moments from the past

there are some things that seem to be universal. like the annoyment towards nature's little creatures when they decide to cheer up your day but have the worst possible timing.

here's two encounters, about 10 years and ~15,000 km apart:

easter camping trip with deviant's family.

it had been a BIG night. everyone around the campfire was absolutely off their titts. you know, the usual stuff: i suffered a slight concussion due to a portable camping chair insident, devian't lil bro mistook citronella oil for cooking oil while setting up the bbq [insert here quite the impressive bonfire] and deviant set his stepmum on fire while solving the citronella insident. so it was all good fun with pointing and laughing aplenty.

after marinading himself in a very impressive amount of alcohol and other substances, poor lil deviant had passed out by the campfire. at which stage the lil siblings had decided that it would in fact be a great idea to turn him into a living bush.

i was already sleeping at the back of the ute at this point. i woke up to the back hatch slamming open and this borderline conscious 'bush' crawling in and passing out next to me. quite amusing i tell you.

fast forward to next morning.

i wake up, slightly hungover, but considering the amounts of alcohol consumed the previous night, i was counting myself incredibly lucky to be in such a good shape.

i opened the back hatch carefully to get some fresh air in the back of the car. i was entertained by watching the wallabies wandering around our camp, when a magpie lands right behind our car and starts its horrendous serenade.

after a tune or few the dead mass next to me suddenly came alive, lifted its bushy head facing the bird and screamed: 'PISS OFF!!!'.

i nearly pissed myself pointing and laughing.

see, about ten years prior, i had witnessed a disturbingly similar event:

it was a beautiful day, lunchtime, early in the summer. sun was shining, birds were singing and nothing breaking the serenity of the perfect laid back sunday.

i was sitting in the backyard with my mum, enjoying the warming rays of the sun and i don't think anyone had even said a word for a few hours or so. we're both too relaxed to even read the books we had brought out with us and instead ended up entertaining ourselves by watching the cat hunting butterflies in mum's flower bench.

suddenly, the neighbour's upstairs window flew open with a loud SLAM. an overweight, hairy, bearded ugly old man appeared at the window. he directed a homicidal glare towards the little birds singing in the nearby tree and screamed: 'TSIRP, TSIRP, PERRRRRKELE!!!' (aussie equivalent would prolly be 'TWEET, TWEET, YA FUCKEN CUNT!!!')

just as quickly as the phenomenon appeared, the window slammed shut again and left behind a complete silence. the poor birds were too busy shitting themselves to tweet another tune.

we stared at the window in stunned silence, then glanced at each other and cracked up uncontrollably. it's no exaggeration if i say that we were pissing ourselves laughing for the following 20 mins or so.

ah, the wonders of nature.