posting spam again

i found some of these mildly amusing. blame it on the lack of caffeine, but i'm posting them for you bunnies too...

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DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

• 40-ish = 49.
• adventurous = slept with everyone.
• athletic = no breasts
• average looking = moooo.
• beautiful = pathological liar.
• emotionally secure = on medication.
• feminist = fat
• free spirit = junkie
• friendship first = former slut.
• new-age = body hair in the wrong places.
• old-fashioned = no bjs.
• open-minded = desperate
• outgoing = loud and embarrassing.
• professional = bitch
• voluptuous = very fat
• hugh frame = hugely fat
• wants soul mate = stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

• yes = no
• no = yes
• maybe = no
• we need = i want
• i am sorry - you'll be sorry
• we need to talk = you're in trouble
• sure, go ahead = you better not
• do what you want = you will pay for this later
• i am not upset = of course, i am upset, you moron!
• you're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

• i am hungry = i am hungry
• i am sleepy = i am sleepy
• i am tired = i am tired
• nice dress = nice cleavage!
• i love you = let's have sex now
• i am bored = do you want to have sex?
• may i have this dance? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• can i call you sometime? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• do you want to go to a movie? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• can i take you out to dinner? = i'd like to have sex with you.
• i don't think those shoes go with that outfit - i'm gay