Sunday, May 14, 2006

procrastination

frig, here we go again. so much to do, yet once again i rather spend my limited time ranting to you bunnies. *deep sigh*

--

i'm finding it very difficult to concentrate on my uni work. too much shit on my mind. and yes, once again it's people bullshit. well, not just any people - the boy.

deviant. he really is fantastic. but as everyone, he has his faults too. i am not good with faults. not my own any more than other people's.

pet hates. i can't stand forgotten/cancelled plans and i have a very strong aversion to being taken for granted. lack of respect scores very high on the list too. pet hates trigger my reject reflex instantly.

i told him off for the first time yesterday. mind you, for a reason. the boy scored a special bonus combination of pet hates at one go to boil the kettle over. and there went my hand hovering over the eject button.

however his response was perfect. he listened, he heard and he apologized. and what's most important, he offered to make it better right away. and he did. he did everything just right. he was wonderful and won me over again. let's see.

i can't help it. i've tried my best and have done great so far. however, now i'm slowly starting to freak out. i guess spending time with him has reached that first critical point. as much as i hate defining things, time is starting to define this for us.

this is the time when i usually bolt.

however, i don't think i want to. not this time. deviant really is wonderful. but i don't know if i can stop myself. staying would require being brave. i'm so much better at being safe. safe, cold and distant licking my self-inflicted wounds.
--

now that i met you nothing's the same
it's not going to be it ever again
if you stay or walk away
if i'm off or if i'm brave

at

6 comments:

  1. UnknownSunday, 14 May, 2006

    OMG, the only thing I have to say is about your accent. Nothing about the content :P

    I'll reply with a quote:

    Have you ever seen a sound
    have you listened to an image
    have you ever touched a thought
    have you ever tasted nothing
    have you ever told a lie
    that was true more than truth
    because truth it had lied
    all its life when it spoke to you?
    And what did it say
    it is that it is this
    this goes here here is there
    it is not yes it is
    it was dulling your senses
    your eyes they were bound
    have you ever my friends
    been looking around?

    And the other replies
    with a wave of a hand
    I am already here
    in this promised land
    but not by a god and not by a king
    and not by a spirit
    deep from within
    I am here
    because a miracle’s a whim
    it’s a flash of glory
    it’s an empty tin
    and maybe might lets you in
    not to save you
    but to keep on looking

    Trying to say that don't give up yet, overcome the fear. (If you haven't heard the song, it's from an excellent Oz band called The Cat Empire, the song's called 'Miserere')

    Also, Mind Itch has moved to http://www.mind-itch.com - good to see you writing again, been missing your shit :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. tpSunday, 14 May, 2006

    yes. the boy is back on the good list. he is doing everything right. every little thing.

    i will resist my urge to bolt for now. i do think this one is worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMonday, 15 May, 2006

    Stop overthinking it.

    Just lie back and enjoy it.

    Kiwi

    ReplyDelete
  4. skribeMonday, 15 May, 2006

    If the boy is willing to listen and change his bad habits keep him. Don't end up like a lot of my friends that bolted at the tiniest infraction time and time again only to end up alone and bitter from age 30 onward. The opportunities for finding someone to grow old with come along so rarely that it is always worth putting up with some of their crap - especially if they're willing to change. Train him and let him train you. It's worth it in long run.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMonday, 15 May, 2006

    You´re so not bolting this time.

    ReplyDelete
  6. tpMonday, 15 May, 2006

    you know what bunnies? you rok.

    and yes. you are right. all (three) of you. i have decided to calm down and see how things go.

    as i said, this one is wonderful. even when he is being a dickhead. and we all know how i have a weak spot for them dickheads. *deep sigh*

    mind you, this feedback sounds like a bit of a weener-fest. no thumbs up or down from any chickies out there...

    ReplyDelete