graduation retrospective

right. graduation. where the fuck should i begin?

in short, it was a bloody catastrophe.

the venue was even cheaper and dodger than last year, which alone was nothing short of a miracle. and naturally, since i had equipped myself with the hottest brand new black leather pumps and a skimpy lil black dress, the weather was a textbook example of a torrential downpour. great.

little did i know that this was merely the beginning.

see, this was supposed to be A Big Day. i was graduating with first class honours and on top of that scored a university medal that was presented at the graduation ceremony. nothing quite like strutting the red carpet with a medal in one's hand to stroke that academic wank of an ego.

well, there i go, waiting for my moment in the spotlight and watch my good uni mate pg strut through the carpet and pick up his perty lil trinket. next was going to be me. fantastic, i thought. this is it.

i hear my name announced - ignoring the fact that she made it sound like i was bloody italian - there i go stepping on to the red carpet. walk up to the dean to shake his hand. my moment.

well guess what the old geezer decides to ask? 'is your family here to celebrate with you?' no you fuckwit. and haven't seen any of them for years. thanks for reminding me.

but wait. it gets better.

instead of handing me my trinket, he just gets rid of me and sends me walking off the stage. furious, i return to my seat and spend the rest of my ceremony cursing him to the lowest of all hells while staring at my precious trinket sitting on the table in the middle of the stage.

so eventually, i end up receiving my university medal in the janitor's closet from the fucken janitor. the cunt had the balls to shake my hand too. congratulations my arse.

but as usual, that's not all.

as the icing on the cake, my honours supervisor ends up pouring his coffee into the bright white velvet lined box holding the trinket.

motherfuck.