i thought i was about to sit down and watch a video art screening and couldn't have been more wrong. its not an art school, its a fucken design school.

90% of the stuff we saw was just plain awful and boring. think wanna-be-manga animations, tv commercials and other showcase shit. i mean, don't get me wrong, most of the stuff was technically alright and some even fantastic. but fuck me it was boring compared to what i am used to at uws.

the three last works were fantastic tho. they had idea, originality and technical superiority. (unfortunately i lost the program during my drunken adventures following the screening so i can't mention names here)

after the boredom we did what any good ole artist can do and got sloshed. like *really* sloshed and did a pub crawl all the way back to the cross. fucken funny i tell you.

i have a hazy recollection of getting rid of a few young romeo-wanna-bes attracted by my leopard skirt at the world bar. and drinking lots more.

in the morning i was fine but i couldn't say the same abt pg and retro doll. they ended up crashing at my place and they were pretty fragile when i had to get up to get to work.

lack of practice i say.

grad show

tonight is the night.

time to piss-up with my fellow students and celebrate the completion of our honours year.

i am still sitting at home, charging up my camera, listing what needs to be done and of course deciding on which underwear to complement my pretty lil dress with.

tulip might be joining me for the party as deviant is showing up a few hours late. sunshine and muscles are prolly missing out on the night as they both had something else on. yeh, told the cunt off. heh.

deviant is missing one of the three days of his fishing competition and driving up from nowra just to drink up next to me on my big day. much appreciated. actually got a lil gift for him as a way of thanking him for all that he's done for me lately. a good man he can be.

drukn part kazillion-and-one

yeh. i'm tiny and he's a giant. i'm on 4.5 inch insanely high stilettos and barely reach his bloody shoulder!

i think i have a thing for tall men. tall, dark and handsome. yum yum yum. i believe its called the mr. darcy syndrome?

definitely drukn.

tell you what bunnies, i must be turning into a bloody pensioner!

when i know there's no rootage to be achived, i am ready to pass out by 10pm. that's no good.

i went out with sunshine, since tulip bloody piked out. (that bitch, i will SO bash her for it once she pops online tomorrow). not only was i lacking the entertaining company of one hot bitch, but also i had to listen to sunshine whinge abt me not coming through with the hot meat i had promised.

well fuck them both and the horsies the rode in on.

yes bunnies, i might be slightly tipsy. or mebbe drunk.

sunshine had a plan b up his sleeve even if it didn't involve the sister. heh. poor funny bugger that one. very good value. remind me to introduce him to you irl bunnies one day. if i haven't already done so that is.

he dropped me home in a cab on his way to the city to score this glorious plan b. i know he can't blog abt any of the good shit so i'll do it for him [insert here drunken giggles]

there is actually a very funny story involving me, deviant, a drunken random chicky and sunshine from a few months back. and mebbe one day i'll blog it. but not just yet. heh. too funny.

--update

oh, what am i whinging. she's a good woman. heh. she woke me up around 11:30pm with a phone call and would have been up for joining our merry crowd... if i hadn't already been asleep and sunshine hunting meat somewhere on the other side ot the town that is. next time. there's always a next time.