lucid dreaming

i prolly haven't ranted on about this before, but i am a lucid dreamer. it's not something that i have learned to do on purpose, but instead i always have been ever since i can remember. this has not always been a pleasant experience and especially as a kid it was rather daunting and even traumatic.

for those who are not familiar with the phenomenon, lucid dreaming is dreaming while being consciously aware of the fact that you are dreaming and often in control of your dream.

"lucid dreaming is the conscious perception of one's state while dreaming, resulting in a much clearer ("lucid") experience and usually enabling direct control over the content of the dream. the complete experience from start to finish is called a lucid dream. ...defined ... as "dreaming while knowing that you are dreaming."
...
although clear and consistent knowledge is difficult to find among the many interpretations of the experience — especially considering its highly subjective nature — the validity of lucid dreaming as a scientifically verified phenomenon is well-established."

[wikipedia - lucid dreaming]

lucid dreaming as most of the vividly recalled dreams happens in the rem (rapid eye movement) state of the sleep. in rem sleep the entire body apart from eyes is paralysed. the typical lucid dreamer is not supposed to be encumbered by the sensory system of the body but instead free to explore the world of the mind with a perspective not available while awake.

my problem is that when i realise that i am dreaming i also become very acutely aware of my physical body. i can feel the position of my body lying down in the bed, the pillow under my head, the sheets touching my sking and the weight of the doona on me. and if i am sleeping next to someone i am aware of their presense as i can feel them beside me and hear their breathing.

last night again started with some rather unpleasant lucid dreaming. instead of taking control of the sleep, i get too focused on my physical body. the rain drumming on my window got mixed in the dream giving it a very dark undertone and instead of engaging with the dream using my mind i tend to try to use my physical body and the feeling of being paralysed is far from pleasant. most of the times my dreams end up with me forcing myself awake. and this was no exception.

i got up and walked towards the kitchen feeling a little wobbly. by the time i walked past the mirror i noticed how warped everything seemed and i realised that it was a bloody false awakening instead of the real thing. i got pissed off and started stomping my foot repeating 'wake up you dumb cunt, wake up wake up WAKE UP!' after running around the place for a while going apeshit trying to wake myself up i finally managed to do so for real and found myself once again lying down in my bed.

it was only 5am but i had no desire to go back to sleep anymore so instead i googled up lucid dreaming. after reading a few websites raving on the positive aspects of lucid dreaming and how everyone who knows how to do it describes it as the most wonderful experience of their life. after reading how some people use it to realise their sexual fantasies not possible in real life, i was inspired enough to give it another go. if they can turn it positive then so fucken can i.

i went back to bed for a few hours and surprisingly managed to have a positive lucid dream. when i fell asleep i was aware of the dream straight away and instead of giving away to the panic of feeling paralysed, i told myself to calm down and go with it. and it was great.

no i didn't end up having a mass orgy or anything cause i was too swept away by flying around and through things and flying into class rooms through the walls being invisible and picking up the teachers white board marker and drawing big cunt symbols on the walls while the class cracked up and the teacher watched in panic.

i think next time i will try to come up with some ideas for artworks...