heavy shit
i was suprised to read the latest entry from milla (linked blog entry in finnish), cause it was kinda funny and actually made me think. imagine that.
oh, would i have a list of letter's to hell to write!
oh, would i have a list of letter's to hell to write!
- the boy next door - who i had a fight with when i was 7yrs old and who broke my front teeth. i would love to let him know all the pain i've gone through having them fixed every few yrs after that. specially since a new fix is abt to come up soon again. not even mentioning the $$$
- ...
hang on. that's it. i'm not angry abt anything else in my past. that's a bit of a suprise. i thought i was.
i've been really angry at a lot of people and abt a lot of stuff, but it only lasts for a lil while. all that bs was required to get to where i am now. and i have no doubt that the bs i'm going through today is taking me to some new interesting situations. eventually.
mind you, i would love to be bs free for just a lil while. you know, just be happy and content and shit. but lately i've started to doubt if i'm capable of doing that at all; if i know how to be happy in the first place. being happy is a sort of a static situation, and anything still seems to make me extremely restless.
to be honest, i'm terrified of stopping. i fear that if i stand still, the rest of the world runs past me. static is the opposite of movement; the opposite of change. and change is required to learn, to grow, to become something new and better. happiness seems to be a state of compromise; a state of not knowing better. desiring something more is misery. and more often than not, i feel quite miserable.
in relationships, i seem to get restless quicker and quicker every round. it's honestly not that i'd want someone else. cause i don't. it takes a long time for me to get interested in someone and when i do it also lasts for a while. it's just that i expect a lot from the person that i'm with. well, not that lot to be honest. not at least if you ask me. i expect equal respect, equal effort and straight open honesty. ooh, better not forget an abundance of rootage too. i don't think it's so much to ask?
maybe i just need the bs rollercoaster all the time. who knows. shit. that got a bit heavy, didn't it?
what i do know, bunnies, is that i need another cup of coffee. wanna join me?
i've been really angry at a lot of people and abt a lot of stuff, but it only lasts for a lil while. all that bs was required to get to where i am now. and i have no doubt that the bs i'm going through today is taking me to some new interesting situations. eventually.
mind you, i would love to be bs free for just a lil while. you know, just be happy and content and shit. but lately i've started to doubt if i'm capable of doing that at all; if i know how to be happy in the first place. being happy is a sort of a static situation, and anything still seems to make me extremely restless.
to be honest, i'm terrified of stopping. i fear that if i stand still, the rest of the world runs past me. static is the opposite of movement; the opposite of change. and change is required to learn, to grow, to become something new and better. happiness seems to be a state of compromise; a state of not knowing better. desiring something more is misery. and more often than not, i feel quite miserable.
in relationships, i seem to get restless quicker and quicker every round. it's honestly not that i'd want someone else. cause i don't. it takes a long time for me to get interested in someone and when i do it also lasts for a while. it's just that i expect a lot from the person that i'm with. well, not that lot to be honest. not at least if you ask me. i expect equal respect, equal effort and straight open honesty. ooh, better not forget an abundance of rootage too. i don't think it's so much to ask?
maybe i just need the bs rollercoaster all the time. who knows. shit. that got a bit heavy, didn't it?
what i do know, bunnies, is that i need another cup of coffee. wanna join me?
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