procrastination
frig, here we go again. so much to do, yet once again i rather spend my limited time ranting to you bunnies. *deep sigh*
--
i'm finding it very difficult to concentrate on my uni work. too much shit on my mind. and yes, once again it's people bullshit. well, not just any people - the boy.
deviant. he really is fantastic. but as everyone, he has his faults too. i am not good with faults. not my own any more than other people's.
pet hates. i can't stand forgotten/cancelled plans and i have a very strong aversion to being taken for granted. lack of respect scores very high on the list too. pet hates trigger my reject reflex instantly.
i told him off for the first time yesterday. mind you, for a reason. the boy scored a special bonus combination of pet hates at one go to boil the kettle over. and there went my hand hovering over the eject button.
however his response was perfect. he listened, he heard and he apologized. and what's most important, he offered to make it better right away. and he did. he did everything just right. he was wonderful and won me over again. let's see.
i can't help it. i've tried my best and have done great so far. however, now i'm slowly starting to freak out. i guess spending time with him has reached that first critical point. as much as i hate defining things, time is starting to define this for us.
this is the time when i usually bolt.
however, i don't think i want to. not this time. deviant really is wonderful. but i don't know if i can stop myself. staying would require being brave. i'm so much better at being safe. safe, cold and distant licking my self-inflicted wounds.
--
i'm finding it very difficult to concentrate on my uni work. too much shit on my mind. and yes, once again it's people bullshit. well, not just any people - the boy.
deviant. he really is fantastic. but as everyone, he has his faults too. i am not good with faults. not my own any more than other people's.
pet hates. i can't stand forgotten/cancelled plans and i have a very strong aversion to being taken for granted. lack of respect scores very high on the list too. pet hates trigger my reject reflex instantly.
i told him off for the first time yesterday. mind you, for a reason. the boy scored a special bonus combination of pet hates at one go to boil the kettle over. and there went my hand hovering over the eject button.
however his response was perfect. he listened, he heard and he apologized. and what's most important, he offered to make it better right away. and he did. he did everything just right. he was wonderful and won me over again. let's see.
i can't help it. i've tried my best and have done great so far. however, now i'm slowly starting to freak out. i guess spending time with him has reached that first critical point. as much as i hate defining things, time is starting to define this for us.
this is the time when i usually bolt.
however, i don't think i want to. not this time. deviant really is wonderful. but i don't know if i can stop myself. staying would require being brave. i'm so much better at being safe. safe, cold and distant licking my self-inflicted wounds.
--
now that i met you nothing's the same
it's not going to be it ever again
if you stay or walk away
if i'm off or if i'm brave
6 comments:
OMG, the only thing I have to say is about your accent. Nothing about the content :P
I'll reply with a quote:
Have you ever seen a sound
have you listened to an image
have you ever touched a thought
have you ever tasted nothing
have you ever told a lie
that was true more than truth
because truth it had lied
all its life when it spoke to you?
And what did it say
it is that it is this
this goes here here is there
it is not yes it is
it was dulling your senses
your eyes they were bound
have you ever my friends
been looking around?
And the other replies
with a wave of a hand
I am already here
in this promised land
but not by a god and not by a king
and not by a spirit
deep from within
I am here
because a miracle’s a whim
it’s a flash of glory
it’s an empty tin
and maybe might lets you in
not to save you
but to keep on looking
Trying to say that don't give up yet, overcome the fear. (If you haven't heard the song, it's from an excellent Oz band called The Cat Empire, the song's called 'Miserere')
Also, Mind Itch has moved to http://www.mind-itch.com - good to see you writing again, been missing your shit :)
yes. the boy is back on the good list. he is doing everything right. every little thing.
i will resist my urge to bolt for now. i do think this one is worth it.
Stop overthinking it.
Just lie back and enjoy it.
Kiwi
If the boy is willing to listen and change his bad habits keep him. Don't end up like a lot of my friends that bolted at the tiniest infraction time and time again only to end up alone and bitter from age 30 onward. The opportunities for finding someone to grow old with come along so rarely that it is always worth putting up with some of their crap - especially if they're willing to change. Train him and let him train you. It's worth it in long run.
You´re so not bolting this time.
you know what bunnies? you rok.
and yes. you are right. all (three) of you. i have decided to calm down and see how things go.
as i said, this one is wonderful. even when he is being a dickhead. and we all know how i have a weak spot for them dickheads. *deep sigh*
mind you, this feedback sounds like a bit of a weener-fest. no thumbs up or down from any chickies out there...
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